AITA for refusing to call me friend by her new name, “Queen”?

A Reddit user (25F) is facing a dilemma with a friend who recently changed her name to “Queen” as part of a personal reinvention. While the friend wants to be called “Queen,” the user feels uncomfortable using it, seeing it more as a title than a name. She has suggested calling her “Q,” but the friend refuses. The user has been avoiding using any name, and now her friend is upset. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to call me friend by her new name, “Queen”?’

A friend (25F) socially changed her name from the name her mom gave her, to a name she chose for herself. She is cisgender, btw. Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself. And her new name, Queen, reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her. Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her new name, and people she’s met in the past few years call her by the name she’s introduced herself as.

I’d be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself. But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen. Within the friend group I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn’t sit well with her, and that being deadnamed, bothers her. Sometimes she’ll politely correct, but not within larger groups. Sometimes her friends self-correct and call her Queen.

Since, “Queen” and “King” are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment, I am very hesitant to call this person “Queen”. I simply don’t feel that way about her. It just doesn’t feel like a name to me. It feels more like a title. I don’t feel right calling my peer Queen. If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn’t experience any unease with calling her such.

I avoid using any name to refer to her. If I do use a name, I try to say Queen but if I’m not in a good mood or if I’m annoyed with her, I don’t bring myself to say it. I asked if I can call her “Q” and she said no, my name is ‘Queen’.
Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name. Perhaps I would feel differently if she weren’t also a little self-centered.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

rtthrowawayyyyyyy −  I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but, NTA. Changing one’s own name to “Queen” (or King, or anything else that obviously signals one’s belief in their own superiority over other people) and then demanding that people address you by that name is an inherently a**hole move. It’s so, so gross, and absolutely reeks of n**cissism. If any of my friends ever did this, I would honestly be so turned off by it that I would most likely stop being friends with them. Blech.

My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside–f**k monarchs, seriously–if you want people to call you “Queen,” work to earn that and let other people give you the title as a sign of respect.

Gigi-lily −  You know what’s funny, I know people named princess/queenie/harmony/angel etc. (Shout out to the black and filipino communities lmaooo) and i have no issue calling them by their names but thr thought of someone changing their name to Queen would bug me a bit.

Which I know is a me problem, and would be something I would work through because who am I to say that their name is not their name. I think this is something you need to either figure out or realise will end the friendship as she has every roght to feel disrespected, but despite knowing better I also have that gut reaction of “hmm, don’t wanna do that”.

Straight_Coconut_317 −  What if the friend had chosen the new name God would everyone be expected to call her God?

lostalldoubt86 −  NAH- I can see where you are coming from, but I can’t rightly call this person an AH for wanting a name they feel a connection to as a statement. I also think it’s an odd choice and would have difficulty with it.

KBD_in_PDX −  YTA – stop pretending to be friends with her and you won’t have to use her new name. It doesn’t sound like you like her much, anyways… and perhaps her new name gives you a ‘reason’ to stop being around her.
If you do engage with her, you should use her name, whether you like it or not.

Ferdster02 −  Wow, everyone is a special little snowflake again. Uhm, wtf, offcourse you are not in the wrong in not using a “socially changed” name thats meant to over-inflate someones ego.. NTA.

slackerchic −  I’m going to break it down to you the same way I broke it down to my 6 year old: As long as it is not bothering you or threatening you, we should just let people live the way they want. I don’t want someone telling me what to wear, what to call myself, how to act, etc, so likewise I try to give everyone else the same treatment that I want to receive.

YTA. Queen is regal, Roses are flowers, and Masons used to be a profession. Almost everyone has a name that means something. Harkening your own theory, should they all call themselves something different? And if they did, would you also have a problem with that?

Secretly_S41ty −  ESH. She sounds awful, but she can change her name to whatever she wants and her genuine friends, people who like and respect her, will accept that. The real problem is that you don’t like her. You think she’s narcissistic and arrogant. Her name choice is just a public symbol of these personality issues. Stop hanging out with her. Then you don’t have to call her anything. You should call her whatever her name is, whether she was born with it or not, but reconsider whether you even like this person.

Leiyahmoonlight −  Meh… why do you even hang out with people like that? I agree that’s a completely weird choice. Maybe it’s time for your paths to separate.

AgitatedDot9313 −  Have her call you “your majesty” going forward. If she does, then reciprocate.