AITA for refusing to attend my boss’s weekend “team-building retreats”?
A woman (28F) works for a company where her boss, Laura (40sF), organizes monthly weekend “team-building retreats” at her vacation home. These retreats are mandatory, unpaid, and involve long work meetings and forced socializing.
The woman, who already works 50+ hours per week, has declined to attend the last retreat, citing the need for personal time and the added stress of arranging care for her dog.
Her boss criticized her refusal, saying it showed a “lack of team spirit,” and since then, has been cold toward her. Some coworkers support the decision, while others think she’s being selfish. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to attend my boss’s weekend “team-building retreats”?’
I (28F) work for a mid-sized company, and my boss, “Laura” (40sF), is obsessed with “team-building activities.” Once a month, she organizes mandatory weekend retreats at her vacation home, about two hours away from the office.
These retreats are unpaid, and while they’re framed as “fun bonding time,” they’re basically just long work meetings mixed with awkward icebreakers and forced socializing.
For context, I’m already working 50+ hours a week, and weekends are my only time to rest and take care of personal stuff. I also have a dog that I’d need to arrange care for every time, which adds to the hassle.
I’ve gone to two retreats before, and they were exhausting. Laura expects everyone to wake up early, participate in every activity, and stay up late drinking and “networking.” It’s just not my idea of fun, and I’d rather not spend my personal time that way.
Last month, I decided I wasn’t going to go anymore. When Laura announced the next retreat, I politely declined and said I had personal plans that weekend. She looked annoyed but didn’t say much.
However, after the retreat, she called me into her office and said my refusal to attend showed a “lack of team spirit” and that it could hurt my chances for promotions or raises in the future.
I explained that I need my weekends for personal time, but she brushed it off, saying, “We all make sacrifices for the team.” Since then, she’s been cold toward me,
and I’ve heard from coworkers that she’s been making passive-aggressive comments about how “some people aren’t committed to the team.” A couple of coworkers have told me they support my decision,
but others think I’m being selfish and not thinking about how it looks to the rest of the group. I don’t think it’s fair for her to expect us to give up our personal time for free, but now I’m wondering if I’m being difficult or ungrateful. AITA for refusing to attend the retreats?
See what others had to share with OP:
HarveySnake − These retreats are unpaid .They can’t be mandatory if they are unpaid. You need to take your evidence to HR if they are dumb enough to blow you off go see a employment lawyer and get ready for a fat, fat, fat payout.
HR should be on your side because this “mandatory unpaid after hours meeting” is almost certainly illegal in the extreme and HR will be on your side to minimize the blow back. Your boss is doing something that violates employment laws in probably every country on the glove.
You’re only an ahole to yourself if you take no action against your boss. I’m talking more than just not going. It’s time for HR to intervene and possibly a lawsuit for wage theft against your boss.. NTA
Comprehensive_Act970 − Mandatory is paid or it’s not mandatory it’s voluntary. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen
theory240 − NTA Assuming you are in the US and you are not an Exempt employee, time to discuss this with your state Labor Board. If you are an Exempt employee, time to polish up the CV…. \–
Ok_Childhood_9774 − Once a month?? Once a year would be pushing it, unless it was fully paid. Twelve times a year is insane, and also sounds highly illegal. Send your question over to Alison Green on AskAManager and see her take on this– banana pants! NTA
DontWasteMyTime2121 − Tell her straight unless she is paying your Overtime to attend, you don’t need to go.
OnlyOnTuesdays289 − Laura sounds like a l**er who has no life. She probably “lives” for the company.
friendly-sam − You should check with a labor attorney. Unpaid team building may not be legal.
Organized_Khaos − These events are at Laura’s personal vacation home? Sounds like she’s trying to escape taxes/write off the purchase as a business expense, along with all the violations of time and wages. She’s a liability to the company, honestly.
RevolutionaryCow7961 − Look for another job. Is she the owner? If not complain.
OnlyOnTuesdays289 − Put this issue in writing to HR. Document, document, document. Put it in writing to HR every single time she asks you. Every single time she coerces you. What she is doing is m**ipulative and illegal.
It’s understandable that the woman values her personal time after working long hours during the week. While team-building activities can be important, asking employees to sacrifice their weekends without compensation seems unreasonable,
especially when it’s affecting her work-life balance. Is she wrong for prioritizing her personal time, or is her boss’s expectation too much? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!