AITA for refusing to give free tutoring to my mom’s stepdaughter because she bullied me when my mom married her dad?

When family obligations clash with long-held wounds, setting boundaries can feel like the only way to protect yourself. In this story, a 17‑year‑old boy reveals why he refuses to tutor his mom’s stepdaughter, Frankie, despite her parents’ pleas. After years of enduring relentless bullying from Frankie—ranging from physical harm to emotional abuse—he’s reached his breaking point.

His mother and her husband, Ricky, have recently asked him to offer free tutoring to help Frankie improve her academic performance, a request that dredges up painful memories of feeling unloved and unprotected. For him, helping Frankie now would only serve as a reminder of the years he spent suffering while his own needs were ignored.

He explains that despite his efforts to remain polite and supportive to his family, Frankie’s ongoing bullying has left scars that make it impossible for him to forgive or forget. With his dad’s support but facing pressure from his mom and Ricky, he’s torn between familial duty and self-preservation. Now, he wonders if his refusal to help is selfish or justified, especially when his own well-being and academic success were once jeopardized by Frankie’s relentless abuse.

‘ AITA for refusing to give free tutoring to my mom’s stepdaughter because she bullied me when my mom married her dad?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a young person has been repeatedly subjected to bullying—especially from a family member—there is a very real need to set firm boundaries. The refusal to engage in further interaction with someone who has caused long-lasting emotional harm is a protective mechanism. In cases like these, the individual’s response is not merely about refusing a favor; it’s about reclaiming self-respect and emotional well-being.”

She continues, “It’s crucial that the affected party feels heard and supported. While tutoring might seem like a small favor, it can also symbolize a re-opening of old wounds. A structured, mediated conversation might be helpful, but if the trauma is deep, it’s understandable to refuse further engagement.”

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Family dynamics can be extraordinarily complex, especially in blended families where past abuse continues to influence current relationships. In situations where one sibling or step-sibling has inflicted repeated harm, the affected party has every right to refuse involvement in activities that serve as a constant reminder of that abuse. This isn’t about being ungrateful—it’s about self-care and maintaining healthy boundaries.”

Both experts agree that while the refusal to tutor may seem harsh to some, it is a legitimate response to long-term emotional abuse. They emphasize the importance of professional counseling for all parties involved, to help heal past wounds and possibly pave the way for future reconciliation. However, in the immediate term, protecting one’s mental health and self-respect is paramount.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Several redditors expressed strong support for your decision. One user commented, “If someone’s been bullying you for years and causing deep emotional scars, you’re not the asshole for saying ‘no’ when they ask for help. Your boundaries are completely valid.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve seen similar situations where people were forced to engage with toxic family members. Sometimes, you have to draw a hard line to protect your own mental health. You deserve to be respected, and you’re not obligated to ‘fix’ someone who hurt you.”

Ultimately, your decision to refuse to tutor Frankie is not about being unhelpful—it’s a deeply personal stand against reopening old wounds. While some may see it as petty, your response is a valid expression of self-care after years of abuse that you were forced to endure. This situation forces us to ask: How do we balance family obligations with the need to protect our own mental health? Is it possible to help someone who has caused you deep emotional harm without compromising your well-being?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation where your past trauma prevents you from helping out a family member? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between familial duty and self-preservation.