AITA for Refusing to Hang Out with My Friends Because I Always End Up Paying?
A 28-year-old man has been avoiding hanging out with his friends because he consistently ends up paying the bills when they go out. Despite addressing the issue, his friends dismiss his concerns, claiming he’s “better off financially,” even though money is tight for him.
After a particularly expensive dinner where they left him to cover everything, he decided to decline future invitations to protect his financial boundaries. His friends are now accusing him of being stingy and distant. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for Refusing to Hang Out with My Friends Because I Always End Up Paying?’
So, here’s the deal. I (28M) live on my own and manage my bills responsibly, but money’s been tight lately. My friends (let’s call them Sarah, Mynz, and Jake) have been asking me to hang out frequently, and I used to go along because, hey, it’s fun to unwind with your crew, right?
But here’s where the issue comes in. Whenever we go out—whether it’s dinner, drinks, or something casual—it seems like I’m always the one footing the bill. I don’t mind chipping in or covering for someone occasionally, but this has become a pattern.
They either “forget” their wallets, claim they’ll Venmo me later (spoiler: they never do), or outright assume I’ll take care of it. The last straw was a few weeks ago when we went out for dinner. They invited me, either knowing or not caring that I’ve been stretched thin financially.
We hit up this nice place, and they ordered appetizers, drinks, and desserts like it was their last meal. When the bill came, everyone just sat there, awkwardly staring at it. Guess who had to step in? I paid because I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I felt pretty resentful afterward.
When I gently brought it up later, they brushed it off, saying, “It’s no big deal,” or that I’m “better off” financially (not true). Fast forward to now: they’ve been asking me to hang out again, and I’ve been declining.
I don’t want to keep paying for everything or feel like the “bank” in the group. I tried explaining how I feel, but they accuse me of being stingy or not wanting to spend time with them. AITA for saying no and prioritizing my financial boundaries, even if it means distancing myself from them?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
sfrancisch5842 − Tell them you will hang out with them when the reimburse you.. And send them a bill. These people are not your friends. They are users. You worked hard to get to where you are. You deserve better.. Find new friends. NTA
MidnightPositive485 − NTA. Next time they ask to hang out just say “Hey money’s tight right now I can’t afford to go out unless someone is willing to cover me or we do something free.” If they agree (and pay) they are friends, if not, wash your hands of them, they are just mooches.
chibbledibs − When you sit down, just tell the server you’ll be having separate bills.
fireisbeautiful − NTA, they are not your friends they are using you, but before you cut contact, you should do the same to them, no? Go to an expensive restaurant and before desert, excuse yourself and ditch
Rattkjakkapong − You can just… you know… just pay for yourself, not them?
Angrabble − Oh come on dude, do not let your “friends” gaslight you into thinking you need to pay for their broke asses. They are clearly using you and don’t give a single f**k about how you feel.
I would honestly block them on everything and never speak to them again because this is ridiculous, and the fact that you’ve already brought this issue up to them and they’ve dismissed you is further proof that you need to block them out of your life
Hairy-Capital-3374 − YTA, to yourself. Why would you keep enabling them? They are not your friends. They are leeches. Go NC.
Pseudo-Data − ‘I enjoy spending time with all of you, it’s all of you spending my money I can’t afford. I’m still waiting for all the post meal Venmo payments I’ve been promised. You have all made me feel that it is my wallet, not my company, you want the benefit of and, quite frankly,
I just don’t want to sacrifice my already tight budget for your nights out.’ If there’s a next time you go out with these people, before ordering ask ‘hey, you guys have your wallets, right? Cause I seem to have forgotten mine.’
Chaoticgood790 − Not sure how you let all the previous times slide without getting payment back. Like how does that even work? Anyways these aren’t your friends as if that wasn’t super clear the first 500 times you got stuck with the bill. Tell them you will hang out with them when they have money to actually pay their bill
Caspian4136 − NTA These people aren’t really your friend as true friends don’t do this. They’re using you for free dinners and now trying to gaslight you when you finally put your foot down. Next time they invite you, tell them you’re not paying for them, period.
When you get to the restaurant, tell the waiter straight away separate bills for everyone. If your friends start getting their panties twisted, then just get up and leave, telling them on your way out that you knew they were just using you for money.
Setting boundaries with friends is never easy, especially when finances are involved. Is it fair to step back to avoid being taken advantage of, or should they have handled the situation differently? What’s your take? Share your opinion below!