AITA for refusing to babysit my half-siblings and telling my dad I’m not his “backup mom”?
Family loyalty can be complicated—especially when past betrayals still sting. A 19-year-old woman finds herself caught in a storm of guilt-tripping and demands from her father, who expects her to care for his children from a marriage that started as an affair.
But is it really her responsibility? This story raises deeper questions about boundaries, emotional healing, and the long-term impact of broken trust.
‘AITA for refusing to babysit my half-siblings and telling my dad I’m not his “backup mom”?
Expert Analysis:
Why Infidelity Leaves Lasting Scars
When a parent’s affair shatters a family, the emotional wounds don’t heal overnight. Studies show that children of divorced parents, especially those where infidelity played a role, often struggle with trust and resentment toward the unfaithful parent. Dr. Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat, states:
“Children who witness a parent’s betrayal often experience deep-seated feelings of insecurity and struggle to rebuild trust with that parent.”
This could explain why OP doesn’t feel emotionally invested in her half-siblings or their mother’s struggles—she still views them as the result of a betrayal that upended her life.
Are Adult Children Obligated to Help?
Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains that while biological ties exist, emotional closeness must be earned. Adult children of divorce are not obligated to take on parental duties for half-siblings, particularly when those siblings are part of a situation that caused them pain. He notes: “Healthy family relationships are built on mutual respect, not forced responsibility.”
OP’s father’s repeated guilt-tripping—especially invoking “family takes care of family”—overlooks the reality that he is the one who fractured their original family unit.
Solutions & Takeaways
If OP wants to navigate this without completely severing ties, she can:
- Set Clear Boundaries: Firmly tell her father she will not be a babysitter and ask him to stop asking.
- Ignore the Guilt-Tripping: If other family members get involved, she can remind them that they’re free to help instead.
- Consider Limited Contact: If the harassment continues, distancing herself may be necessary for her well-being.
What Reddit Had to Say
Reddit overwhelmingly agrees: OP is not the bad guy here. Many highlight the hypocrisy of a father who destroyed a family now demanding unconditional support. Others suggest that OP’s father and stepmother should seek professional childcare instead of emotionally manipulating her.
This story isn’t just about babysitting—it’s about setting boundaries with a parent who expects forgiveness and obligation without earning back trust. While family can be important, it shouldn’t come at the cost of personal well-being.
What do you think? Should OP feel any obligation, or is she right to stand her ground? Let us know your thoughts!