AITA for refusing to cover for my coworker who got fired because I reported their behavior?

A Reddit user shared their experience of reporting a coworker for inappropriate behavior that made them uncomfortable. The coworker was subsequently fired after an HR investigation, sparking backlash from other colleagues and the coworker himself. The user now faces guilt and workplace tension but stands by their decision to speak up. Read the full story below to weigh in on whether they were justified.

‘ AITA for refusing to cover for my coworker who got fired because I reported their behavior?’

I (22F) started my job at a mid-sized tech company about a year ago. I’m one of the younger people in the office, and while most of my coworkers are nice, I sometimes feel like I’m not taken seriously because of my age and experience.

One coworker, Mike (32M), has always been very outspoken. He’s been with the company for nearly a decade and has a reputation for being blunt and “old-school.” At first, I thought we got along okay—he was helpful when I started, giving me tips on navigating the workplace, and he’d joke around with me a lot. But over time, his jokes started to feel… off.

For example, he’d say things like, “Don’t let the boys distract you from your work,” or call me “kiddo” during meetings. He’d make sarcastic comments about how I must be “the boss’s favorite” whenever I got assigned a big project. When I brought in cookies for the team one day, he joked that I should “stick to baking because that’s what you’d be great at.” At first, I laughed it off because I didn’t want to be the “uptight” new hire.

The moment that really upset me happened two weeks ago. During a team meeting, I suggested an alternative approach to a project, and Mike cut me off, saying, “Why don’t you let the grown-ups handle this one?” He said it in front of everyone, and while some people chuckled, I felt embarrassed and frustrated. I worked hard to prove myself in this role, and his comment made me feel like I didn’t belong.

I decided to report it to HR. I wasn’t trying to get him fired; I just wanted the behavior to stop. I explained everything to HR, including how his comments affected me. They assured me they’d handle it and said I wasn’t the first person to raise concerns about Mike.

A few days later, Mike was fired. I wasn’t expecting that—I thought HR would just talk to him or maybe issue a warning. When I saw him clearing out his desk, he looked devastated, and I felt awful. He has a wife and two young kids, and I started to wonder if I’d gone too far.

That’s when the fallout began. A few coworkers approached me privately, saying they “knew” I was the one who reported him. Some were supportive, but others implied I overreacted. One coworker said, “Mike’s jokes are harmless—he’s like that with everyone,” and another told me I should’ve just confronted him directly instead of going to HR.

Then Mike messaged me. He wasn’t angry, but he was clearly desperate. He said he didn’t realize I’d been so uncomfortable and that he wished I’d talked to him first. He begged me to tell HR I “misunderstood his intentions” so they might reconsider. He said he was just joking around to “lighten the mood” and never meant to hurt me.

I told him I couldn’t do that. His behavior might’ve been unintentional, but it still made me feel disrespected. I said HR’s decision wasn’t my responsibility—it was based on their investigation, not just my complaint. He didn’t take it well, calling me selfish and accusing me of ruining his career over “nothing.”

Now, some of Mike’s friends at work are cold toward me, and I’ve overheard whispers about how I should’ve handled it differently. I feel torn. On one hand, I know I had every right to speak up. On the other, I can’t help but feel guilty knowing how much this has impacted his family. Did I overreact? Should I have confronted him directly instead of involving HR? So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to cover for my coworker who got fired because I reported their behavior?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

RemoteBroccoli −  You didn’t get him fired, HR probably had more than enough to to fire him before, you are just the last person that said something and they had to act. He’s 32, he should’ve have known how to be a grown up.. NTA.

Trashbagmemoirs −  NTA, and report his friends for creating a hostile work environment.

_s1m0n_s3z −  32 isn’t too old to know better, and it isn’t young and clueless, either. He knew exactly what he was doing, and did it anyway. NTA.

SirLunchALot1993 −  NTA He cant act Like a school b**ly, be sexist, humiliating and disrespectful and expect everyone to be cool with it. HR is there to make complains like that and everyone knows about that. Im about his age and I will never have to be worried to get fired over something like that, because I am always nice, kind and respectfull with everyone no matter their age, religion, cloths or whatever and not getting into trouble Like that is REALLY easy.

The way the others treat you now is just Proof that there are structures, that were not okay. There shouldnt be groups of people thinking Low of each other, excluding others, spreading bad rumors about them and so on. Those are adult people and that isnt school anymore.

He was a d**k and got what he deserved. Its a pity that you were the last person complaining and that HR made it look Like you are responsible alone for it, but you were right to report that. Yes you could have adressed hin directly first, but that cant be expected from every new Person to do, especially not from a younger woman who hasnt as much might as a dude working their since ages yet. New people should be protected, not attacked like that.

He had it comming and the fact you arent the only one complaining about him shows, that you are right. The question is still, if you should stay there, talk to the coworkers excluding you, complain about them too, maybe Switch the Position within the company or whatever. I doubt it will get much better over time with those toxic structures there.

Good you stood up for yourself and didnt let him treat you like that. =) If more people had that courage, we wouldnt have so many toxic Workplaces.

Suitable-School-1445 −  NTA! i just want to ease your mind and say noone just gets fired lile that from one complaint, there has to be multiple conversatioms over a period of time. Or there have been multiple complaints about the same behaviour or conduct at work. I also want to advise you speak to HR and say they are leaking confidential information as now everyome in the office is aware you reported the one time.

These long term people or older people need to get over themselves. Should you have handled it differntly though??? Maybe, however i dont know your work structure. In my job you initially need to make the complaint with your one up and they address it. If it continues ulyou then have HR follow up on the initial complaint and so on and so forth.

Lile lets be real. You dont have to confront someone individually if you dont feel comforgable. Your not a manager thats not your role. Its easier to say then do and the people who are saying that are pricks. Its 2024. A workplace shouldnt be like that.

Wrong_Moose_9763 −  32 and old school, yeah right, more like just your average everyday blow hard. You didn’t get him fired, he did that all by himself with his sexist jack ass behavior. One of two things happened, either you weren’t the first to complain about him, or others in your meeting confirmed what happened with you. Either way, you aren’t at fault, I would go to HR though about his request. NTA.

Odd_Knowledge_2146 −  By the time you reach adulthood you SHOULD have a basic understanding of what is appropriate at work and what isn’t. You don’t make “jokes” about race or age or s** at work. It isn’t funny nor appropriate. Do that in that bar or at home. At work you get paid, to be professional and do your job.

Be friendly etc yes, but even with long time work colleagues that have become friends, I would be wary of making a ruder joke at work in front of other people, because your attitude affects everyone, not just the person you are talking to.. You are NTA.

donslipo −  Fake. Based on comment history they are a man not a “22F”.

Fearless-North-9057 −  Nta and I’d go back to HR and tell them you’re getting massive blowback and can they send out a Company email stating there were multiple complains off various staff about him and that’s why they chose to take the action they did.

JealousAd9513 −  mike made his own bed, make him lie in it.