AITA for refusing to apologize so I can live with my dad again?

A Reddit user (16M) shares a deeply personal story about living with his grandparents after a conflict with his dad and stepfamily. He explains a long history of being bullied by his stepsister, Sarah, and the feelings of betrayal when his dad married Sarah’s mom.

When Sarah became gravely ill, the user admitted he didn’t care about her condition, which led to a fallout with his dad and stepmother. Now, his dad is asking for an apology so he can return home, but the user refuses, holding firm to his emotions and past experiences. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to apologize so I can live with my dad again?’

I’ve (16m) been living with my grandparents for the last 4 months. The reason has a lot of background but I’ll make it short. I was bullied a lot by this girl, Sarah (16), in school. She bullied a lot of us. From kindergarten on. When I was 9 my dad and Sarah’s mom started dating. I felt so betrayed and hurt.

Sarah didn’t stop b**lying. Dad and his (now) wife tried to explain why Sarah was as awful as she was and said she had lots of trauma. But it didn’t change anything for me. Sarah has told me she hopes I end up like my mom, who was left with bad brain damage and needs 24/7 care in a facility.

She mocked me for being trans and tried to “expose me” in school before. She encouraged another kid to hurt themself. Another she threatened to kill. So dad making her his stepkid was really hurtful to me and expecting us to be a family felt like a huge betrayal.

Around two years ago I went from being terrified of her to hating her. And I really hate her by now. So when my dad and his wife told me four months ago that she was sick, and could die, I couldn’t even pretend it upset me. Dad’s wife said I should be more concerned and I told her I don’t care if Sarah dies.

She’s made my life hell and I’d be happier with her out of my life. She started freaking out that I want Sarah dead. I told her Sarah isn’t a good person and nobody at school will be sad about it. She insisted I needed to leave. Dad was upset and told me he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t approve of me saying that.

I told him I don’t care what he thinks. I said he betrayed me when he brought Sarah into his family. I told him I could never forgive him for it. My dad’s wife is okay with me going back to live with them if I apologize.

For the last month my dad has asked me to just apologize so I can live with him again and I said no. I told him I’m not sorry and none of them deserve an apology. He said he’s not choosing them over me and I said not now he’s not, but only because he did it when he chose to date Sarah’s mom.

Dad’s wife is angry I won’t apologize. Dad’s upset I won’t because he wants me back. And Sarah is getting worse and hasn’t found a match for transplant yet.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

throwAW-neutral123 −  Your dad should’ve defended you from the start. He’s the instigator to this entire problem. Don’t apologize
Edit: thanks for all the upvotes !! Never had this many before! Thank you all!

DaniCapsFan −  Why would you want to live with your dad? He’s married to your b**ly’s mom. He’s supposed to protect you, an instead he brings in someone who is a danger to you. As for Sarah’s trauma, whatever she went through doesn’t excuse her being a b**ly and threatening to kill classmates.

To paraphrase an old comedic jape, you aren’t actively wishing her dead, but you will read her obituary with pleasure. If she really is deathly ill. Your dad owes you an apology for bringing her into the family.. NTA

Gnd_flpd −  NTA. ” Sarah has told me she hopes I end up like my mom, who was left with bad brain damage and needs 24/7 care in a facility.” So now she’s in need of a transplant because she could die without one, wow, talk about karma.

Alternative_Talk3324 −  NTA you and others suffered at the hands of her b**lying. Your Dad betrayed you by bringing Sarah into your home; the one place where you should feel safe. His Wife making excuses for her behaviour gave Sarah justification for her actions as “trauma” was blamed.

Plenty go through trauma and don’t act as vile as she did. You saying no one would miss her is probably the wake up call your Dad and his Wife needed. It highlighted just how evil Sarah is and how everyone hates her at school.

Cirdon_MSP −  NTA. Choices have consequences. Sarah’s mom made choices not to correct the her behavior. Your Dad made the choice to date Sarah’s mom. Sarah chose to be a b**ly.. Choices have consequences. The consequence in this case is that you’re not forgiving any of them.. That’s your choice to make.

Icy-Performer571 −  NTA. Tell them “I am sorry that you are such a horrible parent that you allowed one child to be abused and raised another to be the abuser. I am sorry that you failed to protect me, and instead protected the person who hurt me. I am sorry that for the rest of your life, you will know that you failed as parents.

I am sorry that I am safer with my grandparents than I ever was with you. I am sorry that I can not trust that you will ever protect me if someone hurts me again.” Make sure you have your grandparents there. Hopefully they are protecting you.

Becalmandkind −  I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Betrayal by a parent is one of the worst things that can happen to you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to apologize, and for not wanting to live in that household.

Sarah should have never been allowed to b**ly the way she did, without consequences. Hopefully you can continue living with your grandparents, and that living there, you will be able to live positively and joyfully without Sarah in your life.

Ruthless_Bunny −  NTA. Your Dad wants to play happy families but isn’t willing to support you and prioritize you. So he can eat s**t
And when he’s older and realizes how he messed up…too late. I hope you’re safe and happy at your grandparents place. And why would you want to go back there? To be with his wife and her demon spawn?

Usual_Bumblebee_8274 −  Nta. Ironically, had they dealt with her, it might have made a difference but they didn’t try to parent her or stop the b**lying (just made excuses). But now they want to parent you?!? Nope.

Dry_Ask5493 −  NTA. Your dad has continually put his happiness before yours and your safety. F**k him, your stepmom and Sarah.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in refusing to apologize given the pain he’s endured, or should he extend an apology for the sake of family harmony? How would you handle a situation where past trauma and family dynamics clash so heavily? Share your opinions below!