Aita for refusing to attend an apology dinner after my mother in law called me a bad mother at my son’s funeral?

After enduring the unimaginable loss of her son to congenital heart disease and facing harsh words at his funeral, one grieving mother now refuses to attend an apology dinner hosted by her mother-in-law. At her son’s funeral, the mother-in-law publicly called her a “bad mother,” a moment that has left a permanent scar.

Now, as family members push for reconciliation ahead of the arrival of her new baby, she stands firm in her decision, insisting that she cannot sit at the same table with the person who inflicted such painful hurt.

‘Aita for refusing to attend an apology dinner after my mother in law called me a bad mother at my son’s funeral?’

Dr. Maria Santos, a family therapist specializing in grief and family conflict, explains that being publicly labeled a “bad mother” during a child’s funeral inflicts deep emotional trauma that can disrupt the entire grieving process. “When such a harsh judgment is delivered at one of the most vulnerable moments in a parent’s life, the impact can be long-lasting,” she notes.

In this case, the mother’s refusal to attend an apology dinner is a clear act of self-preservation. After enduring years of intrusive criticism—culminating in her mother-in-law’s public outburst at the funeral—the decision to maintain her boundaries is both understandable and necessary. Dr. Santos emphasizes that while some may view an apology as a step toward healing, genuine reconciliation must occur on the affected individual’s terms.

Given the lingering pain from the past incident and the added stress of her current pregnancy, forcing a family gathering where the source of her hurt is present could exacerbate her emotional distress. She advises that before any reconciliation efforts, the family consider professional counseling to address the unresolved grief and betrayal. Healing, she says, must be paced according to one’s own emotional readiness rather than external pressures to “move on.”

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community is divided over this update. Many empathize with her, arguing that no apology can undo the pain of being publicly shamed during one of the most heart-wrenching moments of her life. They commend her for prioritizing her emotional health and for not forcing herself into a situation where she might feel further compromised. Others suggest that perhaps a mediated conversation or a private apology could help begin the healing process, even if an apology dinner in front of the entire family seems too much.