AITA For refusing to buy a black coat for a funeral when my dark grey one is the one I always wear for these occasions ?

A Redditor shared their story about refusing to buy a black coat for their grandad’s funeral, opting instead to wear their usual dark grey coat. Their dad insisted that everyone would be wearing black and pressured them to buy a new coat, calling them selfish when they explained they couldn’t afford it so close to Christmas. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA For refusing to buy a black coat for a funeral when my dark grey one is the one I always wear for these occasions ?’

My grandad passed away a few weeks ago and this funeral is coming up within the next week. I had planned on wearing my standard funeral outfit black pant, white shirt etc. However I had a phone call with my dad and he was asking what I was planning on wearing so I told him and he said are you planning on wearing that grey coat.

I said yeah I plan to his reaction was well everyone is wearing black so you are going to look stupid with that on you need to go out and buy a black one. I told him no I won’t be going out spending on a coat so close to Xmas and also I am still a week away from being paid so I am not exactly flush with cash right now.

In the end I said ok I will just be without a coat for the day again he said he did not like that and I should just go buy one I can get a decent one for £40-£50 again told him I can’t afford that. He then called me selfish and put the phone down on me I have not heard from him since..

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Grandmapatty64 −  First of all, look your coat over with a critical eye. See if there’s ratty edges if it’s starting to show wear or anything. Something you may not have noticed overtime. Barring that then you are not doing anything wrong wearing a gray coat to a funeral.

As someone else said, call your dad and ask him if he wants to pay for a new black coat for you. If he says no, he can’t then you say well if you can’t, you should understand why I can’t. I’m not coming for a fashion show. I’m coming to pay my respects to my grandfather.

Edited to add: if you do feel the need to get a new coat if you do find that yours isn’t as good as shape as you thought. Try thrift stores. I don’t know if you have Goodwill stores where you’re at, but they are a decent possibility. It’s not absolutely necessary but if you’re gonna feel uncomfortable, that’s a possible out. You could pick something up there pretty cheap usually.

HowlPen −  NTA Was it his dad who passed? Grief may be doing a number on him, so give him some grace. But no, you don’t have to wear black. 

Competitive_Cod_3843 −  If dad wants you in a new coat, dad can buy it. He’s the only person who actually cares about the coat. Grey is fine for the rest of humanity. It’s not really the time for a team uniform.. NTA

nomorepumpkins −  sounds like your dad is in his feels right now and is hyper focusing on little things because its easier to handle than the big thing.

Jyqm −  NTA, obviously, and I’m sorry for your loss. Was this your dad’s dad? He may be groping through his grief, and bugging you about your coat gives him a feeling of control in a situation where he is otherwise powerless and reeling. No need to indulge him, but try to be as kind as you can in your pushback.

Nervous_Resident6190 −  Presumably, this is his dad that died, his nerves are probably really raw right now and he’s probably more than a little sensitive. Funerals are similar to weddings. People want things to be perfect for the burial or memorial service of their loved one. It’s a really hard time and no you aren’t the AH, but you are not being very compassionate at the moment.

Ash_Dayne −  Dark grey is totally fine. Sorry for your loss and I’ll stick with NAH because your dad is looking for something to put his grief into, and while it is unfortunate that it’s you, I’d ask you to wear your grey coat but also let the criticism go.

Bank_of_Karma −  NTA. That may just be misdirected anger from the grief process. Wear the grey coat. There is no logical reason why he should be that upset over something that trivial at a time like this…other than the the fact that he is in the 2nd stage of grief (Anger). If you DID buy a black coat, that would NOT help him move out of the anger phase of grief. He will move when he has properly processed it. And lack of a black coat is NOT the magic key.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. I couldn’t tell you a single thing anyone had on at my dad’s funeral. In fact, I’m not sure what I wore. A grey coat is fine.

nice_guy_hello −  Just a little thought- Now that he apologized and you had a heart to heart- borrow a black jacket from a friend. Wear it for ur dad. He’s obviously stressed and grieving. Give him a little wink and a hug when you get to the funeral. But you’re definitely NTA.

Do you think the Redditor should prioritize a new black coat to align with traditional expectations, or is their dark grey coat perfectly acceptable for the occasion? Share your perspective below!