AITA for refusing to help my parents after they told me I’m “not living with them anymore”?

Family should be about love and support—but for OP (17M), coming out as gay turned his home into a battleground. His parents didn’t take the news well. At first, it was subtle—more nitpicking, more yelling over small things. Then it escalated. One disagreement about chores later, and OP found himself kicked out and sent to live with his grandma.

Now, his parents are acting like nothing happened—except when they need help. They’re calling, texting, and demanding he come over to do chores. OP refused, pointing out that if he’s not part of the household anymore, he shouldn’t have to act like he is. But his grandma thinks he should apologize and “keep the peace.”

So, does OP owe his parents anything, or is he right to stand his ground?

‘AITA for refusing to help my parents after they told me I’m “not living with them anymore”?’

Expert Analysis:

When “You’re Not Part of This Family” is a Manipulation Tactic

One of the biggest red flags in OP’s story is how quickly his parents kicked him out over a minor argument. This wasn’t about vacuuming—it was about control.

According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, parents who use conditional love often withhold support as a form of punishment. Instead of addressing their discomfort with OP’s sexuality directly, they likely used the chore argument as an excuse to push him out—while still expecting his labor.

Their goal? They want him to feel guilty enough to stay useful to them.

The Reality of Kicking Out a Minor

Legally speaking, a 17-year-old is still a minor. In most places, parents have a legal obligation to provide housing, food, and care until their child reaches adulthood. Kicking OP out could be considered neglect or abandonment, depending on the laws in his state or country.

According to Child Protective Services (CPS) guidelines, forcing a minor out without a solid support system (like another legal guardian) can warrant an investigation. If OP were younger, this situation would almost certainly be classified as neglect.

The Double Standard of Family Responsibility

OP’s parents say “this is part of being in a family,” but their definition of family seems to only apply when it benefits them.

When OP needed emotional support? They failed him.
When OP needed a home? They sent him away.
But when they need a babysitter, a lawn mower, or a handyman? Suddenly, family matters again.

This is not how family works. If they wanted OP to be an active part of the household, they shouldn’t have made him feel unwanted in the first place.

Lessons Learned & Moving Forward

Conditional Love is Not Real Love – OP’s parents only treat him like “family” when it benefits them. That’s not love—that’s manipulation.
You Can’t Kick Someone Out & Expect Their Help – OP was sent away like an outsider, so he has no obligation to act like part of the household.
Legal Protections Might Be an Option – Depending on OP’s location, his parents could be in legal trouble for forcing out a minor. If necessary, he should seek help from a trusted adult or legal resource.
Grandma Might Not Be the Best Ally – While she’s offering him a place to stay, her insistence on apologizing suggests she prioritizes keeping the peace over OP’s well-being. OP should be cautious about trusting her fully.

Here’s what Reddittors want to tell OP:

Most users agreed that OP’s parents were looking for an excuse to kick him out but still wanted to use him for labor. Many pointed out that he doesn’t owe them anything, especially since they failed him as parents.

Some users even suggested OP look into legal protections, as forcing out a 17-year-old could be considered neglect. Others encouraged OP to focus on financial independence and limit contact once he turns 18.