AITA for refusing to give the veil I made for my daughters to my future daughter in law and also not making her own veil?
Family heirlooms carry a special kind of magic—they’re woven with memories, love, and sometimes, hard-won tradition. In this case, a mother who once lovingly handcrafted wedding veils for her daughters now finds herself at the center of a heated family dispute.
The story unfolds when her future daughter-in-law (FDIL) asks to borrow the veil she made for her daughter, arguing that since one daughter is gay and won’t be using it, the veil should instead be hers. However, the mother firmly refuses, citing that the veil was a cherished gift made exclusively for her daughters, and she has no plans to create another due to her arthritis.
‘AITA for refusing to give the veil I made for my daughters to my future daughter in law and also not making her own veil?’
Family traditions and heirlooms often symbolize deep personal bonds and unique family histories. According to (Dr. Laura Markham), a renowned parenting expert and author featured on Aha! Parenting, “Family heirlooms are not just objects; they represent love, legacy, and the personal stories that bind us together. It is entirely reasonable for a parent to reserve such treasures for the children they created them for.”
In this case, the mother’s decision to keep the veil—made with love for her daughters—reflects a desire to honor that history. (Dr. Markham) further explains that expecting a parent to reproduce these heirlooms for every new family member can sometimes blur the lines of genuine familial acceptance. “While inclusivity is important, it’s also crucial to respect the intentions behind a handcrafted gift,” she adds.
The mother’s refusal to give the veil or to create another for her FDIL isn’t about rejecting her future daughter-in-law; it’s about preserving a piece of her daughters’ legacy and acknowledging her own physical limitations. In scenarios like these, open communication about family traditions and boundaries is key to preventing resentment on all sides.
See what others had to share with OP:
Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and unfiltered. One redditor, pottersquash, was emphatic in their support, stating, “The veil was made for your daughters; it’s not a commodity to be shared on demand. Your FDIL needs to understand that family heirlooms have designated recipients.” Another user, glimmerseeker, argued, “Your arthritis is a real concern—you have every right to refuse creating a new veil.
It’s not your job to manufacture heirlooms for every new family member.” A third commenter pointed out, “It’s about respect. Your daughter cherishes her veil, and FDIL’s demand undermines that emotional connection. Boundaries matter!” Finally, a popular comment from VinylHighway summed it up: “People are so entitled these days. Just because you join the family doesn’t mean you get to claim everything handed down without understanding its history.”
This situation isn’t just about a wedding veil—it’s a microcosm of larger issues surrounding family traditions, entitlement, and respect. While family should be inclusive, it’s also important to honor the memories and emotions embedded in personal heirlooms. The mother’s decision to reserve the veil for her daughters, and her inability to create another due to arthritis, is a stand for preserving her family’s legacy.
It raises an important question: Should new family members be expected to adopt and share in all traditions, or can there be room for individual family histories to remain exclusive? What are your thoughts on balancing tradition with evolving family dynamics? Share your experiences and insights below—your perspective might help others navigate these delicate situations.