AITA for refusing to give free tutoring to my mom’s stepdaughter because she bullied me when my mom married her dad?

A 17-year-old was bullied by his mom’s stepdaughter, Frankie, for years, leading to a strained relationship with his mom and a change in custody. Now, his mom and her husband are asking him to tutor Frankie for free, as she’s struggling in school. Despite their pleas, the teen refuses, citing the years of mistreatment. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to give free tutoring to my mom’s stepdaughter because she bullied me when my mom married her dad?’

I (17M) live with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 4 and they shared me 50-50. When I was 7 my mom met her husband Ricky and they got married after dating for about a year. Ricky had three kids. Frankie was a year older than me, Cole was two years younger and Jesse was three years younger.

Frankie wasn’t happy her mom was gone and she took her dad’s marriage to my mom out on me. She bullied me for 3 years at my mom’s and in school. My mom and Ricky knew and they intervened but my mom also didn’t really make me feel better and she kept making excuses for why we had to try and make things work.

Even when Frankie threatened to push me out of the upstairs window my mom would tell me I needed to be patient, kind and loving and that sometimes siblings struggle with new additions. Frankie was physically and emotionally bullying me and she had access to me way more than I wanted her to. There wasn’t a day with my mom when she didn’t bully me.

Some of the stuff she did in those three years included; breaking my stuff, threatening me, throwing her juice over me in school, tripping me up in school, ruining my homework, trying to close doors on my hand, locking me out of the house, pouring water on my bed right before my bedtime, spreading rumors at school about me crapping my pants and pissing myself when we’d go anywhere.

When it got to the point I wasn’t eating, was struggling in school, the school were reaching out to my parents and my interest in stuff was gone, my dad was able to win custody of me because the home environment was considered unhealthy for me and was very literally putting me at risk.

My mom was pissed but she kept some legal custody. This meant I had to stay in the same school because mom said so. We also met up once a week for two hours outside her house and without Ricky and his kids. Frankie kept bullying me at school and she did a few more physical things to me.

Dad finally got permission to move my school when Frankie threatened to kill me in front of the whole school. I never forgave my mom for staying with Ricky and choosing to be a stepmom to Frankie over being my mom. And she did. People can say she didn’t do that all they want, and some have said that to me, but it’s what she did.

She chose her marriage and her stepkids over me. She expected me to tolerate that and love Frankie anyway and to be glad she met Ricky. I still don’t go to my mom’s and our visits have decreased significantly. She added me to a group chat with her and Ricky and they told me Frankie’s doing really bad in school, might not be able to pull off graduating, and she needs a tutor.

My mom knows I tutor for my school. The two of them asked me to tutor Frankie so she can have a chance at graduating. Ricky made this really passionate speech about how she needs this. My mom told me I should help out family and we can try to put “the mess” behind us. I told them I would never help Frankie and I would rather die than spend another second with her.

I told them not to bother me with that s**t again and I left the chat and blocked Ricky’s number (can’t legally block my mom’s because of the court stuff). My mom and Ricky have texted me from mom’s phone asking me to reconsider and saying I need to move forward and try to work on the family stuff.

And yeah, like my title says they want me to do it for free. Or as mom said for “bonus points with the parents”. Papa bear came out when I told my dad what they’d asked me. He’s so pissed. But I know that digging my heels in might be sorta petty and show an unwillingness to see if Frankie has/will/could change in the future.. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Artistic-Giraffe-866 −  Not petty at all – your mother’s behaviour has been obscene – so they are so worried about Frankie but didn’t appear to show the same level of concern about you !

Your mother was willing to sacrifice your well being for keeping peace with a load of bullies – honestly I hate your mother and would not entertain her suggestion for a hot second – it’s worthy of a laugh but that’s about all – it’s absurd and it says a lot about her attitudes to you still ! She is still willing to sacrifice you for her new family ! What a d**che bag she is

lmmontes −  Big no to helping your tormentor. NTA. You don’t owe your mom anything at this point – she did nothing to help when you were being abused (and made it worse). Just wait until you are 18 and say goodbye. Hugs!

ComedicHermit −  NTA, sucks that your mom let you down like that.

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell mom that as soon as the court says you no longer have to have contact with her, you will be going NC with her.

Melodic_Ranger926 −  Definitely NTA. Your mom and her husband are totally out of line to be requesting that you help her. I wouldn’t expect Frankie to appreciate it if you did. She is mean, malicious and was never held accountable.

Could you petition the courts and request no contact with her and the rest of that awful family. Can you press charges against Frankie? I can’t believe your mother and Rickie would think”bonus points” would be any incentive to you. Not only are they mean and abusive, they really don’t seem very bright.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Tell mom, “You chose her over me even when she threatened my life. You told me to deal with it instead of dealing with her and her treatment of me. Now you can deal with the monster you helped create. I will never have anything to do with her. As for helping family, where were you when this family member needed help from her?”

Wild_Hat7114 −  NTA. Frankie bullied you relentlessly, causing severe emotional harm, and neither she nor your mom has truly taken responsibility or made amends. You’re under no obligation to tutor her, especially for free. Forgiveness and helping her are your choices, not something your mom and Ricky can pressure you into. Setting boundaries is healthy, not petty. Stand firm.

Beneficial-Sort4795 −  You can’t block your mom right now but you CAN leave them on read unless the thing they text is for/about you. No is a whole answer, ignore them cause you already said it.

Frankie going down the toilet is just poetic justice. That the school didn’t expel her was a total failure. I’m glad you’re less than a year away from never having to deal with your s**t mom and her sociopathic new ‘family’. NTA

kiwigirl71 −  You might not be able to block her number, but can you mute her? That way at least you don’t see her msgs pop up constantly. ETA NTA

iknowsomethings2 −  NTA. F**k your mum and Ricky. Frankie has FAFO. She should be in therapy. Your mother failed you for not protecting you and posing Ricky and Frankie over you.. You owe her and Frankie NOTHING.

I assume you’ll block your mum when you turn 18. Sucks to s**k. If you are close to 18, since the courts will take some time I bet you could block her earlier than that (that is not legal advice). I’m glad your dad protected you, I’m sorry your mum failed you.

Can someone be expected to forgive and forget years of abuse just because a family member needs help? Where do we draw the line between kindness and self-preservation? Share your thoughts below!