AITA for refusing to give my sister any help in anything ever?

A 16-year-old Redditor opens up about years of bullying and emotional strain caused by her younger sister, now 15. Despite attempts by their parents to mediate, the toxic relationship continues.

Recently, the sister needed help with math tutoring, and the user refused, citing the emotional toll of past and ongoing mistreatment. Their parents are upset, calling her stubborn and asking her to reconsider. Is the user justified in standing her ground? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to give my sister any help in anything ever?’

I (16f) have one sister (15). She has a temper and it makes her mean. When we were younger it was over stuff that she believed I could do that she couldn’t. But there was nothing. She’d say I got to do more extra curricular’s than her but we each had one. I was in a music class after school for 5 years and she did dance.

My classes had more breaks than hers did but we still only had one each. She’d get SO mad at me for having more and sometimes when I’d get back from class when she was on break I’d come home to her dumping all my stuff all over the room. One time she threw stuff from the top of the stairs when dad and I were coming in the door and she broke a lot of toys.

I was jealous that mom and dad bought her more stuff at Christmas when we were younger. At the time I thought they loved her more but the stuff all added up to the same amount. I got less because my individual gifts cost more. But when my sister was mean I’d argue that she got more than me. She’d still say I still got to do more stuff and it wasn’t fair.

When I was 10 she broke my guitar because she still believed I did more extra curricular’s. My parents couldn’t afford to replace it back then and I decided to quit music lessons because I didn’t like other instruments as much, except piano but that was more expensive to learn and we never owned a piano so practice was impossible.

I hated her so much for it but she would act so smug about it. She rubbed it in my face for years. When I got angry enough I’d tell her I wish she wasn’t my sister and I hated her. She’d say same. I started my period when I was 11 and I have endometriosis, only diagnosed this year, which causes me issues. I bleed a lot and have so much pain.

My sister started calling me gross and would tell people at school about how gross I am and she’d tell people about bleeding accidents I had. This is an ongoing problem and our parents punish her for it and they try to make us talk our issues out but it’s a waste of time. They discipline me too if I express that I hate her.

I try not to say it but it’s not a lie when I say it. I do hate her. And I’m not ashamed of hating the person who tries to make home and school hell for me. There are times my sister has needed help and I ignored it and did nothing. Which came up a couple of days ago because my parents wanted me to tutor my sister in math.

She always struggled with Math but now she’s failing it and they want me to help her so she doesn’t end up failing math all the way through high school. But I refused. I told them I would take them punishing me over helping her.

My parents brought up how I never help my sister and how she might b**ly me sometimes but we’re sisters and we should love each other and as the older sister I should try to help when I can. I told them I’d take being punished. They told me I was being so stubborn and they’ve been mad the last couple of days.. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Doc_HW −  NTA. Your sister has set several traps along the way to prevent any chance of you two getting along, and unfortunately, all attempts to fix things between you have failed. It’s totally understandable that, by now, you wouldn’t want to interact with her, even for schoolwork.

There’s also the chance that if you agree to help her, she might purposely fail math and try to blame you for sabotaging her, leading your parents to punish you for ‘hurting’ your sister. Honestly, the relationship between you two is quite toxic, and the healthiest thing for you is to gradually start cutting ties. Family trees can be pruned too.

Expensive_Excuse_597 −  NTA. As sisters who should love each other, your parents should punish your sister every time she bullies you. My suggestion would be to tell your parents that when they start punishing your sister for b**lying you, then and only then, will you consider helping her. Your parents are failing you and enabling your sister to be a b**ly.

No-Personality-9280 −  NTA   Ask them where your new guitar and your sister’s apology are.

norablisss −  **NTA**. You’re not wrong for refusing to help your sister, given the way she treated you for years. Her behavior has been hurtful and, honestly, quite damaging, and it makes sense that you wouldn’t feel comfortable supporting her academically or otherwise.

Horror-Reveal7618 −  NTA. Question, did your parents have your sister replace anything your sister broke? The natural consequence for when she broke your guitar would have been to suspend her dance classes until they could afford to replace your guitar or use any savings she had to do so.

1962Michael −  NTA. This is specifically about you choosing whether to tutor your sister in math. First of all, you probably know it well because you just did it last year. But that doesn’t mean you can teach it, especially if your sister is going to have an attitude about it. But if you’re open to it at all, I’d tell your parents that your price is a new guitar and lessons.

DankVapor −  NTA – She can fix all the toys she broke over the years. She can give me years of my life back after breaking my guitar and I never got back into music because of her. She can give me the years back of her embarrassing me at school for a medical condition. I’m not stubborn mom. You are asking me to add to her life when all she has done is subtracted from mine.

Sweet_Sorbet_2942 −  I hate my sister as well, growing up, she was so emotionally a**sive but it was always written off by our parents as “sibling drama” or whatever. Now, she’s struggling a lot and my parents keep on expecting me to step in and help out but tbh, as far as I’m concerned she’s nothing to me and I refuse.

Ive been a bit ostracized because of it but it is so worth it just to not be around her. Blood relations don’t mean s**t, so don’t feel bad for protecting yourself. But also tell your parents that if they insist on this, they risk damaging your relationship too. Stick it out for a little longer and start preparing. You only have a couple years left, so once you’re out you can choose who you want in your life

Best-Error500 −  NTA. It’s your parents job to help foster a healthy relationship between siblings. Your parents not punishing your sister for her b**lying is actively encouraging her to do so. Is It wrong of her to b**ly you the way she does? Absolutely.

She just might not have a full understanding of the damage she’s causing at those young ages if your parents are thinking it’s just normal, and teaching that. That doesn’t mean you have to take it either. You should be allowed to say no.

It’s more than likely it’s just gonna give her another opportunity to treat you badly some more. It’s clear your parents need to step in before this rift is irreversible, though you already likely know this. Keep standing up for yourself, make boundaries.

At 16(and being the older sibling) this is gonna feel like your relationship with your sister is fully your responsibility and on your shoulders. And it’s not. Keep standing up for yourself. Hold your boundaries. I really hope the best for you.

tuffyowner −  You’re not the only person that can tutor your sister.  Have your parents call her guidance counselor about how she can get help.  NTA

Is the user wrong for refusing to help her sister, or does her history of mistreatment justify her decision? How would you approach resolving such deep-seated sibling conflicts? Share your insights below!