AITA for refusing to help my sibling financially when they never help me?

A Reddit user shared their struggle with refusing to help their sibling financially after years of one-sided support. Despite managing their own finances carefully, the user has repeatedly bailed out their sibling, who makes poor financial choices and never repays or helps in return. When the sibling recently asked for help with rent, the user declined, leading to family backlash and feelings of guilt. Is the user justified in setting boundaries, or should family come first in times of need? Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for refusing to help my sibling financially when they never help me?’

My sibling and I are both adults, but we’ve always approached life differently. I work hard, live within my means, and carefully manage my finances. My sibling, however, has a pattern of making poor financial decisions. Over the years, they’ve often come to me for money, always claiming it’s an emergency. I’ve helped them countless times, but they’ve never paid me back—or been there for me when I’ve needed help.

Recently, they reached out asking for a large sum of money to cover their rent. I decided to say no. I explained that I can’t keep stepping in without any accountability on their part. Instead of understanding, they accused me of being selfish and went to our family, who are now pressuring me to give them the money.

I feel torn. I know they’re struggling, and part of me feels guilty for not helping. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to always be their safety net when they show no effort to change. Am I the jerk for finally putting my foot down?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Ok-Position7403 −  NTA. If anyone pressures you to give them money, tell them, “your generosity is appreciated. I would appreciate it more if you were generous with your money, and not mine.”

lunaemo667 −  NTA, if your family keep pressuring you, tell them to give your sibling their money.

LeamhAish −  NTA. I come from a large group of siblings with mixed incomes. I’m on the poorer end, but I just can’t ask my sibs for their money–especially because our oldest sister has no such qualms. Our youngest sister has the most, plus three kids of her own–and our oldest sister. It’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to you. They just became entitled, and they’re going to throw a fit until they realize it’s not working (like a child). Weather the storm of their fits, and you’ll be fine.

Firm-Molasses-4913 −  NTA. It’s tiresome giving and giving and you see no end to it. So may as well stop now instead of 10 “loans” later. And their insulting reaction, calling you selfish and complaining to the family shows they don’t respect or appreciate you.

When family / sibling complains tell them , I’ve given (not loaned) x $100s or $1000s and that’s enough. They’re an adult they have to support them self now. And don’t give sibling anymore. You’ve closed the bank, get through that discomfort and live free hereafter 

BobbieMcFee −  How many times do people have to post essentially the same post? YTA for not reading a day or two of posts here. Asked and answered.

nerdinden −  NTA, you were not born to fund them. If they improve your quality of life and provide joy in your life, maybe, but it seems they are giant leeches. Next time, just say you are poor and do not have any money available.

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. Their poor planning and bad decisions do not make it an emergency for you. The downside of being a person who is known to be careful managing their money is that family members and others will presume that you have money, probably a lot more than you actually have. The task facing you is to let your sibling be angry with you without giving them any money.
As you point out, they never help you. The others who are complaining and pressuring you are hoping that you will cave so that they are not approached for money instead.

k23_k23 −  NTA. ” They got upset, called me selfish,” .. this is ridiculous. “and even told our family, who are now pressuring me to give them the money.” .. tell them that THEY should give him THEIR money.