AITA For Refusing To Crochet Something For My Brother’s Future Baby After Years Of Teasing?

A Redditor shares a deeply personal story about refusing to crochet a baby gift for his brother’s future child after enduring years of mockery from his family. His great-grandmother taught him how to crochet, and he inherited her tradition of making handmade baby gifts for new family members.

However, his brother, Tim, constantly ridiculed his hobby, calling it unmanly and making cruel jokes. Now that Tim is expecting a baby, he and his fiancée are demanding a crocheted gift, but the Redditor has put his foot down. His family accuses him of being petty and unfair to the baby. Read on to find out if he’s truly in the wrong.

‘ AITA For Refusing To Crochet Something For My Brother’s Future Baby After Years Of Teasing?’

I (24m) have never been like the other men in my family. I’m introverted, artistic, and would rather cosplay than play sports. At age 14 my great-grandmother moved in with us and she taught me how to crochet.

I loved it but my brothers, Jim (27m) and Tim (27m), used to tease me constantly for it when she wasn’t around and whenever I would complain my dad told me that life’s full of people that are going to call me names and that I need to “toughen” up. I honestly think he was just disappointed that I wasn’t an extroverted jock like him and his other sons, felt like he could just pressure me into becoming more like him.

When my great-grandmother died she didn’t have much but she specifically left me her crochet “hooks” and I was very touched. She also left my cousin an unfinished baby socks that she was crocheting for the my cousin’s baby, and I could tell my cousin was disappointed.

We kind of had this tradition of our great-grandmother making things for the coming babies. I offered to finish what our great-grandmother started, using her hooks, and my cousin was thrilled at the gesture.

After that I kinda inherited the position of crocheting things for any new babies in the family and I rather enjoyed it because I felt as if I was carrying on a legacy. Although, it did nothing to stop my mediate family from making jokes and calling me names.

Despite the constant attacks against my sexuality Jim, ironically, came out as gay and has since apologized for his past treatment of me so we’re on good terms but Tim is still a j**k to me.

When I went to college I went low-contact with Tim and my father and would just tolerate them at family events. Last week Tim announced that he and his girlfriend, Tina (24f) were engaged and expecting their first child over social media and everyone was thrilled.

During a zoom meeting with the family Tina said she would love a matching blanket, little hat and shoes for the baby from me, and I asked her to send me a copy of her registry for baby clothes. Tim laughed and said everyone knows that it’s tradition that I make the items. I told him flat out that he doesn’t get to make fun of my skills as a crocheter and then expect free labor from me.

My dad said that I was being rude and needed to apologize. I countered that if Tim was hurt by my refusal to crochet for him then he should just “toughen” up and get over it and then left the call. Since then I’ve been getting text messages from my parents and Tim saying that I’m being petty and a j**k to Tina and the baby, but I haven’t responded. AITA for refusing to crochet something for my brother’s baby after years of teasing?

Edit: Okay since I keep seeing this I’m just going to give some info. Yes I am aware that you crochet with HOOKS and not “needles.” When my great-grandmother was teaching me she referred to them as a “needle.” Granted she obviously made a mistake but when I was first learning it just stuck so that what I always refer to them personally and I will correct it.

Edit For More Info: For more information the last time my dad and Tim made fun of /harassed me crocheting something was last year at Christmas. It’s not like they stopped teasing me, calling me rude names, or questioning my manhood when I went to college.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

mochaluvr1 −  NTA. Note that your brother, Jim, and other relatives are not sending you messages. The ones who are the same people guilty of the behavior that brought about this conflict. I’ve been getting text messages from my parents and Tim saying that I’m being petty and a j**k to Tina and the baby, but I haven’t responded.

This isn’t about Tina or the baby, it’s about Tim being horrible to you about a skill of yours he now wants to reap the benefits of. It’s not as if you said you wouldn’t buy a baby gift either. Now, THAT would be petty.

Tina said she would love a matching blanket, little hat and shoes for the baby from me. You went LC with Tim, so I’m assuming you don’t have a very close relationship with Tina. So why is she ordering all of these items from you? Is it because Tim promised things he couldn’t deliver?

Has Tim missrepresented the relationship between the two of you? Sounds like it and Tim doesn’t like that. My dad said that I was being rude and needed to apologize. I countered that if Tim was hurt by my refusal to crochet for him then he should just “toughen” up and get over it. I KNOW your father hated having his words thrown back at him. *applause*

EDIT: Thanks for all of the awards!!

ClassicPartyGuy −  NTA. It’s ironic that people tease others to “toughen them up,” but they leave scars that fester inside unless they’re treated. He’s not entitled to your services just because he’s your brother, especially when he hasn’t atoned for his behavior. Tina would probably be disappointed though. Hopefully she didn’t offense too.

Rogues_Gambit −  NTA your dad sucks for not teaching his other kids to be kind, well done for saying that to your dad, the other two are obvious assholes but at least Jim has changed and apologized. Edit- Hi George

srslyeffedmind −  NTA he’s mocked you for years and now wants a gift of the very thing he’s mocked. Seriously that’s just rude

fruitynutcase −  NTA. I hope his gf knows what an ass he has been and understand your point in this.

starienite −  NTA. I crochet. It takes time, effort, skill, and money to crochet something that you feel is good enough to give to somebody else. So many people think that it’s so easy and so fast you and they don’t value the labor it takes to make it.

That alone is bad enough. You have members of your family that made fun of your skill and they do not get to benefit from it now unless they are sincere in their apology. They’re not going to be because they want stuff.

throwRA1a2b3c4d1 −  NTA. You flipped it on him. You don’t have to do anything but just know it’ll further the strain as people like this don’t learn. I hope I’m wrong !

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I might reach out to Tina and say it doesnt involve her though. She might be thinking it has something to do with her and she is taking a self esteem hit.

SNC__94 −  NTA. Isn’t it quite typical? You aren’t rude just because his arrogance came back to bite him. You told him exactly what to do for expressing an emotion toughen up.

[Reddit User] −  I crochet, but I learned to knit first, as a teenager. I was also in a residential (boarding) school. The other kids would tease me *mercilessly* for knitting, calling me “granny” and other unpleasant nicknames (I do have friends now how who do that but we all know it’s in the delivery!), yank out the needles, that sort of thing.

Then, out of the blue, knitting became a HUGE thing for a few years and I was suddenly being asked to teach these same girls or to fix their dropped stitches. Let’s just say I was often too busy or did the bare minimum for repairs, and I refused to teach the bullies.

There was, however, a young lad a few years younger than me in our twin house, a jock of sorts, very popular, who took an interest when he saw me doing it, so I actually taught him and a couple of his female friends in the common area.

They weren’t keen on sexes mixing in the houses, and I remember one of the teachers coming in, all suspicious about the attention this boy was getting from all the girls, saw him knitting with us, shrugged and merely reminded him to be back at his house before curfew. When she left he gave me a huge wink and I thought “you legend!”. I feel sorry for straight men who learn later in life that these skills are attractive to women. Such a missed opportunity!

Do you think the Redditor is justified in standing his ground, or should he let bygones be bygones and crochet the baby gift? How would you handle a family member who mocked your passions but later asked for your help? Share your thoughts in the comments!