AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s “no kids” family gatherings because I’m the only one with children?
A parent feels hurt and excluded after their sister implements a “no kids” rule for family gatherings, clearly aimed at them since they’re the only one with children. Concerned about the emotional impact on their kids, especially the 6-year-old who adores his extended family, the parent refuses to attend unless their children are welcome.
Despite family pressure to comply, they feel forced to choose between family connections and parenting responsibilities. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s “no kids” family gatherings because I’m the only one with children?’
I’m the only one in my family with kids—two young ones, ages 4 and 6. My siblings don’t have children, and my parents are retired. Recently, my sister moved into a new house and decided she’s hosting family gatherings with a new rule: no kids allowed.
She claims her house isn’t “kid-proof” and wants more “relaxed” events. She framed it like she’s doing everyone a favor, but let’s be honest—it’s just my kids, so this rule is clearly aimed at me. It’s hurtful because these are family dinners and holiday get-togethers we’ve always celebrated together as a family.
Now suddenly, my kids aren’t welcome? What bothers me most is how this will affect my children. My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he’s being excluded, it would break his heart. I’m worried he’ll never get over it. How do I explain to him that he’s not wanted at these family events?
It could create a rift between him and the rest of the family. He’s sensitive, and I don’t want him growing up thinking he’s not important. When she told me about her “no kids” rule, I said I wouldn’t attend if my kids weren’t invited.
She accused me of overreacting, but if this becomes the norm, what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas? Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time? The rest of my family is siding with her, telling me to just “go along with it” and leave the kids at home for a few hours.
My parents, who don’t have grandkids from my siblings yet, think it’s no big deal. They’re even pressuring me to cut my sister some slack since she had a tough time buying her house. But where’s the consideration for me and my kids?
To top it off, my other sibling, who’s childfree, said, “Maybe this is good for you—you could probably use a break.” Great advice from someone who’s never had to juggle parenting while trying to stay connected to family.
AITA for refusing to attend her gatherings and calling her out? I feel like I’m being forced to choose between being part of my family or being a parent.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
emadelosa − Actually I’m going with NAH here, but listen to my reasoning. When _no one_ of your extended family is even mildly against this, then there is a message here: whatever you’re usually doing with your kids at family gatherings isn’t working for the others.
Yes kids are kids, kids can be a little much, they’re just happy to see everyone, parenting is hard etc whatever we‘ve heard it all. Nobody likes their parenting criticized but that doesn’t mean every criticism is unfounded.
If you can be honest on yourself on that, you might be able to have an open conversation with your relatives about it and reach a different solution which doesn’t exclude the kids in principle. You’re N T A for not leaving your kids alone on major holidays, but if it’s like I feel it is, the others are N T A either.
BrotherEuhhhh − NTA based on your pov. But…as someone who doesn’t have kids, I’ll tell you that saying “my house isn’t child proof” is code for “I don’t feel like you control your children.” Maybe talk to mom and see if there’s an issue you’re not noticing with your kids’ behavior away from home.
sour_lemons − Info: is your sister the only person hosting family events? What about the rest of your family including you, do the rest of you host and if so are those events child free?
I don’t see an issue if your sister hosts an occasional child free dinner or event at her house and for your kids to be watched by another relative or babysitter. They’re not going to feel left out because mom and dad occasionally go out by themselves.
And it WOULD be good for you to have some adult only time. I do think family holidays like thanksgiving and Christmas should include the kids so either your sister is able to make exceptions for those holidays or they can be hosted at someone else’s house who doesn’t have a child free rule
ZzyzxDFW − INFO: Alright, we need to dig a little deeper here. The fact that your entire family is backing your sister’s no-kids rule has me wondering—are your kids a handful? Are we talking Bart Simpson-level pranks, Eric Cartman-level sass, or something else entirely?
Do you have a close friend who can be blunt with you about this? Someone who can give you the real, unfiltered truth? Because if your kids are the rowdy ones or, heaven forbid, the smelly ones, that could explain why your sister felt the need to implement a “no kids” policy, and why everyone else is okay with it.
Look, it’s one thing for kids to be a little hyper or restless at a family gathering, but if your sister went so far as to make a house rule, there might be more to this story. It’s possible she didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying it outright, so she went with a blanket ban.
Before jumping to conclusions, maybe have an honest chat to see if there’s something your family hasn’t told you. That way, you’re not left in the dark, and your kids aren’t being excluded for reasons that could be addressed.
Entire_Preference_69 − YTA because you’re jumping to conclusions. Nowhere did your sister say she would try to exclude your kids from holidays. My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he’s being excluded, it would break his heart. I’m worried he’ll never get over it.
If this is any indication of how you interact with your sister, I completely understand why she wants a break from the kids ALWAYS being around. I promise you your child will not be traumatized by your sister occasionally hosting adults-only events. Everyone’s world does not revolve around your kids.
It is perfectly understandable for your sister to occasionally want to host adults-only events, especially in her own home. what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas? Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time? You’re jumping so far to conclusions.
There is a huge difference between your sister hosting an adults-only dinner in her own home vs her excluding your kids from the family Chrsitmas. Nowhere did you say your sister indicated she would try to do that, so you’re a huge AH for trying to use whataboutisms to get your way and pressuring your sister into changing her house rules.
Malice_A4thot − INFO: We need to know exactly what she said and how she phrased it. Did she say holidays, such as *Christmas*, will be kid-free if held at her house? And of course you wouldn’t tell your *6 year old* anything of the sort.
You’d need to cover it up with a little lie while he is this young and make arrangements for him to see your parents at other times. The fact that your parents – the grandparents! – are on board with ‘no kids’ makes me think there are missing reasons here.
Maleficent-Ice3200 − Yta only because this isn’t a holiday. Your kids are the center of your world, but they aren’t the center of everyone else’s world. Your sister is e**itled to host a kid free gathering. If she and your family endorse excluding your kids for holiday gatherings, they are assholes.
But not for having a gathering on a random night that excludes your kids. Edit to add. The only way your child would know he is excluded is if you tell him. So you would tell him and create hurt feelings towards your family? He is important but so is your family and their feelings.
Raising your kid to believe everything is about him and his feelings won’t do him any favors. Weaponizing your children in order to manipulate your family into doing what you want makes you a huge a**hole.
IrrelevantManatee − YTA. The world does not revolve around you and not all event are made for children. This is not forever : it’s just for this once. If you want family-friendly event, then plan them yourself. Also, why the hell would you say to your kid he is not wanted in family events ?!?
Just don’t go and don’t even tell him. Or simply tell him this was an adult-only event. You don’t need to make a fuss about it. It’s your job to protect him, not try to traumatize him so you can parade his trauma in front of everyone to try to make them feel guilty.
Edit: Also… the fact that NO ONE wants to see your kids and that they are all happy about this “adult-only” event might tell you something… they don’t want to have small children running around and making noise and mess. Do you tend to supervise your kids during family event or do they become everyone else’s problem ?
Additional_Day949 − YTA: the fact the whole family is siding with your sister even the grandparents, to me screams that your children are poorly behaved. I understand why you won’t attend if you can bring your children but I think you need to figure out why the kids can’t come. I’d have a honest convo with my mom about this. I
Is it fair for the parent to stand their ground, or should they compromise for the sake of family? What are your thoughts? Share below!