AITA for refusing to attend Christmas dinner at my husband’s childhood home after years of being treated as an outsider?

A Reddit user (33F) is grappling with whether to attend Christmas dinner at her husband’s (33M) childhood home after years of being treated as an outsider by his family. Her father-in-law’s remarriage five years ago drastically changed the dynamic in their once-welcoming family home. Over the years, she’s experienced unequal treatment—from thoughtless or absent gifts to being yelled at for trivial matters—while watching other in-laws receive preferential treatment.

‘ AITA for refusing to attend Christmas dinner at my husband’s childhood home after years of being treated as an outsider?’

My husband’s(m33) mother passed away, and his father remarried five years ago. Since his fathers new wife moved into my husband’s childhood home (a 5-bedroom Vila ), things have completely changed. What was once a warm family home now feels unwelcoming.

The unequal treatment has been consistent over the years. My father-in-law once yelled at me for holding a wine bottle “incorrectly,” and I’ve watched year after year as my brothers-in-law received thoughtful Christmas gifts while I got nothing. Last year, while I was pregnant, I received nothing, but my father-in-law rushed to give my brother-in-law his gift the moment he walked in.

When our son was born, they came to the hospital empty-handed – no gifts, no food, nothing for the baby or me. In contrast, when my sister-in-law gave birth, everyone (including us) brought generous gifts. We gave her a full care basket with massage vouchers and clothing for both her and the baby.

This year, for our son’s first Christmas dinner at the family home, we were told we could only stay for one night, while my husband’s sisters and their families are staying for the entire holiday period. They claimed there “isn’t enough space” despite having 6 bedrooms. This means we would need to make a 90-minute drive back home with our baby after dinner. They even called to tell us we need to bring our own bed sheets for our one-night stay.

I told my husband I don’t want to go at all. I’m concerned about not only the practical issues of traveling with a baby late at night after a big dinner when we have an early flight the next day, but also about my son growing up seeing this unequal treatment within the family. My husband is asking me not to “make things worse,” but I feel like we’re already being treated as second-class family members and I’m done with tolerating this. AITA for refusing to attend Christmas this year?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

AlternativeLie9486 −  NTA. Your husband is TA for tolerating this treatment of you and your baby and for suggesting that you should continue to be exposed to it.

Trailsya −  NTA. Their message is loud and clear: You’re not welcome. You shouldn’t have to subject yourself to that.

SaidwhatIsaid240 −  What the hell? Do they even love their son (your husband)?

Artistic-Giraffe-866 −  So sad. Your husband is still trying to get acknowledgement from his father :((( That he doesn’t want to “make it worse” mean that he has accepted his role in the family – is he the s**pegoat ? Definitely do all you can to not go at all – everyone will be happier

Senior-Tradition4171 −  NTA – stay home with your baby and enjoy your peace. No need to be travelling to a place you aren’t appreciated or wanted.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA. Your husband is asking to not make it worse? How could it be worse. Honestly no-contact would be better than this disrespect and unequal treatment. Doesn’t it hurt him everytime you and him get the short end of the stick? Does he want his own son to feel that same hurt in a couple of years?

If they don’t change it’s better to rip off the bandaid now so your son will be loved by everyone around him. This may be a harsh reality for your husband, I get that. But he has to realize that this is hurting him, you and your son. He has to call out his family on their behavior and stop doing everything exactly like they want to. Call them out, hopefully it will be a reality check for them, if not, cut them off. There should be no room for h**red in your son’s life.

Ipso-Pacto-Facto −  Define worse. Eating in the garage?

Swiss_Miss_77 −  NTA. Is the new wife antisemitic? It’s the only thing that makes sense. Tell him if he wants to “keep the peace” he can go himself. You are staying home with your son.

No_Jaguar67 −  Hour husband doesn’t like you either, it seems. Are a different race? I wouldn’t let my kid be around this mess. NTA.

lizabeth8xeubn −  NTA. You deserve to be treated with respect, and it’s okay to protect yourself and your baby from that kind of negativity. If they can’t make you feel welcome, it’s their loss, not yours.