AITA for refusing to coordinate my step son’s school and activities?

A stepmother (43F) has been managing all her 13-year-old stepson’s school activities, sports, and needs, on top of caring for her 6-year-old daughter and juggling a hectic schedule. Despite her efforts, her stepson has been rude and ungrateful, often criticizing her for minor oversights like missing a dress-down day, while neglecting his chores.

Frustrated, she’s considering passing all his responsibilities to his father, who is likely to forget key things like sign-ups and dress codes, as a way to teach her stepson to appreciate her efforts. She wonders if this approach would make her the antagonist. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to coordinate my step son’s school and activities ?’

I (43F) have traditionally done all things school and in between for both kids. 13M step son and 6F daughter. I organize all the various dress up days, concerts, sports, activities, clothing, back to school, grades, literally everything. Recently my stepson has been really ungrateful and downright rude to me.

I missed a dress down day and he asked me if “he could receive all the emails from now on because I didn’t get it right.” He regularly insinuates that I don’t have it together and he needs ro micromanage me.

In reality I sign him up on time and I remember all of his practices and communicate with coaches, and do all his little extras at school like movie day, back to school shopping, EVERYTHING. While doing this he “forgets” everything he’s asked to do or any regular chores like feeding the dogs and letting them out.

He rarely does what is asked of him and when he does it is with a lot of complaining. Everything said to him brings arguments. Whether they make sense or not he’s arguing. Typical teen stuff I know.

AITA for forwarding all school emails etc to his dad, who 1000% WILL forget to sign him up for basketball or regularly pay any attention to dress codes or secret Santa’s or wherever he has any socks or basketball shoes or a phone charger or school clothes or whatever while I focus on my 6 y/o?

I think he would learn to appreciate me pretty quickly. I’ll add that I only missed a dress down day because we were closing, moving, and I was finishing a post masters certificate, the end of a doctorate semester, and working full time!

See what others had to share with OP:

Tangerine_Bouquet −  NTA but send it to both the 13-year-old AND dad (who may need to sign permission, etc.). The boy has asked for more responsibility for himself, and said he doesn’t want you involved. Give him that–but do it directly. Let him take on the responsibility himself.

He can go ask his father.
You are right that this is typical 13-year-old stuff (especially the complaining). However, whether he’s your stepson or biological son or other child in your care, giving him more responsibility for himself is the appropriate response. Don’t make it about him not being your bio son;

make it about his age and attitude. Children don’t have to be overly grateful for parents taking care of them; that is the parents’ responsibility. However, these really are extras, and can be handed over freely and without guilt. Of course you still handle the 6-year-old’s things, including any extras. She’s not old enough to take that on.

Madam_Vaporeon −  NTA You are working hard for your family. It is human to forget things because no one is perfect. From the sound of it, you are being an amazing mother, and your stepson is just going through the teen phase.

I honestly never heard of dress down day, but it kind of sounds like a choice to do it. Honestly the son will appreciate you after seeing how much you do.

toosheeptheorist −  NTA – time for dad to step up and actually take care of some of the things related to childcare, especially seeing as how it is HIS child. (not that step-parents don’t take care of children etc) In this case, dad needs to step up for a bit and let your step son know how good he actually had it. I’ll bet the tune will change pretty quickly.

Gigi-lily −  He wants more responsibility give it to him. That is the bratty age where rhey have started thinking they know more than their parents/guardians, so put it on him and his dad and let them figure it out.

If he tries to make it into something bigger (you take care of sissy but ignore me now) make it clear that he asked for this, you still love him but you won’t be disrespected because he is in a mood. I remember being annoying as heck at this age and my mom basically let me figure it out.

I was annoyed that we are leftovers so much? I know how to use the oven and the stove so Monday and Wednesday became my cooking days. You have a problem, you find a solution.

Lmao we had a lot of spaghetti, lasagna and baked chicken until I swallowed my pride and asked for help but I definitely learned how hard it is to actually figure out and get dinner done every single day.. NTA.

catskilkid −  info – is there an understanding between you and husband and the ex about discipline/rules for the 13yo? Regardless, I’d say NTA. Husband needs to either take over OR read 13yo the riot act about respect and appreciation.

2cuteteddy −  Even if he was your biological child, this is an important lesson to learn. A month or two of handling his own activities he’ll see how much you really do. If you give him a fair opportunity to apologize and acknowledge your efforts then you can decide if you’d like to retake responsibility over the activities

ZombiePancreas −  NTA Fine sign kiddo up for the emails. Then if he misses something, that sucks for him. Tell him that if you need to sign something or something needs to be bought that he can tell you about it and you’ll handle it. At 13, he’s old enough to learn this lesson.

When he inevitably misses out on something for not paying proper attention, you can have a conversation letting him know that it’s okay, we’re all human, and we all forget things sometimes. Then you can ask whether or not he wants you to help remind him of things.

Here_IGuess −  NTA Your son needs to become aware (if he isn’t already) of who & how he’s supported. That doesn’t only apply to parenting. That applies to friends, coworkers, and teachers. That is a low risk way for him to learn the hard way. Btw your husband needs to learn to step up.

myselfasme −  Lol! That’s awesome! He’s pushing against you because he feels safe in your love. Kids don’t treat the s**tty parents like that. He’s going to be awful for the next 5 to 7 years, by the way. It’s perfectly normal.

Don’t let him change your behavior, but do stand up for yourself when he starts in, and make sure that your husband only says nice things about you and to you when he’s around.

I think it is okay to let him try and manage his own stuff for a bit, just be there to catch him when he misses things. But if you are doing it to be vindictive, you are only teaching him more bad behavior.

Is she justified in stepping back to let her stepson and his father take on these responsibilities, or does this risk escalating tension in their home? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!