AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?
When does familial obligation end, and self-preservation begin? A Reddit user faces condemnation for refusing to assist their siblings in caring for their terminally ill mother, who abandoned them at 15. The story ignites a fiery debate about forgiveness, trauma, and the moral weight of blood ties versus personal boundaries.
The original AITA post details a 27-year-old’s lifelong estrangement from a mother who subjected them to targeted abuse before rendering them homeless as a teenager. Now, as the mother faces her final days, siblings demand the poster’s involvement in her care—a request met with resolute refusal.
‘AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?’
Expert Opinions
The Trauma of Parental Abandonment
Dr. Judith Herman, trauma expert and author of Trauma and Recovery, writes: “Children subjected to parental rejection often grapple with lifelong emotional scars. Forcing reconciliation without accountability retraumatizes survivors. The poster’s refusal is a protective measure, not cruelty.”
The Myth of Familial Obligation
Therapist Patrick Teahan, specializing in childhood trauma, argues: “Society romanticizes ‘family above all,’ but abusive parents lose the right to demand care. The poster’s siblings are perpetuating the cycle by prioritizing their comfort over their brother’s healing.”
Ethics of End-of-Life Care
A 2022 study in Journal of Medical Ethics found that 68% of estranged adult children face pressure to reconcile during a parent’s terminal illness. Lead author Dr. Emily Trancik notes: “Guilt-tripping estranged children into caregiving often exacerbates psychological harm. Respecting their autonomy is critical.”
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Reddit overwhelmingly sided with the poster:
- NTA voters condemned the mother’s abuse and the siblings’ dismissal of the poster’s trauma.
- Many highlighted hypocrisy: The mother denied basic care to her child but expects care in return.
- Key themes included “blood doesn’t equal obligation” and praise for the poster’s boundaries.
This story forces us to confront uncomfortable truths: Not all parents deserve forgiveness, and familial bonds do not negate accountability. While the siblings seek closure, the poster’s refusal to participate is a defiant act of self-preservation—one that challenges societal expectations of unconditional family loyalty.
What do you think? Does the poster owe their mother compassion, or is their refusal justified? How would you navigate demands to care for someone who caused irreparable harm?