AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids after she said I’m “not a real parent”?
Being a single parent is no easy task, and one Redditor (33M) knows this all too well. After tragically losing his wife, he’s been raising his 6-year-old daughter on his own, ensuring she grows up happy and healthy. Despite his busy schedule, he often steps up to help his sister, Claire, and her three children by babysitting whenever she asks.
But when a recent request for last-minute childcare clashed with his special plans for a daddy-daughter weekend, the situation took an unexpected turn. Claire’s dismissive comments about his role as a parent led to a family feud, and now he’s left wondering if he was wrong to stand his ground. Read on to find out more about this compelling story.
‘ AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids after she said I’m “not a real parent”?’
Navigating family dynamics and personal boundaries can often be tricky, especially when strong emotions are involved. Dr. Carol Lieberman, a psychiatrist and family relationship expert, says, “Setting boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy relationships, even with family. When these lines are crossed, it often leads to resentment and emotional strain.”
In this case, the OP (Original Poster) is grappling with a sister who appears to undervalue his role as a parent. Claire’s comment that he isn’t a “real” parent because he only has one child is dismissive and belittling. It undermines the immense effort it takes to raise a child alone, particularly after the loss of a partner.
But the issue isn’t just about words—it’s also about the lack of respect for the OP’s time and autonomy. While helping family is important, it’s equally vital to ensure that one’s own responsibilities and well-being aren’t sacrificed in the process. Claire’s frequent last-minute requests suggest a pattern of over-reliance, leaving OP to juggle his life around her needs.
This situation also sheds light on the broader societal expectations placed on single parents. Research by Pew highlights that single parents often face disproportionate pressure to “prove” their parenting abilities, a bias that can lead to emotional burnout.
Dr. Lieberman emphasizes that OP’s decision to refuse babysitting after being disrespected is not selfish—it’s self-preservation. “It’s crucial to stand up for yourself when others take your kindness for granted. If you continue to allow people to cross your boundaries, it sends a message that your needs and feelings don’t matter.”
The solution here lies in open communication. OP could have a heart-to-heart conversation with his sister to express how her comments hurt him and clarify his limits when it comes to babysitting. Apologies and understanding from Claire might mend the relationship while establishing healthier dynamics.
Check out how the community responded:
Reddit users didn’t hold back their thoughts on the matter, and the majority were firmly on OP’s side. Here are some highlights: “She literally said you aren’t qualified as a real parent and don’t know how to take care of multiple children, while trying to leave multiple children in your care. She’s an ingrate.”
“If she doesn’t think you understand how to deal with multiple kids, then obviously you shouldn’t take responsibility for them.” “You’re a single parent raising a child alone after losing your wife. You’re more of a parent than most people ever will be.”
Some comments also pointed out the irony in Claire’s reliance on OP for childcare while simultaneously belittling his parenting: “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Tell her to hire a babysitter if your one-child life isn’t ‘real’ enough for her.” “Your mom says Claire has a lot on her plate? What about you, a single dad doing everything on your own?” Clearly, the community feels that OP is justified in standing up for himself.
Family can be complicated, and balancing support with self-respect is a challenge we all face. In this case, OP chose to prioritize his daughter and stand up to his sister’s unfair treatment. Was he right to do so, or should he have let the comment slide to maintain peace?
What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes? Have you ever faced similar situations where you had to draw boundaries with family? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
I actually understand both sides. No I’ve never been a parent but starting around age 8 I’d watch my 3 cousins(3 by age 11) without pay usually and usually without notice. However if we had plans, we’d just include them in them. As a young child my developmentally disabled cousin was with us a lot even coming on vacations with us. But they definitely wouldn’t say mean and hurtful comments like that. I would do the same thing and say if she ever wanted babysitting from me again there had better be an apology and there better be incentives involved(money or food or gift cards or something). Because that behavior is unacceptable and mom should also apologize because she’s enabling. She chose to have 3 kids. She’s choosing to go to a retreat. She needs to find a payed babysitter.
Technically your sister only has 1.5 children to mange, her hubby has the other 1.5, LOL you are not the jerk, and how many times has she rearranged her schedule to watch your daughter? Grandma needs to put her money where her mouth is
Let grandma babysit, if she is taking side’s. To bad for your daughter who I know enjoys playing with her cousins. Your sister has gotten to attached to your kindness.
Does she ever look after your daughter if you need? Is it a two way thing?
He already has plans with his daughter. End of story. He should change his plans for her last minute request.
NTA unless he continues babysitting for an ingrate. The sister sounds like an entitled narcissist and the mom an enabler. It takes some real pompous entitlement to expect others to change their plans to accommodate yours! He has been presented a gift! The perfect reason to refuse to ever babysit again.
I wouldn’t be changing my plans or adjusting my schedule to babysit for anyone except in a dire emergency. If your mother thinks your sister needs help, let her offer.
NTA – Your mom and sister need to get their act together. You are more a a parent than they are from the sounds of it. Talk to your brother-in-law and ask why they need so much of your time and also why they never ask in advance. It could be interesting to hear what she is telling him.
He is definitely justified!! Unless someone is a paid babysitter they have no obligation to watch anybody’s children.
NTA Do not adjust your plans again, she found it convenient to drop her 3 kids on you but i don’t see anything about you asking her to watch your daughter. Your mom needs to stay out of it as apparently she doesn’t watch her grand kids either. Stand your ground. Sounds like you’re doing a better job. More power to you.
That sister is spoiled. Brother need to stop babysitting her and hubbys 3 children. ASAP! She need to find other babysitters, her mother or other PAID sitters. She is SO SELFISH! And she has a husband! OMG.
Definitely nta