AITA for refusing to forgive my Dad for breaking our deal?

A 17-year-old shared their frustration after their dad reneged on a deal they made: if the user kept up with piano lessons and achieved certain milestones, they could pick out a new car of their choice. After fulfilling their end of the bargain, the dad presented them with a toy car instead, citing a “loophole” in their agreement.

The user feels betrayed and has distanced themselves from their dad, refusing a compromise of a used car. Now, they’re wondering if their reaction is petty or justified. Read the full story below for all the details.

‘ AITA for refusing to forgive my Dad for breaking our deal?’

When I (17 M) was 8, my parents bought me a piano and signed me up for lessons. I was super excited because I love music. Over time I kind of became known as the ‘piano guy’ at school. I play at school concerts, accompany the school jazz choir, and play once a week for the residents at a couple of retirement homes in our town.

When I was 15, I started to talk about quitting lessons, and my parents quickly tried to guilt me out of it. I told them I wanted to try other things, and that between piano and studying, I didn’t have much time left for other extra curriculars. My Dad proposed a deal.

If I kept playing and taking lessons until I reached level 10 RCM (Royal Conservatory of Music), and continued to keep my grades up at school, he would buy me a new car of my choice. I jumped at it and we shook hands on the deal. I should explain that my family is well off financially.

I have a very privileged life, but I wouldn’t say I’ve been spoiled. If I ever want a luxury item like a new phone or game console, I have to buy it myself with money I’ve saved from summer and after school jobs. I should also explain that my Dad’s big on loopholes. When we compete, he always finds a way to win,

and when I do it doesn’t count because of some loophole. It drives me nuts, but he thinks it’s hilarious. Whenever I complain about him not playing fair, his answer is always the same: life isn’t fair. So, because of our deal, I kept up with my lessons. I spent about 1-2 hours a day on piano,

while keeping my grades up. Last summer, I took my level 9 RCM exams and passed, fulfilling my part of the deal. II told my Dad I’d chosen the BMW X5 plug-in hybrid SUV. A couple of months ago, on my birthday, I came downstairs for breakfast, and my Dad told me there was a surprise waiting for me in the garage.

I ran out, and sitting in the middle of the floor was a 1/24 scale, toy BMW X5. My Dad burst out laughing and said, “A deal’s a deal, so as promised here is your brand new BMW!” My heart absolutely broke. I asked if he was being serious,

and he said I couldn’t seriously have expected him to buy a 17 year old a real brand new BMW and that we could discuss getting me a reasonably priced used car. I said we had a deal and I fulfilled my end of it, he said he did too since I never said that the car had to be full size and drivable. I said he wasn’t being fair. His response: life isn’t fair.

Ever since this happened, I’ve been distant with my Dad. I honestly feel like he betrayed my trust and that he deliberately made a fool out of me. He keeps bringing up the idea of a used car, but I told him I’m not interested, which I admit is kind of petty.

I have enough money saved that I can buy a cheap used car myself, and I just feel like if I accept one from him now it’s like saying that breaking his promise didn’t matter and that he didn’t do anything wrong. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Slight-Bar-534 −  NTA.. someday when he wants to come home for holidays, send a framed photo he can set at the table. There. You are home. You didn’t tell him you’d be there in person .. Life’s not fair, dad

buttercupgrump −  NTA Life might not be fair, but that doesn’t justify your father being cruel. I’m sorry he finds more enjoyment in letting you down than being a good dad.
ETA: Regarding some of the other comments saying a 17 year old doesn’t need a car that expensive.

I don’t necessarily disagree. That’s a pretty expensive car for an inexperienced driver. However, the father should have been upfront about the type of car he was willing to buy instead of letting OP think he’d get him one.

FakenFrugenFrokkels −  NTA. Your dad has set a s**t example for you. Life isn’t fair, but you should be able to trust those closest to you.
If I’m you I’m getting out on my own asap, and cutting off all financial dependence from them. Only then will you be free to be the man it seems you have potential to be.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. The key phrase here is “the car of my choice.” The toy version of the car was not what you chose. Your father is sneaky and m**ipulative.

Stoat__King −  “he would buy me a new car of my choice” “I said we had a deal and I fulfilled my end of it, he said he did too since I never said that the car had to be full size and drivable.” These two statements are contradictory.

If he really promised you the car of your choice, the amount of wriggle-room that he has is little to none.. NTA. Just out of interest, why is he so invested in your piano playing that he would go to such lengths to convince you to carry on with such an (apparently) expensive deal?

NemoOfConsequence −  Your dad knew exactly what he was doing, and what he was doing was breaking his promise to you. NTA. I wouldn’t be talking to him, either, and you are not being childish. My youngest child is about to turn 40.; I’m not a fellow teenager.

I would never have done such a thing to my shoulder b. It’s a clear breach of trust. What your dad did was slimy and unfair, and he basically manipulated you into doing what he wanted but then failed to meet his obligations. I would never trust him again.

ICWhatsNUrP −  NTA. Show your a**hole dad this article about winning a [Toyota] (https://www.heraldnet.com/news/former-hooters-waitress-settles-toy-yoda-lawsuit/), which is essentially what he did. Oh, and never make any deals or extend any trust to him again, he doesn’t deserve it.

Fraggle_Frock −  No parent should be looking for loopholes against their children. He manipulated you and has then clearly enjoyed every second of his “win”. I hope it was worth it as he clearly done significant and probably permanent damage to his relationship with his son. NTA.

Sadielady3 −  NTA. Your dad should have proposed a deal that he was willing to actually uphold. He was essentially manipulating you into giving up the opportunity to explore other interests- a healthy and normal thing for teenagers to do.

I do think buying a teenager a brand new BMW is a bit much and somewhat foolish but that was on him for putting that into a deal with you. One positive thing you can take away from all of his nonsense is that when you make a deal with people in the real world, be very clear on the details and get things in writing.

muddlinthru66 −  You need to tell your father that he has destroyed your trust in him, and while life may not be fair you do not expect betrayal from your own parent. I would also tell him that if he ever wants to see his grandchildren, he should think about changing his attitude. Or he won’t see them because we all know he will pull this same s**t on them.