AITA for refusing to help out my old music club after they kicked me out?
A Reddit user shared their dilemma after refusing to help their former university music club, which had previously benefited from their connections in the music industry.
After being kicked out by a new board president due to personal tensions, the user withdrew all support. When the club struggled without their help, members begged them to return, but they stood firm. Was their decision justified or overly harsh? Read the full story below!
‘ AITA for refusing to help out my old music club after they kicked me out?’
For some backstory, I (21M) have been part of my uni’s music club for a little more than a year up until this September. I first auditioned as a guitarist and got in around September 2023, and because of connections I have in the music scene here (I’ve been very involved in the music industry since I was 14).
I helped provide certain things for free, that weren’t available to the club before (sound engineers, studio time, access to certain events etc.), I agreed to with the board at the time and decided to keep my involvement on the low as it would undermine the board a bit and might cause problems.
The issue started when a new board was elected this semester, and it just so happens that the new president is someone that belonged to the same friend group within the club which ended up breaking up and we fell into two different sides. We will be calling her Emma to make things easier.
As soon as Emma got elected, she decided to kick us out for “being problematic” and that was that. At first I thought about cutting them off right after I was out but some of my friends were still part of the club and already had performances planned and I didn’t want to ruin it for them.
So I waited until the first event was done around late October and I talked to my contacts and told them that I will no longer be working with that club and thanked them for all the help.
About a week after that I got a call from the old president who told me that Emma called her and asked for her to talk to the sound engineers as they don’t want to talk to them anymore and aren’t interested in working with them, and that’s when she told them about our deal.
And surely enough, I got an email that afternoon saying that I am invited to a meeting with the board to discuss club activities that I have been involved in the past year.
To not go into what ended up being a two hour meeting, they basically asked me for help and said that they can’t keep the club running without it as it would cost them a lot of money they don’t have and that they are willing to have me back, and I said no.
The following week word got out and I was bombarded with messages from members of the club telling me that it’s not fair for me to punish them for what the board members did to me.
My friends, ones still in the club and the ones that were kicked out with me are all on my side, though I can feel that some are disappointed they won’t be able to perform anymore.
I do believe that since I’m not in the club in the club anymore I don’t have to provide any help to them, but hearing the members’ reaction and seeing my friends react that way as well makes me feel like I might be the AH here. So, AITA for refusing to help out my old music club after they kicked me out?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
MidnightPositive485 − NTA. This sounds like a classic case of F-around, find out. If you are still interested in participating with your friends tell them you’ll come back if Emma and all her minions resign.
If not, wash your hands of it, it sounds like you have plenty of opportunities to play music. Hopefully this will also be a lesson everyone involved that music is a small world and petty s**t like this has real costs and they should all grow up.
MasterpieceOk4688 − The Club existed before you, why does Emma tell everyone she can’t keep the Club running now that you withdraw the perks they had for a year.
Maybe Emma is not the right fit for the Board and the Club member should Look into her direction, not yours. NTA, tell every Club member to get lost if they cry or ramble. Or to vote for a New Board that can keep the Club running (isn’t that the core task of them… like… “you had 1 job”-style?
FireBallXLV − NTA.You cannot work with people who have shown enmity towards you. Stop. Period. This is a time of transition that would have probably occurred anyway as you age and get involved in additional groups snd interests.
So do not feel guilty OP. Your true friends will understand.
animaniactoo − NTA – they are collateral damage, but you provided that help as a group member. Now you are not a group member. Clearly the board effed up, but that doesn’t mean that you need to save them from the consequences of their decisions. May I suggest starting a new club where you are on the board?
Retlifon − As I understand it, you didn’t tell the sound engineers *not* to help the club. You just said you weren’t involved with the club anymore. The sound engineers can do favours for whomever they want and could keep helping the club if they wanted to. Apparently they don’t want to. That’s not on you.
lord_buff74 − How did the new board get in? Was it a bloody coup, or were they voted in? If they were voted in, the club members got what they voted for. NTA.
macross1984 − NTA just reading the header and even more so NTA after reading your post. If similar situation happened to me, I will never help my enemy after they burned the bridge. The club need you for your expertise and you are under no obligation to help. They reap what they sow.
MissMat − NTA. I been in multiple school clubs in college and in the board for two. Emma doesn’t get that is how it works. Each member lost(even for graduation) is a loss of club resources.
The club should have built relationships with the resources you introduced them to and they didn’t. Both Emma and the previous board were in the wrong. And it is multi-levels of mistakes in running a student organization.
1. The previous board should not have asked you to keep things down low. The polite thing to do was to acknowledge and thank you in front of the club member or club announcement. Every board I been in did that to the “friend of the \[insert org name\]”
2. we also get gifts to the people who contributed and it doesn’t seem like the previous board did, which in my opinion is rude. 3. frankly, the fact that they didn’t thank you is extremely rude. Student clubs and boards are part of building a professional network and what they did can create a negative reputation
4. People hire someone from their previous student org all time bc they think, “Even if we don’t know each other, I know so and so who likes them” or they see their work ethics and integrity, or they have expectations of what it takes to be on the club. This is a lack of integrity.
5. claiming that if it was known it would “undermine the board’s authority” is such b**lshit. It would have undermined their authority only if it came out that they hid it.
The previous board should have either asked you to be on the board or nominated you for a board position (idk how that club works one club I had to be nominated and voted to the board; for another club, I was just asked to be on the board). If they appreciated your help and felt
1. when a board appreciates someone and feel like the club benefit with their present the ask them to join. 6. The job of leaving officers on the board is to inform the next board of things they should know. Common mistake but still a derelict of duty.
Emma is not a good president. She let her personal feeling harm the club. Student orgs are a popularity thing and you should turn it around. Anyone who tells you that you are punishing them club, should be reminded that Emma is the president, she won an election and she kicked you out.
Kicking you out means the loss of the resources you bring and if they don’t like it then complain to the person at fault, Emma. YOU NEED TO REMAIND EVERYONE IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT BUT EMMA’S.
It may seem mean but she caused all of it she kick you out, she publicized the issue, and she doesn’t know how to fund a club. Clubs have fundraisers, they reach out to donors, and they ask for previous alumni to help out that is what they should do. Student clubs have lean years too.
A club I am not involved in but my friend is, had a lean year when the previous president graduated bc they spent too much. This year my friend was on the board and they are flush with money because they fundrised and they reach out to donars, asked previous alumni for help.
starbaby87 − NTA. Emma was power tripping, now she gets to be the queen of nothing. Move on with your life, the ones that stood by and did nothing you were treated poorly can figure it out themselves.
Otherwise-Topic-1791 − NTA. They F’d around and found out. Too bad for them.
Was the user right to withhold support after being unfairly kicked out, or should they have considered the broader impact on the club members? How would you balance personal grievances with communal responsibility? Share your thoughts below!