AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma’s wedding dress and jewelry back?

A woman who purchased a hoarder house cleaned and restored many items left behind, including a vintage wedding dress and jewelry. When she shared photos online, a relative of the previous owner demanded those items back. The buyer refused, arguing the items were legally hers and the family forfeited them by selling the house. Read the full story below:

‘ AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma’s wedding dress and jewelry back?’

I(26F) bought a hoarder house back in May 2018. It is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. When I bought it, the contract stated that I take ownership of the house and everything in it. The lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8″, and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling).

Well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. While doing the cleaning I made sure to check everything before throwing it out. Ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. This woman took care of that dress untill she couldn’t anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it.

I currently don’t have a partner, but I decided that it would he the dress I will be wearing if I ever get married. While doing the cleaning, I reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (Christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork…), and because of that, I had one of them (30s F) in my FB friends list.

After repairing the dress, I put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on FB. Well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. I refused to give them back, and legally they can’t do anything. Also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. Now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

zakatekaluka −  NTA- Recovering hoarder here. Legally, you are in the right. Morally, you are also in the right. And though I cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, I can give you insight into how I would feel if I died before I could find homes for my treasures: I would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them.

You saw the beauty in them, as did she. You didn’t just chuck it all in a dumpster. Take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. Her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle. Edit: Thank you everyone for the upvotes, awards, and most of all kind comments!

AGirlHasNoName2018 −  NTA. It’s a *lot* to clean a hoarder’s house. They could have hired a service if they were mentally unable to do it but instead they dumped it on someone else who paid them to take the house and all that’s in it.

If they cared about the items they should have offered you money or asked you to keep an eye out. It’s yours, you did the work. I don’t care how cheap you got the house, it probably doesn’t “even out” like someone said because hoarding houses are… disasters, simply put and it takes a lot to clean and restore them.

Obvious-Might7469 −  NTA. You bought it AND then (more importantly) you did a s**t ton of work to save and restore these things. Honestly, if I were the grandma I’d rather have my stuff go to a random stranger who gave a damn then anyone else.

Also, on that note, I’m gonna call out everyone in the comments (fortunately not that many) who say that this dress is more important to the family member. Umm, no. It’s not that important to the family. Their convenience was more important. Now that all of the hard work is done SUDDENLY it all means so much to them. That’s ridiculous.

My grandmother was a hoarder and my family spent MONTHS cleaning out her house after she died. We did that because our family heirlooms and history meant something to us. It wasn’t easy. It was costly and time consuming and miserable, and really important. You don’t get to come back later, after all of the work is done, and decide you’re suddenly entitled to the fruit of someone else’s work.

alt546789 −  NTA. You can offer to sell it to them if you are feeling nice, but you literally spent 4 years going through all of the house, cleaning and fixing things up. That’s a lot of labor they didn’t feel like dealing with. You should probably remove them from FB. Honestly it’s also a little weird that you posted a pic in that dress if you plan on getting married in it someday

shuckyducked −  NTA- But, since you were giving them mementos, which was a nice gesture, I think you confused them when you showed off the dress. Cut them off and stop showing anymore things you’ve discovered.

emotionallydented445 −  NAH. The previous owner of the home passed away and it was likely much easier for her family to sell the house as is. In these cases the family are exhausted trying to reach the mentally ill person with the hoarding problem and just want to remove that stress from their lives after she passed. Completely reasonable.

They may have thought it all destroyed because as you said you could only open doors 8″ and there was waste everywhere. You are legally the owner of this property and you took the time and money and care to restore these items. As they are legally yours. You do have a right to keep them.

I’m not going to say you’re an AH for keeping them, but it would be a very kind thing to offer these items to the family. Despite the fact the house was in ruins it doesn’t mean they didn’t love their grandmother and wish to have some of the things she likely would have left to them if she’d been able to get to them.. Edited because I forgot judgement

UhLeXSauce −  NTA. I honestly do feel this is a case of them wanting the spoils without doing the labor. You invested your time and money to recover clean and fix everything. You should be compensated for your labor. You did give them back sentimental items but if they want the valuable items I think they should pay.

evil_nala −  NTA. I feel like people are not understanding the risk you took buying a hoarder house. The cleaning/disposal for cleaning up a bad hoard is expensive and time consuming, and there’s no guarantees of being able to salvage anything. Plus, it’s not unusual for the entire house to be destroyed by a hoard and the destruction to not be visible until the hoard is cleared.

Let’s be clear, the family had a chance to ask for a clause to return or buy back the heirlooms when they sold the house. They didn’t do that because they assumed nothing they valued survived and they didn’t want the trauma of dealing with the hoard. I understand the surprise of seeing that you were able to salvage these heirlooms, and i understand them wanting the heirlooms back.

But, they don’t get to just demand the items and they don’t get to be s**tty about you saying no. Frankly, they should be grateful that you salvaged and returned the other sentimental mementos and papers. Many people wouldn’t even go that far.

Internal_Analysis472 −  I’m going to have to go with YTA. While you may legally own those items, and they could’ve looked through the house themselves, once you’ve opened up communication with the family and friended them on Facebook, flaunting their dead grandma’s stuff–and expensive stuff at that– is like rubbing their loss of heirlooms in their faces.

There are many reasons people sell homes as is. People on this subreddit seem to think it’s just because they “didn’t care enough to look through it themselves.” But more than likely other factors– like mental health, grief, managing debt after a loss– were all huge factors. Maybe they made a difficult decision and sold the house to pay for a funeral, who knows.

It doesn’t mean that what is in the house isn’t still significant. OP clearly said that the dress looked like it had been taken care of–probably more than other things in the home– which means that this dead woman probably wanted to pass on her wedding dress.

Flaunting that and her valuable possessions in front of the family through Facebook is thoughtless behavior. To echo what other posters have said, what is legal and moral are two different things.

readshannontierney −  NTA here. This is no good deed goes unpunished situation If you’d trashed the mementos that are purely sentimental instead of seeking the family out you share, no one would give you any grief for not handing other items back.

There are professionals who could have been hired to sort through the hoarder’s house. The family chose not to get help. They sold the house knowing Grandma’s valuables were in there. Tell them you will give them anything indicated as theirs in the legal contract they read and signed when they sold the house to you but do not get sucked into a debate or a fight.

Should the new homeowner return the sentimental items to the original family, or is she justified in keeping what was legally part of the house sale? Share your thoughts below!