AITA for refusing to babysit while family goes on vacation?

A 28-year-old woman learns a week before her family cruise that they assumed she would babysit her relatives’ young children while they go on vacation. Feeling left out and unappreciated, she declines to babysit and instead takes a vacation with her boyfriend and adult son.

Upon her return, her family is angry that she didn’t help them with childcare, and her cousin accuses her of being selfish. The woman insists she was not consulted and that her family shouldn’t have assumed she would watch the kids. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to babysit while family goes on vacation?’

My aunt is retiring. She’s made plans to go to in a cruise, 3 day stay in Hawaii, and then back. All her adult children are going. They invited our side if the family, nobody told me. I’m not in fb which is the only place they communicate. They have my number, no one asked me though.

My entire family made plans for weeks to go. They made accommodations and bought tickets everything. No one mentioned it to me in all that time.
Finally it’s a week away and I bring up to my family at our parents house about how I hope she has fun and should I get her a gift etc and my sister says “yeah grab her something we’ll give it to her on the cruise”.

This is the first I’m hearing about them going. They said they assumed I was staying to watch the babies for them. My cousin’s 3 year old, my sister’s 2 year old, and twin infants. I feel like they didn’t tell me specifically so I’d be the only person not going and they could try to force all the kids on me.

Well, I told them no thanks. I told them I still had time to make accommodations and come too and I would like to go. I honestly didn’t want to go after feeling left out like that, but I figured maybe if it was really an accidental issue of being left out they wouldn’t mind.

I took the time off and then my cousin, who was coordinating the entire thing, texted me saying she was so sorry but there’s no space left she only secured enough for everyone that RSVP’d and the cruise is sold out but I’m welcome to fly out and hang with everyone in Hawaii if I can find my own accomodations, but since everyone planned on me taking the kids I’d need to find childcare first.

I told her nobody every called me to even discuss me taking the kids. She didn’t reply. Nobody was! So since I already had the time off, my bf and adult son and I decided to take our own vacation. We all packed up the day before my family left and took off for a week long vacation states away.

I purposely didn’t tell anybody. I started getting calls the next morning as everyone was coming to my house expecting to drop off their kids. I didn’t answer. I refused their calls and ignored their messages the whole trip. We had a fantastic time and made great memories.

When I got back my family was furious. They said multiple people had to drop out of the trip and couldn’t get their money back because they couldn’t find last minute childcare. I told them that’s too bad that sucks so much, they should have arranged something before they left.

I reminded them, no one ever set anything up with me, and since I already had the time off I decided to enjoy that with my family. I’m sorry it didn’t work out but I never offered to watch anyone’s kids. You all assumed I would because you didn’t invite me to keep me free to watch them.

You didn’t coordinate, I had other plans, that’s how it works. My cousin thinks I’m being a complete AH. That this isn’t how family treats each other. It was an accident that no one told me but it’s not her fault. She assumed I had been told and assumed I’d be ok with having the kids because I have before (with discussion and coordination that is!).

She thinks I was being really s**fish and childish and purposely going out of my way to an AH. She’s even saying I’m lucky they didn’t call the police on me for child a**ndonment because they expected me to be home and able to care for them all. I told her that’s ridiculous.

You can’t just assume and expect things without my permission and input and you can’t report me to the police for not wanting to care for your babies. Was I being an AH for all this? Should I have just kept things peaceful and spent time with the kids since I got the time off anyways I could have done some fun things with them, but I really didn’t want to.

My house is NOT kid proof and I honestly don’t really enjoy spending time with kids (yes I had my own, but I’m not really a kid person and he’s an adult now those days are behind me, I’m not very interested in reliving them with other people’s kids).

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Ixi7311 −  NTA 100% the gall to not even invite you then just assume you’d be taking the kids? I’m assuming they didn’t even bother offering you hefty compensation for it. If anything, you would have been in the right if you stayed home and they dropped off their kids and you called the police for a**ndonment.

ravenlyran −  NTA- they f**** and found out. They 100% planned this. They purposely excluded you, I’m happy you didn’t let them push you around. Plus, what about monetary accommodations? Did they expect you to pay for these kids the time that they are gone? And I would DARE her to call the police on you. There’s absolutely no profe that you agreed to babysit the kids.

raerae6672 −  Hell No !!! Where was “Family ” being considered when they deliberately left you out of planning. Where was Family when you said you were going and the they said there was no more places on the cruise. They fucked around and found out that you weren’t the lackey they thought you were.

They owe you a huge apology. They made an ass out of themselves by assuming that you would just be OK with their plan.. I would send them a message
“I don’t know who planned this but at no point was I asked or consulted about babysitting while everyone was in Hawaii.

Any person in their right mind should have had the decency to ask me if I wanted to go on this trip or at least had the decency to ask. Instead all of you just assumed I would be your lackey and just go along with the plans you made without consulting me. I owe an apology to none of you.

As you didn’t see the need to consider me, I didn’t see the need to consider you when I decided to go on my own vacation. I owe no explanations for my actions. And now Cousin has threatened me with calling the Police on me for Child A**ndonment and that I owe the family an apology for a plan you all concocted.

For Cousin to say that is not how you treat family is correct. The way you treated me concerning this trip is not how you treat family. Your actions were insulting and inexcusable. Thank you for showing me who you really are and how you view me when it comes to being “Family”.

Don’t call me, as you guys clearly only see me as a babysitter and not really part of the “Family “. I will contact you if and when I feel like it.” Drop the rope. Family obviously doesn’t mean the same to you. They are oblivious self-righteous idiots.

Go hang out with the family you have created with your BF and Adult son. PS some how I think either your sister or cousin was the mastermind behind this and told everyone that you wouldn’t want to go. I really hate to think your entire family was that ignorant. Either way, take a break from them.

To be that inconsiderate without consulting you is inexcusable either way. For you, do you and keep your distance from them. You did nothing wrong. They are massive assholes.

mandysreality −  NTA Should cross post to r/pettyrevenge or prorevenge. Savor those memories because your other family are douches.

Disastrous-Panda5530 −  NTA. They expected you to care for 4 kids aged 3 and under with two of them being infants no way. And they didn’t ask or coordinate and I believe you are right they didn’t tell you so they could stick you with the kids.

I think it is awesome you left before they did. That is on them and they only have themselves to blame

Party_Butterfly_6110 −  Keeping the peace is highly overrated.

devjoolz −  NTA – Your extended family are terrible people. If they were mine I’d ignore them for life.

goldenlocdmama −  NTA! It’s baffling me how they are saying YOU need to find childcare and threatening you with child a**ndonment!!! They’re not even your kids!! You did the right thing, and you thought smart leaving before them. They most definitely would have tried to drop the kids and go…

They could have also just booked the children space too.. they thought they could sucker you into watching them. Smh

MNConcerto −  NTA, wow the entitlement to threatened you with child a**ndonment after trying to drop children off at your house without prior consent or arrangements.

Is she justified in refusing to babysit after feeling excluded, or should she have put aside her feelings for family? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!