AITA for refusing to give my half sister any of our grandmothers jewelry after they excluded me for years?

A Redditor shared their story of a complicated family dynamic, where they were excluded for years by their half-siblings due to being the product of an affair. When their grandmother’s jewelry collection was left to them, it sparked a conflict with their estranged siblings, who claim the jewelry was meant for the eldest granddaughter. Read the full story below to see how the drama unfolded!

‘ AITA for refusing to give my half sister any of our grandmothers jewelry after they excluded me for years?’

Expert Opinion

The Legacy of Parental Infidelity
Dr. Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, a family communication scholar, notes that children of affairs often face “identity stigmatization,” blamed for circumstances beyond their control. “They become scapegoats for adult mistakes,” she explains in Psychology Today. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of adult children from affair-based relationships report lifelong familial alienation, with inheritance disputes exacerbating feelings of illegitimacy.

Inheritance and Emotional Justice
Legal ambiguity around unwritten wills frequently fuels family strife. Estate lawyer Margaret Hoopes emphasizes, “Without documentation, ‘intentions’ are subjective. Legal ownership trumps tradition.” Here, the father’s decision to gift the jewelry aligns with his legal rights but clashes with perceived emotional entitlements. Dr. Joshua Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement, argues that such gestures “rarely resolve guilt—they transfer conflict to the next generation.”

The Half-Siblings’ Perspective
While the half-siblings’ cruelty is indefensible, their resentment toward their father’s infidelity is rooted in betrayal trauma. Dr. Tamara Afifi’s research on family estrangement highlights that “adult children often redirect anger toward affair-born siblings to avoid confronting the parent’s betrayal.” This displacement, however, perpetuates cycles of harm.

A Path Forward
Therapists like Dr. Sheri McGregor, author of Done With The Crying, advise setting boundaries: “Prioritize self-protection over reconciliation.” For the OP, retaining the jewelry may symbolize reclaiming agency. Yet experts caution against viewing possessions as reparations—“Heirlooms can’t replace love, but they can affirm worth,” says Dr. Coleman.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Community Opinion

Reddit’s top comments overwhelmingly support the OP: “NTA. They celebrated your mom’s death—keep the jewelry!” Users skewer the father’s role, calling him the “true AH” for perpetuating family dysfunction. Some, like u/Electronic_Ladder398, advise sarcastic retorts, while u/bookishmama_76 highlights the irony of the half-sister’s accusations. A minority, like u/Impressive-Sky3250, criticize the father for disregarding his mother’s wishes.