AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it’s for “family emergencies”?

A 24-year-old woman, who has been financially responsible and saving for years, is being pressured by her mother to give access to her savings account. While she helps with family expenses when needed, her mom claims direct access is necessary for “family emergencies.” The woman is hesitant, wanting to maintain control of her hard-earned money for her future, and this has sparked conflict with her mother and older sister. Now, she’s questioning if she’s being selfish.

‘ AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it’s for “family emergencies”?’

I (24F) have been working since I was 18 and have been diligently saving money. Over the years, I’ve built up a decent emergency fund and started putting money aside for a house. My parents have always known I’m good with money, but recently my mom (48F) has been pressuring me to give her access to my savings account.

She says it’s because the family has had a lot of unexpected expenses lately, like car repairs and medical bills for my younger brother (15M). While I understand money is tight, I’ve always helped when I could. I’ve paid for groceries, contributed to household bills, and even helped cover my brother’s school supplies.

But my mom insists it’s not enough. She wants direct access to my savings account “just in case something big happens.” I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that since I’ve worked hard for this money and it’s meant for my future. I also mentioned that I’d be happy to help if a real emergency comes up, but I’d prefer to manage it on my terms.

She got really upset, saying I don’t trust her and that I’m being selfish. My dad has stayed out of it, but my older sister (26F) thinks I’m overreacting and should just let mom have access. She even said, “What’s the point of saving if you’re not going to help your family?”

Now, I’m feeling torn. On one hand, I want to help my family, but on the other, I don’t think it’s fair for me to hand over control of my hard-earned money. AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

792bookcellar −  I would highly recommend you do NOT share your account information, not even your balance. You are saving so you can move out. You should only be paying the bills you are required to pay for living in the house. You should also get a credit check to make sure you don’t have any other open accounts you are not aware of.

Short_Bus8309 −  NTA. Don’t do it, they will drain that account, it is not normal to request access to someone’s bank account.

busyshrew −  NTA. As the mom of a young adult woman, I can firmly tell you, your mother’s demand is wrong, and it is NOT usual nor normal. Your sister is throwing you under the rug because either she doesn’t have money and wants yours as well, or she would rather see your mom steal your money, rather than hers.

Ignore them both. If your mom keeps pestering you, I would suggest to go no or low contact for a while. And, most important, lock up your credit and identity information to prevent id theft from your mom. She’s signaling pretty strong intent to get your money somehow.

helpful-treefrog −  Do not give your mother access to your account. Just don’t. It’s a terrible idea that often ends up going very badly. You aren’t obligated to give your family anything, although it sounds like you have been pitching in ~~even though you were underage until recently~~ which is kind, but absolutely not something your parents should count on.

If there’s an emergency, your mother can let you know the problem and the cost, and then YOU can decide how much you’re willing and able to pitch in. I can’t stress enough how much she doesn’t need unrestricted access to your account!. Edit: misread OP’s age.

catscatsonlycats −  It is YOUR money, not hers. Only you can say who gets access. She is being the horrible one, guilt tripping you into feelings bad.

Cornmunkey −  Bank guy here: Anyone added to an account has fully legal access to all money. If you add your mom she can empty the account into an individual account only in her name and you will lose that money with zero recourse.

plantprinses −  The point of savings is that the saver can use it for down payment for a house, unexpected medical expenses, a car that needs to be replaced, that kind of thing. These are your savings. If your mother wants money, let her save money herself. If you give her access, she will claim than anything and everything is an emergency, including emergencies that she is able to pay for herself. DO NOT GIVE HER ACCESS.

It has nothing to do with being selfish: you worked for this. Your mother and sister are the selfish ones, because they want to use money they didn’t help you to get. If your family claims it needs help, you yourself can decide whether a) it really is an emergency and b) whether it is reasonable that you pay partly.

Your parents should not depend on your money: they should be able to support themselves and if not, they should look into getting a job, another job, more hours, downsize or cut costs. The same applies to your leech of a sis.

Uropa_Hoppenstedt −  In what kind of financial family emergency there’s no time to ask you to help? NTA – keep your account info safe and double check everything they come up with.

A-typ-self −  As a parent, no you are absolutely NOT an AH. You said that you would be willing to help with a big financial emergency. That’s helping family on your terms. The only reason to give your mother access at this point would be for her to access that money without your knowledge. You are an adult, there is absolutely no reason to share your banking information OR give them access.