AITA for refusing to apologize to my neighbor after I ignored her while out for a walk?

A Redditor (20M) describes how his daily walks with earbuds in led to a confrontation with his elderly neighbor, Rita, who insists on stopping for full conversations whenever she sees him. After ignoring her on his recent walk, she called his mom to complain.

Now his mom wants him to apologize to “keep the peace” in their small neighborhood, though he feels Rita is overstepping. He’s questioning if he’s wrong for standing his ground. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to apologize to my neighbor after I ignored her while out for a walk?’

I (20 M) like to go on walks around my neighborhood almost every day. I like to put in earbuds and listen to music while walking too. I’m an introvert so I don’t like stopping to talk to my neighbors if they’re also out for a walk, I’ll either wave or say a quick “hello” and continue on my walk.

Now I have this neighbor, let’s call her “Rita”, up the street who is a bit of a problem. She’s an older woman (possibly mid to late 70’s) and she has a bit of main character syndrome. Rita is one of those old fashioned people that feels like their entitled to a full conversation with people while they’re out walking, meaning a quick “hello” is unacceptable to her.

I did not feel like stopping to talk to her, especially since I had other things to do after my walk and did not want to be out there longer than necessary. I just walked right by Rita’s house with my earbuds in and pretended I didn’t notice her sitting on her front porch. I got past her house and I heard the sound of someone yelling.

I took one of my earbuds out while continuing to walk and I heard Rita yelling “you hear me young man? I’m telling your mother about this!” I thought she was just being dramatic and continued on my walk.

When I got home, my mom was in the kitchen and stopped me. She told me that Rita called her and complained about me. She told me she isn’t mad at me because she knows Rita is entitled and mean as well.

However, she thought I should go over to Rita’s house and apologize to her anyways because our neighborhood is pretty small and everybody knows everybody and she doesn’t want Rita to badmouth us to anyone and make us look bad. I wasn’t surprised because there’s nothing my mother cares about more than her image.

I told my mom I wasn’t going to apologize because Rita needs to learn that she is not entitled to anyone’s time. Plus, most of our neighbors don’t like Rita anyways so there’s nothing she could say to ruin our family’s reputation. My mom still thinks I should apologize to “keep the peace.”. So AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…You need to set a boundary with your neighbour that you won’t be stopping to chat. Your mother should have shut her down when she called. No apologies are necessary. Also, you’re an adult and don’t have to worry about your parents being mad at you about something a neighbour said.

only_grans −  NTA. I have a Rita on my street. I walk my toddler to sleep on the stroller and she talks and talks and talks no matter how many times I say please I must go now. She is incensed if I leave the conversation and my toddler wakes up and screams and then if there’s no nap, spends the night crying and vomiting.

All because Rita gets offended when I walk away. I now RUN when I see her. She talks so badly to everyone about how rude I am (I don’t gossip so no one hears my side) but I don’t care, my child’s health is top priority and I don’t care who doesn’t like me.

PumpkinPowerful3292 −  NTA – You don’t have to suffer bores and that is what Rita is. Apologize? Please, Rita should be apologizing to you for her rudeness in demanding your attention. You should tell Rita, if ever you want to pause at her place, that she is the type of person only a mother could love, so go talk to your mother if you want to chat with someone. Harsh? Yes, but sometimes you have to be with some people.

Gadgetskopf −  yeah, I’m too petty… I’d be figuring out additional ways to wind Rita up. you know, while still ignoring her presence, just stand on the street in front of her house and when she finally comes out to ‘get her apology’ turn and walk away.

Keep some appropriately scandalous conversational topics handy and start a game to see how quickly you can get HER to shut down the conversation. (“hey! a coworker has a raging case of chlamydia. you’ve obviously been around the block a few times. How did you deal with it?”) bonus points if you get the neighbors involved in calling out her rudeness for refusing to talk to you. oh. NTA. Unless you apologize.

HUNGWHITEBOI25 −  Wait hang on a second, am i missing something? Your mother admits that she knows this woman is a complete nightmare who nobody seems to like…but you should apologize to her for not wanting to interact with her…? Op you’re NTA but, and i don’t mean this in a disrespectful way…your mother DOES understand you’re a grown adult and don’t need to talk with anyone you don’t want to right?. Naw you did nothing wrong man

Cursd818 −  NTA. Keeping the peace is exactly how people like this have power. They expect you to capitulate to their demands in order to ‘keep the peace’, when in fact, they’re the ones disturbing the peace in the first place. Tell your mother no, you won’t, and that’s that.

TemptingPenguin369 −  NTA. Rita is not entitled to your time or attention. Your mother is more concerned that this might make your family “look bad” than she is with your right to not be pulled into an unwanted conversation.

similar_name4489 −  NTA you’re 20, complaining to your mother doesn’t have any power and you should demonstrate that by continuing to ignore the old bat. Full stop. 

Auntie-Mam69 −  NTA, I do a neighborhood loop walk and when I see one of my favorite people, who makes the same loop but in the opposite direction, we just wave at each other—sometimes do a little happy greeting dance—but we each keep going because to stop is to stop the aerobic aspect of the walk.

Your heart rate goes back down, you lose that zen feeling from being in the zone. Also we both listen to podcasts on our headphones and understand the other person is in their head space, leave them alone! I do have neighbors who would talk your hind leg off if you let them, always want to get your attention when you are trying to leave or just parked your car.

They can’t read body language and don’t get that part of being a good neighbor is to not impose yourself—that just because they spotted you doesn’t mean you want to engage with them. Sorry to go on for so long, but I’ve known my share of Ritas.

CapoExplains −  That’s not “keeping the peace” that’s letting her know the way she’s acting is fine and she should keep doing it. NTA.

Do you think the user should apologize to his neighbor to maintain harmony, or is he right to set boundaries around his personal time? How would you handle a neighbor who felt entitled to your attention? Share your thoughts below!