AITA for refusing to apologise to my dad’s wife for what I said when she was rude to me?’

A Redditor, a 24-year-old woman, is staying at her dad’s summer house with his wife, Monica. Tensions arise when Monica makes thinly veiled comments about the Redditor’s unemployment, culminating in a heated exchange where the Redditor questions Monica’s own work ethic.

Following the confrontation, Monica is upset and reports the incident to the Redditor’s dad, who initially supports her but later suggests that the Redditor should apologize to restore peace.

The Redditor feels that Monica provoked the situation and sees no reason to apologize. Read the story below to see how family dynamics play out in this challenging situation.

‘ AITA for refusing to apologise to my dad’s wife for what I said when she was rude to me?’

I (24f) am currently staying with my dad at his summer house. My dad’s wife Monica is also here. To be clear, neither Monica nor I have jobs. Monica has always had an issue with my unemployment. According to my dad she thinks it shouldn’t be the case and that my dad should pressure me to get a job, which he has declined to do.

She has made the odd thinly veiled comment about it which I’ve ignored. Being all that as it is, two days ago I was out by the pool and Monica came over to sit with me, which was pretty odd. She asked what I planned on doing for the rest of the summer and I said I was having several friends come and visit after she goes home.

She asked how we all had so much free time and turned the conversation back to “work”. I was calmly dodging her barbed comments, and told her if my dad doesn’t care about my having a job, she shouldn’t either. Monica then said even if he wasn’t pushing, he would be “proud of me earning my own money” which frankly, set me off.

I turned to her and said, “do you think my dad would be proud of me ‘earning’ money the way you do?”. She got very flustered and went inside. Apparently she went to my dad in tears and told him what I said. My dad was initially on my side and said she should mind her own business, but she’s still upset and not really speaking to anyone.

My dad says I should now apologise because she’s learnt her lesson and won’t try it again but it’s time to make peace because she feels uncomfortable. I think she effed around and found out, and that she’s dragging this out. If I don’t need an apology for her inappropriate behaviour, I don’t see why she needs one for my reaction.

Am I being an AH by not apologising?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ClothesQueasy2828 −  NTA. Apologize for what? Commenting on her employment status after she commented on yours?

Repeat4Reps −  She should have dropped it after you dad declined to intervene. He is your parent, she is not, it’s not her place. That being said however, you’re 24. I assume you’re still living with a parent. It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to start working already and fly the nest. You can be a SAHM later.. \*edit for judgement – NTA.

eternallnewbie −  INFO: is there any reason you don’t have a job besides not wanting one?

[Reddit User] −  How is it that the one who’s supporting op have no problem with it but the one who’s also benefited and unemployed just like op wants to put in their 2 cents. If it works for them, it works. it’s nobody’s business. NTA

KatharinaSuzanna −  INFO: is she unemployed to be a housewife, for medical reasons or something else? What I basically mean to ask is, is her unemployment intentionally and/or permanent? And what about for you?

Because let’s be honest, most people will expect the 24yo unemployed kid to look for a job and/or education (unless there’s a reason not to). But if she is a housewife or disabled or something than nobody is expecting her to get a job.

Viewfromthe31stfloor −  NTA – it’s like people here have never met anyone with a trust fund. You don’t need a job and she should mind her own business.

mythoughtsrrandom −  I know it’s not socially acceptable to relate yourself in other peoples stories but sometimes it’s the only way I know how to express myself. When I was your age (said in an old timey voice) My dad got remarried. She was horrid to me. Looking back I can see she was jealous in a weird way.

I was daddy’s girl and I don’t think she liked it. Different loves lady! Anyway. We didn’t get along. She would be mean and I’d be snarky back. My dad asked me to apologize. WTF. He came right out and acknowledge it was 80% her fault and 20% the way I reacted but it was putting him in a bad position and he wanted us both to apologize.

We didn’t have to get along but could we please just be civil. I was livid. I saw red. But i loved my dad more than I disliked her. So i did it. I hated seeing my dad uncomfortable and distressed. She is the best thing that happened to him really. It’s been 20 years and we still just act civilly. No fairy tale we are the best of friends here.

But my dad is so happy and that makes ME happy. Who gives a flying F\* if she approves of you? Let that roll off. When someone, anyone makes a comment about anything in your life, or any situation arises, ask yourself if it will matter in 5 years. If it won’t, don’t let it bother you. Because life will throw you some serious s**t. Don’t let this stuff wear you down.

No-Dig-1350 −  It is hilarious to read all the comments to OP about “be an adult” “do something with your life” “get a job” etc. etc. I want to ask the adults who have a job

1)Do you think you are doing something with your life? Or are you stuck in a dead end race to provide for your lifestyle- whatever it is?
2) If you have a sudden windfall and have the option to not work but the inheritance would last you a few generations, would you do projects or would you continue to work a job? And then tell me how is the OPs choice wrong!

barefootwondergirl −  NTA. Monica is worried you’re spending all “her” money, the money she feels e**itled to by marrying your dad. Sounds like dad was on your side until she plied him with tears and hurt feelings.

Maybe just remind your dad you could be using your trust fund if he prefers, but otherwise, *you* prefer that financial discussions between the two of you remain between the two of you. And offer to apologize on the stipulation that she never interjects her opinion about your job status or finances again.

If he’s willing to have that conversation with her, tell her to stay out of it, then a small apology for “any misunderstanding” seems a nominal price to pay for peace.

No-Warning4684 −  NTA. It’s not her business what your dad does you’re his child, she’s not paying for you and is also unemployed.

Family relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like employment. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!