AITA for refusing to cook a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner?

A Redditor shared their family dilemma around hosting Thanksgiving for the first time, especially due to their brother Mark’s longstanding veganism and his insistence on having a meat-free meal.

Mark and his partner, a vegan influencer, are pushing for a completely vegetarian menu, threatening to skip the holiday if the meal includes traditional dishes like turkey.

The user is torn between maintaining Thanksgiving traditions and honoring their mom’s wish for a peaceful holiday with everyone together. Read on for the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to cook a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner?’

I (31F) and my brother Mark (35M) do not get along. When he was a teen he saw a documentary on factory farming and decided to become a vegetarian. He got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him.

Then he went to college, made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan. It’s his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit about one of my birthday dinners being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages and SM with pictures of abused cows.

My parents have been trying to repair the situation and for a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better so I’ve been letting him back into contact gradually. Then he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan influencer.

She is apparently moderately popular online, but I have no idea what she does exactly. I don’t know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn’t come on “ethical grounds”.

My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal. This year, my parents have downsized for retirement and my mom is having health problems.

I bought their house when they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones.

I said to send me a main dish recipe they like and I would give it a shot, but I’m making the traditional meal otherwise and there should still be plenty of things they can eat.

Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come. This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I’m not coddling him.

I’m having turkey on Thanksgiving. My dad privately agrees with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting my mom so much that he’s worried it will impact her health.

There’s a not big, but also not zero chance that these might be some of the last family holidays we have with her. My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family and I’m not so sure anymore.. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

CrimsonKnight_004 −  NTA – You’re not putting turkey over family—Mark is putting tofurkey over family. You’ve reasonably accommodated enough with a vegan option. Mark doesn’t get to hold holidays hostage because of his own dietary choices. That’s ridiculous.

If Mark wants to pitch a fit, that’s him. I feel very sorry for your mom, she’s the one suffering most here. But she needs to realize that Mark is the one causing this family divide, and it isn’t fair to everyone else to cater to his demands.

JadieBugXD −  My aunt was vegan, she brought her own meals to family gatherings. Why can’t they do the same?. NTA

Tdluxon −  NTA – You’ve even offered to cook them a vegan main dish, which is pretty above and beyond (I think most people would just tell them to bring their own food).

Seems like they are taking the position that not only are they vegan, but they are essentially forcing it on everyone else by refusing to come, which is ridiculous.

If your mom is getting upset, its because of Mark’s actions, not yours… it’s not fair for everyone else to have to comply with his demands. If he actually cares about your mom, he would put her feelings first.

hopingtothrive −  Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come

Not coming is their choice. When we had vegans for holidays we prepared options. Still had the main meat dish but also included a vegan dish. Or they can bring their own. Gathering together is more important than the food.

Militant vegans are the worst. If they don’t want to look at a turkey on the table is everyone supposed to leave their leather shoes and belts at home? No whipped cream for pumpkin pie served? No milk offered. It gets extreme and ridiculous when they made demands of other people.

HellerrrItsMe −  Honestly a strange hill for him to die on but…  My sis prob saw the same documentary at 15 and has been veg for decades. That being said She brings a lot of her own dishes to thanksgiving and eats what fits her meal plan but understands that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Your body your choice.

Thanksgiving is literally about getting together and being grateful for that time. Mark needs to relax and let people live. There will be plenty for him to eat and they can easily make a few dishes to contribute. I would let him skip if that’s what he needs to do but ultimately it’s sad and petty.

JeepersCreepers74 −  What a mess. NTA on the grounds that Mark was an AH for spamming you about the steakhouse. But as for Thanksgiving.

I’m going to be crazy and say your parents are the ones who need to make a change here–they need to change their concept of “having everyone together for Thanksgiving” because that’s really not fair to any of their kids.

If Mark and his GF are militantly vegan–if this is a true moral belief of theirs–then it’s unfair to expect them to eat (even vegan food) and exchange pleasantries over the carcass of a dead bird.

Similarly, you’re not a vegan and should not be required to give up a traditional Thanksgiving feast, *especially* when you’re hosting. Your parents need to figure out ways to have all their kids together that don’t involve food.

My suggestion is that they go to Mark and GF’s for a vegan T-day brunch, they come to your house for T-day dinner, and the whole family meets together in the middle for a non-food event, perhaps a “No Kill Turkey Trot”?

bamf1701 −  NTA. You made a reasonable compromise by offering to make sure that there would be dishes that they could eat. It is fine for them to be vegan, it is not fine for them to force it onto everyone around them.

They don’t seem to realize that, instead of converting people to their side, they are antagonizing them instead. You aren’t the one putting food over family – your brother did that long ago by making the ultimatum.

And your mother is asking you to give in because she thinks you are easier to deal with than your brother. mMention to her that you offered to compromise and they rejected it out of hand.

That makes them the unreasonable ones. I doubt it will actually change anyone’s minds, but it will hopefully put a worm of doubt in your mother’s mind.

Bean6868 −  Literally why EVERYONE hates modern militant vegans 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  I wouldn’t be cooking a vegan Thanksgiving to the orders of Mark’s girlfriend. If she wants a vegan. Thanksgiving dinner, she is more than welcome to cook it herself.

If I could swing it with my work schedule, I would be willing to alternate Thanksgivings so that one year I would cook a turkey dinner for my parents on Thursday, and the next year on Friday.

Mark and his girlfriend could then host their vegan thanksgiving at their place on the matching years. Hence you would end up with a pattern of: Year 1: Mark and GF host vegan T-day on Thursday at their place. You host Turkey T-day on Friday at your place.

Year 2: You host Turkey T-day on Thursday at your place. Mark and GF host vegan T-day on Friday at their place. The purpose of this would be so my mom could see both of her kids since Mark is being a j**k. If Mark refuses to accept this solution then he’s just being a j**k IMO.

Exact-Area-2243 −  You’re not in the wrong, if they want it so badly they can make it and bring it for themselves!

Was the Redditor fair in setting limits around Thanksgiving dinner, or should they have adjusted the menu to accommodate their brother and his partner? How would you balance traditional meals with dietary requests during a holiday? Share your thoughts below!