AITA for refusing to change our agreement around rent and bills?

When living together, financial agreements are meant to be fair and mutually agreed upon. In this story, a 37-year-old woman details the tension arising from her girlfriend’s desire to shift their 50/50 rent-and-bills arrangement. Both partners earn similar incomes and have been sharing expenses equally.

However, now that her girlfriend—who has battled work anxiety and is finally pursuing her dream job—has mentioned the possibility of moving to part-time work to reduce her stress, the couple’s financial dynamics are being questioned.

Her girlfriend proposed that the expense-sharing arrangement be adjusted to accommodate a potential drop in income, but she firmly refused, insisting that the bills remain split 50/50 regardless of any change in work hours. This has led to an argument about fairness, support, and personal responsibility. Is she in the wrong for sticking to the original agreement, or should she be more flexible for the sake of her partner’s well-being?

‘ AITA for refusing to change our agreement around rent and bills?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, explains, “Financial agreements in a relationship should be based on current realities and mutual consent. When one partner faces a potential decrease in income due to a change in work hours, it’s natural for both individuals to revisit how expenses are divided. However, if an agreement was reached based on equal income and circumstances, a unilateral change can feel unfair.”

She continues, “It’s important for couples to openly discuss how changes in work and income might affect their shared responsibilities. A flexible approach that respects both financial needs and personal well-being is key to maintaining balance.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “In any partnership, mutual support and clear communication about finances are essential. If one partner’s decision to move to part time affects the household budget, it is reasonable to re-negotiate the split. However, if the decision is made independently and then imposed without open discussion, it can lead to feelings of being undervalued or burdened. Both partners need to come to a compromise that protects their financial stability while acknowledging personal aspirations.”

Both experts agree that while the desire to maintain an equal split is understandable, the situation calls for a thorough discussion about how reduced income might affect the couple’s financial obligations in a way that respects both partners’ needs.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Several redditors expressed support for the narrator’s stance. One user commented, “If you both agreed on a 50/50 split when you had similar incomes, it’s reasonable to expect that agreement to hold until both of you decide otherwise. Your girlfriend needs to take responsibility for her financial choices.”

Another commenter shared, “I get that she wants to reduce her work stress, but if that means earning less, then she should be prepared to contribute less to the household. It’s about balance and accountability.”