AITA for refusing to help my friend with his relationship?

A woman (24F) has been friends with a guy (24M) for over 15 years, but their friendship has become strained over the years, especially after he started dating someone who is insecure about their friendship. When his girlfriend began harassing her online, he asked her to step in and reassure the girlfriend that nothing was going on between them.

She refused, feeling it was inappropriate and tired of only being contacted when he needed something. Now, they aren’t speaking, and she’s wondering if she was wrong for refusing. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to help my friend with his relationship?’

I (24F) have been friends with a guy (24M) for over 15 years, Our relationship has always been platonic, we were very close including times when we had relationships, we both befriended our s/o and gave each other relationship advice. However, things got complicated after high school.

We stayed close at first, even when he went to college far away. Over time, he started pulling away, especially when he had a girlfriend. He ignored my messages and stopped making time for me, but would occasionally come back into my life when things went wrong—like when his girlfriend cheated on him.

At one point after I was cheated on, he set me up with one of his friends, but when I started dating the guy, he ghosted me. He even ignored me and my boyfriend when I visited them in the town he went to school in. Once me and my boyfriend broke up, my friend still wasn’t talking to me but I found out he was talking to my ex and hanging out with him, which hurt.

2 years later, he randomly FaceTimed me, venting about his new girlfriend, who he claimed was controlling and insecure. He said she would follow him around and constantly accuse him of cheating. He also said that she read our past messages and found out that we live in the same neighbourhood so she doesn’t let him go home for breaks anymore.

He told me that he wanted to break up with her but was too afraid of how she would react. She started harassing me on Instagram, sending follow requests and DMs telling me to accept her request. I told my friend and he told me to accept it if I wanted to but I shouldn’t feel forced.

One night he messaged me at work asking when I was done work, (he asked me on vanish mode on ig which was weird) I was worried so I called him. He told me that since his birthday was coming up he wanted me to do him a favour. He asked me to accept her request and when she messages me I should reassure her that there was nothing between us, but I refused because it felt inappropriate.

I told him it was a ridiculous request and I wasn’t going to get involved in his toxic relationship, especially since he only seemed to reach out when he needed something. Now, we’re not speaking, and I’m wondering if I was wrong for not helping him with his relationship.

Check out how the community responded:

MattIdea8482 −  NTA. Whatever is he dealing with its between him and his partner , you dont need to be some kindergarten teacher telling the kids to behave …haha. btw …. he aint a friend if he only looks for you when he needs you , let the friendship end , it seems he only brings drama in your life and dont need that

EmmaCollins898 −  NTA. You’re not his emotional janitor, especially after he ghosts you until he needs something. Let him clean up his own mess.

HappySummerBreeze −  Nta. When he and his friend both ghosted you was the time you learned he was not your friend. Block him. I would message her though and tell her that you are not romantically involved with him and never have been and you have just told him that you consider your friendship over as well.

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  So his gf is controlling and insecure and he believes accepting her friend request will allow you, a total stranger, to change behavior he’s been unable to change. Yeah, no, I don’t see that happening. NTA.

vargasm1 −  You don’t owe him anything.

cinnamonscarlett −  You definitely made the right call. It’s not your job to fix his relationship, especially when he’s been inconsistent with you. Setting boundaries is important, and it’s okay to say no when something doesn’t feel right.

StormingSunshine −  NTA some friendships are only there for a season, not meant to be a lifetime and that is perfectly fine. I’d stop responding and simply let that friendship fade away. Also block the girl … she sounds questionable at best.

PJ1883 −  NTA, you aren’t friends and haven’t been for a long time but you’re only just realising.

mdthomas −  You don’t want to get involved in their drama. If he is having so much trouble with his partner, he should just end the relationship.. This isn’t your problem.. NTA

Danube_Kitty −  NTA. That guy is not your friend for years. This is actually first time you two are not speaking based on anything else than him ghosting you. Like what will you miss if you block him and his current toxic gf? I don’t think you will miss being ignored or used.

Also, if a spouse of any of my friends would want me to explain and confirm how I am not/haven’t been involved with this friend, that’s a hard no from me. If you don’t believe your spouse, I am sure you won’t believe me either.

Do you think the friend was justified in refusing to get involved in her friend’s relationship, or should she have stepped in to help? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!