AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?
A 27-year-old man, estranged from his terminally ill mother since the age of 15, refuses to assist with her end-of-life care. His mother mistreated all her children, but he believes he suffered the worst, as she resented him for resembling their father.
After being left homeless, he cut contact completely, while his younger siblings (23F, 22M, 20F) continued living with her, claiming she improved after he left. Although he maintains limited communication with his siblings, they’ve minimized the abuse he endured, leaving their relationship strained.
Now that their mother has about a year left and requires more care than they can provide, they’re pressuring him to help. He insists he owes her nothing, especially given the trauma she inflicted. Even when a social worker reached out at their request, he reaffirmed that he wouldn’t get involved. His siblings think he’s heartless and have repeatedly argued that he should step up, leaving him feeling isolated. read the original story below…
‘AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?’
My mother, who I have been estranged from my entire adult life and since the age of 15, is terminally ill. She wasn’t a great mother to any of her kids. There’s me (27M) and my sisters (23F, 20F) and my brother (22M).
But in saying that she treated me the worst and left me homeless at the age of 15 because I looked the most like our father, who she hated with every fiber of her being, and don’t ask me why she had four kids with him I have no idea. I went entirely no contact from that point on. My siblings still lived with her and according to them she got better once I was gone.
My siblings have always downplayed how bad it was for me and how bad she treated me. So while I still talk to them I am not close to them and I don’t know if there’s a future where that will ever happen.
Which is why I refused to help them with her end of life care now that she’s terminally ill. They say she has about a year left and needs a lot more help than they can cover. I told them it was not my job to make sure she goes out of this world in comfort and peace.
They told me she’s still our mother and I told them she was the fucking worst mother. That I would not shed a tear over her and I felt not one single ounce of obligation to her. They tried the “do it for us” angle and I told them they have minimized the stuff she did to me even though they said she got a little better once I was gone.
So they know she hated me to her core. They told me I’m still her son, still their brother and I’m the oldest. I even got a call from her adult social worker who had been told to contact me by my siblings. She wanted to go over my mother’s care with me.
I explained I would not be taking part in the end of life care for my mother, which surprised her but she left it alone. My siblings think I’m a monster and they say I should be willing to do something. This has turned into a fight three times already. AITA?
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
Your siblings are being incredibly entitled and selfish to expect you to be the bigger person and help them take care of her. She does not get to abuse you and kick you out and then have you help her. Your siblings’ refusal to admit your mother’s cruelty does them no credit. Ask them if they want you to treat your mother the way she treated you.
Legal-Lingonberry577 : NTA. Does your mother even contact or try to talk to you now? Tell them you are going to ‘take care of her’ exactly the same way she treated you before
Does he have the right to protect his peace, or should he support his siblings despite the past? what do you think? share your thoughts below!
