AITA for refusing to fix my niece’s computer for free after I already helped out a lot?
A tech-savvy man, who previously built a budget gaming PC for his 15-year-old nephew, refuses to repair it for free after the motherboard dies. The nephew’s mom, his sister-in-law, has a history of irresponsibility, spending money on partying instead of her kids. She expects him to fix the PC at no cost,
but he offers to cover $100 of the $228 repair cost. Frustrated by her freeloading behavior, he draws a boundary, even as other family members offer to step in financially. His wife believes they should help, but he feels enabling her isn’t the solution. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to fix my niece’s computer for free after I already helped out a lot?’
So here’s the deal. I’m a tech guy, I make decent money, but my wife’s family isn’t well off. I’ve been trying to help out where I can, especially with her younger siblings’ kids (15 and 11). Last year, the 15-year-old asked me to build him a computer.
The family gave me a budget of $200, which is pretty much impossible to work with for a decent gaming rig, but I tried. I gave him my old RTX 2070 (I bought myself a new card a few months later), put together a bunch of other stuff I had lying around, and used a really old motherboard/CPU.
The budget basically bought a case, power supply, and a decent SSD. Out of the blue my sister-in-law drops the broken PC off at my house and expects me to fix it, no questions asked, no please about it. I work 50 hours a week, have my own kids, and am dealing with some medical issues.
so time is a luxury these days, and I’m really stretched thin, but I understand that they can’t afford to have it professional fixed. I finally find the time to look at it and realize that the motherboard is in-fact fried. Due to the age, getting a replacement board isn’t really an intelligent option,
but I can upgrade the machine for about 228 CAD for a new mobo/cpu, which I think is a fair price. I tell my sister-in-law (the mom) about the cost, and she basically tells me to either fix the old one or make it cheaper. At this point, I’m done with patching together old, unreliable stuff,
and I don’t have time to play around trying to re-sodder new capacitors on a motherboard that’s hitting 13 years old. I tell her that I’m willing to pitch in $100 for Christmas, but she’s going to have to come up with the rest of the money herself. Now here’s the kicker: My wife’s sister is a d**g addict.
Her parents give them all a place to live and pay for most of her bills, but she doesn’t have a full time job, and any money she does get she spends on partying. So, obviously, she has no intention of giving me any money and expects me to foot the entire bill.
I don’t want to see my nephew suffer, especially since that computer is probably the only refuge he has from his s**tty living situation, but at the same time, I’ve already done a lot, and I just can’t keep enabling his mother. She does this with her parents, she does it with my wife, and she’s trying to do it with me.
I’ve put my foot down, but my wife thinks we should just pay it, and the grandparents have already stepped in to tell me they can pay me back in her stead. I’m conflicted because I don’t want her parents to pay me, I want HER to pay me and stop being a damn leech and expecting free handouts,
especially when she’s going around telling her kids that “only idiots go to college” while literally in my presence. So AITA if I put my foot down and refuse to fix the computer without full payment?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Majestic_Register346 − Take the in-laws help and help the teenager out. Don’t punish him for the crimes of his mother. Perhaps that computer will be what enables him to get away from her. When the kids aren’t being impacted, cut off the leech.
I_am_Hambone − NTA – But how does hooking the kid up enable the mom? You could buy him a used ebay board, and have him over for the day and show him how to swap it out?
ACorania − NTA Help the kid, not her. Invite him over and involve him in the work so he understands what is going on and learns. Take the in-laws up on money if they are interested in helping.
_mmiggs_ − She’s a d**g addict with a habitually parasitical lifestyle. She’s not going to stop being “a damn leech”. This is a question for your wider family – to what extent is the family willing to subsidize her nonsense in order to keep her alive and a somewhat functional presence in her children’s lives vs to what extent are they willing to go nuclear (for example, cut her off and seek custody of the children).. NTA
HateKilledTheDinos − NAH question where’s the GoFundMe link cause I’ll gladly throw in some money to help alleviate some of the cost for this for 100% I usually pick a kid from the angel tree but I’ve gone blind in the past two years and haven’t really been able to do that,
and I would love the opportunity to help a child out for Christmas so please tell me how I can get some sort of money to you
SnooPets8873 − Take the in laws help for your nephew. It’s not helping sister in law, it’s helping him. And refusing to help him on this won’t change anything about her addiction or her parents enabling her.
One-Warthog3063 − Accept the money from the grandparents for the computer, chip in the $100 as your Xmas gift to your nephew. This is for your nephew, not for your sister. Make sure that he knows that the fixed computer is from you and the Gparents. Don’t let your relationship with your SiL taint the relationship with your nephew.
LadyAronna − Your nephew is a victim and all this the grandparents have said they’d help pay I think you should do what you can to fix the computer but get the money from the grandparents up front. And also you said that the mother is a d**g addict? I know you have your own kids and stuff to do….
But if any of my nieces were living with a d**g addict, I would be going for custody. I know that can be complicated but I’m afraid I would be doing everything I could to get that kid out of there. I know that’s not what you asked about but I couldn’t leave any of my nieces with a d**g addict for any amount of time and we’ll be doing all I could to get her out of there
I think you should do what you can to fix the computer, if the grandparents want to help with that let them.. That nephew need you!
cndnsportsfan − NTA. Addiction is tragic, and it often leaves its victims selfish and predatory on other’s goodwill.
I can kinda see where the family wants your niece to have it, but man, your SIL is treating you like s**t and like hell would I help in your situation.
Zoreb1 − NTA but your expectations for a d**g addict isn’t reasonable. I’d be more concerned that you’d fix the PC and she’d then sells it for d**g money.
Is he wrong for standing firm, even if it impacts his nephew? Should he prioritize the child’s needs over the mother’s behavior? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!