AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to my estranged father who abandoned me as a child?
A woman shared her internal conflict after being asked to donate her kidney to her estranged father, who abandoned her when she was a child. Despite the emotional pressure from his family and even her mother, she feels she owes him nothing after years of neglect and absence. Read her story and dilemma below.
‘ AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to my estranged father who abandoned me as a child?’
I (28F) was raised by my mom after my dad walked out on us when I was 5. He left to start a new family and had little to no contact with me growing up. He never paid child support or even called on birthdays or holidays. For years, I struggled with feelings of a**ndonment, but I eventually moved on and built a life without him.
Fast forward to now—out of the blue, I get a call from his wife telling me my father is very sick and needs a kidney transplant. She told me that I’m the best match and begged me to get tested. Apparently, his other family members aren’t compatible.
I told her no. I don’t owe him anything after the way he treated me. He made his choices when he abandoned me and my mom, and I feel no obligation to put myself through a major surgery for someone who’s essentially a stranger to me.
Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless. They say I’m letting him die out of spite and that I need to “be the bigger person.” Even my mom thinks I should consider it, not for him, but to avoid carrying guilt if he passes away.
I don’t feel guilty. I feel like he’s reaping what he sowed, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to the father who abandoned me?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
blablablablaparrot − Call the hospital and inform them that you are being pressured to donate your kidney. Hospitals take this very seriously. Keep your mother away for now as she is adding to this pressure. “Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless.”. Block Block Block.. NTA
ExoticTrapFish − Don’t even need to read based on the title, but did anyway. NTAH! You can deny anyone your kidney whether it’s a spouse, sibling, child, or parent. It’s a major surgery taking out a necessary organ. It’s not redundant having two when you could potentially need one yourself later in life. It’s your body
shammy_dammy − How can she tell you you’re the best match if you haven’t been tested?
Separate-Parfait6426 − Agree to be tested, tell the person who is testing you that you do not want to donate, and they then tell his family that you are not a match (without disclosing that you refuse to donate). One way to get his family to leave you alone.
You are right in not donating. There may be somebody in the future, who you actually love, who needs a kidney, and if you donate to your dad, the person who you live might die.
Megatoneboom − F**k him, NTA remember what happened to Locke when he donated.
WinnerActive9414 − There is some health risk to you with the transplant and it leaves you with only one kidney. Why should you risk this for someone who gave you nothing. He can go on the wait-list like everyone else. You owe him nothing. NTA.
Geetersmith − You’re NTA. Your body, your choice. I had a similar situation and chose myself too.
Former-Citron-7676 − Are you the same person asking AITAH for not donating their liver to their brother?. Fake…
FoxySlyOldStoatyFox − Is this rage bait? It feels like it should be rage bait. If not, whenever you get an angry missive just reply to each asking to see 23 years’ worth of messages from them to your father where they chewed him out for never paying child support or having any contact with you.vHave that message ready to copy + paste to each of these wankers.
If they reply with anything other than 23 years’ worth of messages from them to your father where they chewed him out for never paying child support or having any contact with you, explain they’ll have one opportunity before being blocked. . NTA
Conscious-Tonight-89 − A new AI variation of the same old posts, I see.
Should she reconsider and “be the bigger person,” or is she justified in refusing after a lifetime of abandonment? Is family about biology or the relationships you build? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!