AITA for refusing to contribute money to my mom’s family Christmas gift after finding out it’s going to my brother?

A Redditor shares a heated family conflict after refusing to contribute $500 to a “family Christmas gift” that turns out to be a down payment for her older brother’s car. While her family accuses her of being selfish and ruining the holiday, she feels blindsided and unfairly pressured. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to contribute money to my mom’s family Christmas gift after finding out it’s going to my brother?’

I (25F) have two siblings, my older brother Alex (28M) and my younger sister Lily (19F). My mom recently came up with this idea for a “family christmas gift” that we would all chip in for. She told us it was something that would benefit everyone and wouldn’t reveal what it was, just that she needed us to send her $500 each by the end of the month.

Now $500 is a lot of money for me. I just started a new job and am still trying to save up after struggling financially for a while. I told my mom I needed more details before I committed, but she kept brushing me off and saying it was a surprise.

A few days ago, I found out the truth. Lily let it slip that the family gift is actually a down payment on a new car for Alex. Apparently, his car broke down recently, and he needs a replacement. My mom thought it would be a good idea for all of us to pitch in and get him something nice for Christmas.

I was furious. Alex is 28, has a stable job, and makes way more money than I do. On top of that, my mom never asked any of us if we were okay with this. She just assumed we’d all go along with it. When I confronted her, she said it was only fair since Alex does a lot for the family and deserves it.

I told her I wasn’t contributing and that it was ridiculous to call this a “family gift” when it’s only for Alex. She got upset and said I was being selfish and ungrateful. Alex chimed in, saying I could afford it if I “really cared” and that I was just jealous of him.

Even Lily sided with them, saying it’s not a big deal and I’m ruining Christmas by making this an issue. Now my whole family is mad at me. They’re saying I’m cheap and that I’m being petty over something that’s supposed to be a nice gesture. I feel bad for causing tension, but I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

enchantedmeadowqueen −  NTA. Your mom springing a $500 “family gift” on you without being upfront is really shady, especially since it’s just for Alex’s car. It’s not your job to fund your grown brother’s problems, especially when he’s better off financially than you.

You have every right to say no since it’s your money, and $500 is no joke. Them guilt-tripping you and calling you selfish is unfair. You’re not ruining Christmas, they are making this whole thing so one-sided. So just stand your ground.

Mother_Search3350 −  Your mom is a monumental AH. How TF does she lie to her kids and demand a whole $500 to buy her ONE employed adult child a car? Lily needs to wind her 19 year old neck in or pony up the extra 500 bucks..  Definitely not the AH 

LTK622 −  Next time don’t show that you know. Just act sad, give $20, and say you’re handing over your last gas money because your car broke down.

Chance_Culture_441 −  So what $1500 gift are they all giving you and Lily for Christmas? That is not a “family gift” that is an Alex gift. NTA

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. A family Christmas gift would be something that benefits the whole family not just your brother. If she wanted the family to chip in and give your brother a down payment on a car then she should’ve been upfront, instead she decided to be shady. I wouldn’t give anybody money if they’re trying to be shady.

You already said $500 is a lot of money for you and your brother is more stable and makes more money than you do so it is unreasonable to expect you to give him $500. If that’s what the rest of the family wants to do – wonderful he can do whatever he needs to do $500 short of what he was expecting.

forluvoflemons −  Definitely NTA. Your mom gave you the run around about the reason for the monetary contribution, but your sister Lily knew. Is that correct?

Nervous-Tea-7074 −  NTA – there’s no way a 19yr old has $500, Alex won’t be giving $500, your mom isn’t giving $500. So basically the down payment is $500, which they expected OP to just pay as a gift, you know for tax return purposes. I would tell Alex you don’t care, your mom that self-care comes first, and tell Lily your mom will expect her to pay OP share now and not to ruin Christmas over it.

dr-pebbles −  NTA, your family is, and your mom is the AH In Chief. Not only did she put the burden on you and Lily and, presumably herself, to fund the down-payment for your employed adult brother’s car, but she lied to YOU and only you about how the money was going to be spent.

Since Lily told you what the family gift was and Alex was going to be the recipient, obviously they both knew what was going on. Your mom singled you out to be manipulated, and now the whole family is g**lighting you. WTF?!

agohawks −  This has to be fake

marcelyns −  NTA. This is the stupidest “gift” I’ve ever heard of. Your family blows.

Do you think the user was justified in refusing to contribute, or should she have gone along for the sake of family harmony? How would you handle a surprise expense that feels unfair? Share your thoughts below!