AITA for refusing therapy with my whole family and ignoring my parents begging to try?
Family dynamics can be complicated enough on their own, but when feelings of neglect and resentment have built up over years, even a well-intentioned suggestion like therapy can feel like a betrayal. In this story, a 16-year-old boy—feeling like the perpetual “glass child”—shares his painful experience of being sidelined by his parents in favor of his chronically ill sister. For years, he watched as every celebration and special moment was reserved for her, leaving him feeling abandoned and unimportant. When his parents tried to remedy the situation through family therapy, it only reignited old wounds.
Instead of healing old hurts, the therapy sessions underscored how deeply his parents’ focus on his sister had marginalized him. Faced with another attempt to force the family into a session together, he reached his breaking point. With a heavy heart, he decided to refuse the therapy, choosing to distance himself rather than keep enduring the emotional neglect he’s experienced all his life.
‘AITA for refusing therapy with my whole family and ignoring my parents begging to try?’
I’m (16m) a glass child. My sister (15f) was born with chronic health problems and a physical disability. Her life hasn’t been easy and she’s pretty often in pain and limited in what she can and can’t do. It meant our parents were always making special time for her and doing what they could to let her enjoy being a kid. It also meant my parents weren’t really my parents.
They would take her places and leave me behind at home or with someone else in the family. I never got that same time with them. They even missed two of my birthdays completely because they had focused so much on bringing my sister to concerts she wanted to go to that they forgot my birthday and didn’t even get me something small like a $5 gift card which they did a few times when their money was more focused on my sister.
I spent most of my time with my paternal grandparents when I was younger. But grandma died 3 years ago and grandpa lives in a nursing home in another city so I don’t have them anymore and that made it more difficult. Covid was also super lonely because I felt lonely and like my parents and sister were a family and I was the intruding roommate.
My sister actually had a temper tantrum in April of 2020 and broke some of my gaming stuff and not only was it never acknowledged at all but it wasn’t replaced either. They only focused on the fact my sister was so upset that she did it. A few months ago I decided I needed to talk to my parents to see if it could get better. They decided we needed therapy together.
In therapy it was recommended we spend more time together like they do with my sister. So we did that once a week. They still spent the rest of the week focused on my sister. It only just started when my sister got so jealous and had a meltdown over them focusing on me and she accused our parents of preferring me to her.
My parents asked me then if I could be understanding and give more time before we focus on us because my sister really needed them and couldn’t deal with sharing them at that point. I was so mad and hurt but I also felt so done. So I told my parents not to bother because their only child clearly needs them and I’ll be out of their hair as soon as I can be.
They went back to my sister being their only focus and I stopped caring. This made them suggest all four of us to go to therapy, but with someone new since the old place we went to would not be happy with them ignoring the advice. They told me it’s all that will work now. I said no. They told me this is how we work on things all together and fix things. I told them it was too late.
That I didn’t have them being my parents for 15 years and I’m expected to be okay with that until my sister feels okay about sharing. I told them they made the choice of whose feelings mattered more and just like always they put her first so I was done and I didn’t want to fix it. They have begged me a few times since and they told me they’re willing to work on it so I need to be reasonable.. AITA?
Family therapist Dr. Emily Carter explains, “When a child is consistently made to feel less important than a sibling—even in well-meaning circumstances—the long-term effects can be profoundly damaging. It’s not just about fairness in time and attention; it’s about validating each child’s worth.” Dr. Carter notes that forced family therapy, when one member feels deeply neglected, can sometimes backfire. “If one party enters therapy feeling coerced rather than ready to heal, it can lead to further resistance and entrenchment of old feelings.”
In cases like this, Dr. Carter recommends that individual therapy might be a more effective starting point. “For a child who has been emotionally neglected for years, working one-on-one with a therapist can provide a safe space to process those feelings without the pressure of family dynamics,” she says. Establishing personal boundaries and understanding one’s own worth are crucial steps in healing.
Moreover, experts agree that when parents continually prioritize one child’s needs at the expense of another, it creates an environment ripe for resentment. Dr. Carter adds, “Therapy should not feel like an imposition. It must come from a genuine desire to understand and change unhealthy patterns. Without that, it becomes another reminder of past failures.” In this light, the OP’s decision to refuse joint therapy is seen as an understandable, if painful, stand for self-respect.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s decision. Many commenters empathize with his longstanding feelings of neglect, arguing that he has every right to refuse participating in a process that forces him to accept a lifetime of being the “afterthought.” Several users have expressed sympathy for his situation, sharing similar experiences of feeling overshadowed by a sibling’s needs. The consensus is that while family therapy can be beneficial, it must be a mutual effort—and when one party feels consistently marginalized, forcing therapy can do more harm than good.
diminishingpatience − NTA. This made them suggest all four of us to go to therapy, but with someone new since the old place we went to would not be happy with them ignoring the advice. They don’t want therapy: they want someone to agree with them and to tell you to accept their n**lect of you.
many_hobbies_gal − I am so sorry about all of this. No you NEVER deserved to be treated like the red headed stepchild. Ok I get your sister was born with issues. But your parents never figured out how to navigate a life with both children and it sounds like you were cast aside for her needs. This is a poor excuse on behalf of your parents. Let me add this. I know your feeling bad, please remember you sister didn’t ask for her lot in life either, she didn’t ask to be placed on this pedestal by your parents.
This is on them. Your sister learned to navigate within the family based on what your parents did, same as you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to participate in therapy. What good is it going to do if they simply change therapists because they aren’t willing to do what it takes. Perhaps a better option would be therapy with just your sister at first. I can understand how your feeling towards your parents and sister. NTA
[Reddit User] − NTA. And you’re exactly right, suck it up until you’re old enough to leave and look after yourself properly. Then don’t look back. I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. That is so awful, just reading it made me feel ill.
Exotic_Flight_6179 − NTA, but I do recommend you go to therapy for yourself to learn how to cope with this as you get older. You’d be surprised by how much built up resentment you have that it’s always great to get it off your chest and have someone to listen and guide you. Your parents made their choice and if they can’t even spend 1 day with you out of the week because of your sister, then that’s on them. Forcing you to do therapy together is unreasonable especially since the number 1 thing they will advise is for them to spend 1 on 1 time with you, which has proven to be ineffective.
aquavenatus − NTA. Your parents made their choice. Unfortunately, it’ll be several years before they realize they lost you forever. Start making your future plans now, so when the time comes you’ll never have to return to them. I’m so sorry.
[Reddit User] − “they told me they’re willing to work on it so I need to be reasonable.” Doesnt sound like they are. Hard to believe anything has changed in a few months. The same thing will just happen again. That really sucks. Regardless, I wish you every luck for the future. You cant choose your family. You will find better people.. NTA
Marie_Witch − NTA. They made their bed and they can lie in it. I’ve never understood why parents with multiple children always treat one better than the other. My mother has 3 children and she does this and always makes one of us the new random golden child of the month/year and I hate it. So sorry you’re going through this man. Have you ever considered individual therapy just by yourself to process everything?
Big-Box9097 − Hi OP. I’ll be your virtual mother now. You don’t have to weather this alone. You are definitely NTA. You’ve tried. You know how and what you feel. It sounds like you’re frustrated by your sister’s behaviour, but not resentful. That’s incredibly mature. I agree with others who say you should tell your parents you agree to go to family counselling, but only if you go back to the original therapist.
They don’t want to be held accountable because they KNOW they’re wrong and that they ignored the therapist’s advice. They don’t want to be held accountable. They’re hoping a “new” therapist will side with them. Speaking as a parent, having a child with a chronic illness is hard and it definitely changes the balance of family dynamics.
But it should never result in the near complete abandonment and full emotional abandonment of any other children. I’m serious about being your “virtual” mother. Please feel free to message me. I’ve got 20 year old twins, one who has dealt with some serious illness and one who is trans and going through transition. I’ve seen… stuff. I’m a good ear.
Recent-Challenge7732 − Let them beg you are absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry for you, hoping things will be okay
squigs − NTA. Geez! They weren’t exactly trying were they? They’ve unfortunately turned your sister into a total spoiled brat. She can’t take being told “no” and they can’t bear to say “no”. Unless they can learn to deal with your sister’s tantrums it sounds like it’s a waste of everyone’s time.
In conclusion, the OP’s refusal to join in family therapy is a powerful statement about self-worth and the need for genuine change rather than empty gestures. His story highlights the complex interplay between parental favoritism, emotional neglect, and the challenges of healing a fractured family dynamic. While therapy can be a path to reconciliation, it must come from a place of mutual commitment and understanding—not from a demand that one simply accept mistreatment.
This raises important questions: How can families truly begin to heal when one member feels continuously overlooked? What steps can be taken to ensure that each family member feels valued without forcing a one-size-fits-all solution? Have you ever felt forced into a situation where your feelings were ignored for the sake of “family unity”? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.