AITA for refusing to have a fully child-free wedding?

A man wants his 15-year-old son from a previous relationship to attend his wedding, despite his fiancée’s desire for a child-free event. The fiancée insists on no one under 16, citing that she doesn’t want to “babysit” or include the man’s “old family.”

The man argued that his son is an exception and critical to his sense of family on the big day. Now, tensions are high, with his fiancée accusing him of being controlling. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to have a fully child-free wedding?’

So i recently proposed to my long-term girlfriend, and we are planning for a wedding in summer next year, everything is still very early stages. My fiance has expressed that she wants a child-free wedding, which I am all down for but I want to make one expectation, my son (15M),

i had him from a previous relationship and we have evenly split custody of him.. Until now my fiance has gotten along great with him, we’ve had days out as a family, she’s gone to see his games (he plays ice hockey) and she’s even taken him out on fun days just the two of them..

I brought up that I wanted to make an exception to the no kids rule for my son, she shot the idea down straight away and said that she didn’t want anyone under 16 there as she doesn’t want to feel like she or anyone else has to babysit on her special day..

I told her that no one would have to babysit him, he’s 15 and she knows he’s well-behaved and a generally quiet kid. She then changed her reasoning and asked why i wanted my old family and life on the day I was supposed to making a commitment to her and our new family,

I told her while I will be making a commitment to her, my son will still very much be my son and my family..She then equated it to wanting my ex at our wedding, which I do not and never asked. I told her that i don’t care about the aesthetics of the wedding, and that she can pick everything else,

the food, the aesthetic, the music, the dress, but all i want is my family at the wedding (my parents, my sisters and my son), that is my only ultimatum when it comes to our wedding.. She started calling me controlling by giving me an ultimatum and said I had initially agreed to a child-free wedding and now im “g**lighting” her.

I said we can have a mainly child-free wedding, but with this one exception, an expectation that guests can’t even complain about being unfair since the only child is the son of the groom.. She called me a d**k and is now not talking to me, I really think this is a reasonable want, but maybe im not seeing something, so AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

YouthNAsia63 −  Wow wow wow. She doesn’t want *your own child* to come to your own wedding. And not a crying baby or a terrible two, but a *fifteen year old*, a kid that will be old enough to drive next year-when the wedding is??? If this goes on as she wants, do you think your kid won’t remember?

Yea, I’m sorry, bud, this is all kinds of evil stepmother red flags-the whole thing about you making a new commitment to *her* and her family, and equating having your son there to having your ex *wife* there! Dude. Get out now while you just have to eat the non refundable deposits for the wedding.

Save yourself and your kid a world of hurt. YWBTA if you marry this woman. edit to add, you have never had a fight like this before, because up to this point, she has been putting on a show. But now she is comfortable enough in the relationship to show you who she really is.

The_cupcake_ −  NTA. READ CAREFULLY. It reminds me of an another post on Reddit. Same situation the girl did not wanted her boyfriend to bring his daughter from his previous relationship to the wedding !

Guess what, after he said that it was not negotiable cuz his daughter will ALWAYS be his priority and family, she admitted that she was expecting that he will become some kind of “holiday’s dad”. She was hoping that when they will get children together his daughter will be less present in his dad’s mind and life.

The guy did not even think about it TWICE. He was disgusted (as he should) and dumped her. Then he went with his daughter on holidays during the week the wedding should have occurred. Starting a new family does not mean that you should d**p the previous one or make it less valuable.

And just imagine the image that your son is going to have of YOU and HER. Sorry English is not my native language… Sometimes on REDDIT I think that people are overreacting but for ONCE it’s not the case at all. Your son is your family. He is not a ghost of your old life.

Please, I beg you take the good decision and to be a good example for your son.

imaginary_labyrinth −  Don’t go through with this wedding. Your fiancée is being controlling, g**lighting you, and showing you exactly how she will behave if you are married. She doesn’t want your son in the picture and will do everything she can to ruin what relationship you have with him.

She equates him being at your wedding to your ex being there? Your son = your ex to her, and you will end up wondering why you’re in a miserable marriage and never see your son anymore.. NTA. She’s TA.

thesweeterpeter −  NTA There is a giant red flag on the play here. Your son is your son, he’s not going anywhere. asked why i wanted my old family and life on the day I was supposed to making a commitment to her and our new family,

She seems to be under some sort of illusion your relationship with your son will change when you’re married to her. You need to resolve this – or very seriously reconsider. Blended families are tough, and I think she has a fantasy in mind. You’re not fitting into it, because you have a history She isn’t able to contend with

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She then changed her reasoning and asked why i wanted my old family and life on the day I was supposed to making a commitment to her and our new family OP your fiancé just showed her hand. She considers your son part of your old life, and your old family.

That lil slip up may very well mean she is only tolerating your son and will start trying to push him aside once you’re married, not to mention favoring any children you have with her over him. I would think VERY carefully about whether this is the woman you want to marry or not after her ultimatum.

NuffSaid8 −  I got as far as you “old family” and she is your new family. This woman will destroy your relationship with your son and anyone else from your past. She has given you a glimpse of what is coming your way.

Once married she will slowly manipulate it so you are being separated from your son, any friends that knew you before and any family members that still have contact with your ex. I can tell you from experience most of the time someone claims you are g**lighting them, they are the ones doing it.

Even if she changes her tune about your son coming and blames wedding nerves or other conditions, DO NOT fall for it. She has shown you who she really is. She may start to back pedal a bit when she sees this isn’t her hill to fight on, don’t let that fool you.

Anyone who refers to you child as part of your old life, and says you might as well be inviting your ex is not a decent person to have around your son.

Aussiealterego −  She wants to exclude your son from your wedding. Read that again. Now think about, if this is how she is before marriage, imagine how much emotional damage she will do to that poor child after marriage. She wants to exclude him from your life. This is just the start.

LOC_damn −  Dude, you can’t marry someone who calls your child your “old family”. She has no interest in him. That’s not healthy for a kid/teen. If you marry someone who doesn’t want him around next she’ll demand that she be your sole inheritor and ‘promise’ to make sure you son is taken care of in the event of your d**th.

Dude, she doesn’t want your kid around. She called him being there “babysitting.”. YWBTA to marry her

SeApps63 −  NTA Major red flags. Child free in most people’s minds typically wouldn’t include those in HS. Why is she cool with a 16 year old but not 15?
If that’s true, you could say “okay, no problem sweetie. Well just have to make sure the wedding is after (son’s birthday) so he can come” and smile away.

^note I wouldn’t actually recommend this nuclear fight starter, but she’s got a big problem coming that you need to talk through.

Is he being unreasonable by insisting his son be there?