AITA for refusing to go to my own birthday dinner?

A 17-year-old with severe medical issues, including cellulitis and painful abscesses, shared how her father planned a surprise birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant despite her explicitly saying she wasn’t up to celebrating. She’s in significant pain, can only wear baggy clothes, and dislikes the restaurant’s food.

After asking to reschedule, her father dismissed her concerns, emphasizing the deposit he paid. Her mother also called her selfish for not attending. Now, she’s questioning whether she’s in the wrong for wanting to skip the dinner. Read the original story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to go to my own birthday dinner?’

I 17F am turning 18 in a couple days. I’ve been having a lot of medical issues the last couple months. Don’t know if anyone knows what this is but I’ve had cellulitis twice in the last 4 months and over 25 abscess’s a lot of which I’ve had to get lanced.

Anyways, if you don’t know what that is you can google it but the point is that I’ve been miserable and in a lot of pain for a while now to the point where I can barely walk let alone go to school.

And my dad calls me up today and informs me that he went behind my back (after I told him days prior that I was having a bad flare up and haven’t been able to leave my bed for days because I was in so much pain and that I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my birthday)

that he booked a reservation at a fancy restaurant for me and my entire family to go to tomorrow to celebrate my birthday. He also knows I f**king hate the food at this restaurant lol.

I asked him if we could reschedule for next week and reminded him of what I had told him a few days prior and that I would just be in pain the entire dinner if I went and wouldn’t be able to wear the appropriate clothes to a place like that because

I can’t wear anything but baggy clothes right now because of pressure on the abscesses really hurts me. He told me that he didn’t care and I would have to s**k it up and go because he put a deposit down.

I went to my mom and started crying that I didn’t think I could go because of how much pain I was in and she said that it’s just a couple hours and I should just go so his money he put down on the deposit doesn’t go to waste and that I was being selfish which just made me feel even shittier than I already do.. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

International-Fee255 −  NTA Your family obviously doesn’t have any idea how sick you actually are. You don’t have to go but it seems like your parents will make you miserable if you don’t.

notthedefaultname −  NTA. A deposit isnt worth making you miserable. And how the hell is it celebrating you to force you to “s**k it up” and be uncomfortable and do something you don’t want to do? You’ll be 18. Don’t go. Decline their invite. Let them be pissed. Let them go without you.

If they actually cared about you or had any empathy, “wasting” the money wouldn’t matter. Your comfort and happiness would. It’s also food you don’t like? So it’s not actually to celebrate your birthday is it?

It’s your dad using your birthday as an excuse to do something he wants, with no consideration of you in any form. Then let him go have his dinner. There no reason you need to play along with the farce that it’s for you.

Hot-Employment5597 −  Nta you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to especially as you are an adult now. My mom once tried to convince me my appendix wasn’t bursting as it was bursting in the ER. If I listened to her I would have died. 

Mooshu1981 −  NTA. My sister gets hospitalized a lot for this. So I understand what you are going through. The restaurant would understand if you called. Have you thought about calling the restaurant yourself and cancelling the reservation? Your parents s**k.

miss-gigii −  NTA You are sick, it doesn’t sound like your family understand that. It’s your birthday and you be able to decide how and when you celebrate it.
I’d have another conversation with your mom. I wouldn’t let them push me into doing something I can’t do.

If they are so bothered about the money tell them to go to the dinner without you. Invite a friend round and get a take out, watch a movie or something. Hope you have a Happy Birthday x

GeeGolly777 −  Perhaps call your doctor and get a doctors note? Clarely NTA and quite frankly, I would politely decline going to a restaurant you don’t even like for your birthday. That’s for him, not you.

Shadow_Phoenix_13 −  NTA. Frankly, if it’s a restaurant he knows you don’t like, you would be NTA even without the pain issue, because, as someone else said, your father is using your birthday as his excuse to go to a restaurant he wants to go to.

I was once thrown a surprise birthday dinner. I do not celebrate my birthday except on very rare years. I told the people there if they ever did that again, I would get up and walk out. Because they’re not terrible people, they listened, and I’ve not had to put up with that since.

Maybe this could be the wakeup call for your parents to actually listen to you. Or it could be your sign that you need to distance yourself from them. Please update us after the dinner happens and let us know how your parents react, assuming you don’t go.

Al00O −  NTA. Your parents are. They should understand that you’re in pain I you **can’t** go out because of it. They seemed like they worry about money more than about you.They are selfish not you. You just can’t go because of your illness and it’s something you **can’t control**.

They just want a excuse to go to restaurant. Don’t listen to them because it can hurt you even more. They probably won’t care but you can try talk to them again and explain it in more details etc. Anyway it’s your birthday. Your day – you decide. 

SadLocal8314 −  NTA. If you had pneumonia, or bronchitis, would they tell you to s**k it up for a few hours? Hint, if they would, you need to be out of their home ASAP. Cellulitis and its side effects can be painful and can be devastating. Take care of yourself! As they say on aircraft, “put on your own mask before assisting others.”

TayLou33 −  Bless your heart! NTA. I’ve never had cellulitis, but I know it’s painful. I do, however, have a history of abscess’, and they’re bloody painfull when you out pressure on them! Your family are SO inconciderate! What’s the harm in waiting a week?! You’ll still be 18 then!

And then, on top of that, to book a restaurant you don’t like is proper s**tty!. and that I was being selfish . No, just f**king no! It’s YOUR celebration, not theirs! Don’t let ANYONE make you feel s**t for not wanting to go, especially while you’re ill!

Should the user prioritize her health over her family’s plans, or is she wrong for not accommodating their efforts? How would you balance personal well-being and family expectations in such situations? Share your thoughts below!