AITA for refusing free dental work to my financially struggling family members?

A Redditor (35M), an orthodontist, is facing backlash from his brother-in-law after refusing to provide free orthodontic work for his kids. Despite being financially stable, he explained that waiving fees for family would undermine the fairness and consistency of his practice.

The brother-in-law accused him of being selfish and greedy, questioning why a few thousand dollars would matter to him. Although the Redditor feels empathy for his financially struggling in-laws, he insists on maintaining his professional boundaries.

His wife supports him but feels torn due to the tension this situation has created within the family. The Redditor is frustrated with the family’s criticism and emphasizes that he would consider offering discounts or payment plans but will not do free treatments. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing free dental work to my financially struggling family members?’

I’m an orthodontist, 35, married to a wonderful woman, 33. Her family’s always been great, but I recently had to set a boundary. My brother-in-law asked me to do free orthodontic work for his kids. I told him I couldn’t, that I don’t do free treatments, even for family. He got upset, saying I’m s**fish and greedy because I’m successful.

He made snide comments about doctors making a lot of money. When he said “What’s a few thousand dollars to you?” I told him my bank account isn’t a piggy bank for family members. I explained it’s about principle – fairness and consistency in my practice. Waiving fees for family would mess that up.

It wouldn’t be fair to my other patients who pay full price. To be honest, my brother-in-law’s family is struggling financially, and it’s hard to see them dealing with that. But I still can’t justify giving them free treatment. My wife agrees with me, but she’s really torn up about the whole thing.

She’s sad that her brother’s being so critical and that it’s causing tension between us. It’s taking a toll on her, and that bothers me more than his entitlement. I’m frustrated he’s dragging her into this. To make things worse, even my in-laws are chiming in.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law keep telling me I’m being unfair and that family should come first. They say I should “help out” since we’re financially stable. But I don’t think that’s reasonable.To clarify, I’d help with discounts or payment plans, but free treatment? No. For the record, no free treatments – not even for my own family.. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

tosser9212 −  Discounts and payment plans? You’re doing what most dentists I’ve known do for family – they still have to pay the hygienists and assistants and front office staff, as well as for materials… free service means none of that is covered. Just no.. NTA

Content-Plenty-268 −  NTA. Your BIL is the one creating the problem for your wife — not you. Her parents chiming in demonstrates why your BIL is so e**itled. It’s just beyond the pale that your in-laws feel they can make demands on your work and insult you for having clear boundaries. It’s really your wife’s job to put her family in their place. Your offer of helping with financing is a sound one.

Kingalthor −  NTA. “Free” would be charging them your costs, not no charges at all. You still have overhead, materials, staff etc. Not to mention your own time/opportunity cost. I’d be really careful about helping with discounts and especially payment plans. They seem to think you can take the loss, and will likely not pay.

Tdluxon −  NTA. I used to deal with this when I still had my private law practice and it never ends up well. First, once you do it for one person, then all of a sudden everyone is expecting it and next thing you know you are getting pressured to work for free for everyone.

Second, in my experience, the friend/family clients that I agreed to help for free (or very little) end up being more of a hassle than your clients that are paying full price… they call and complain more (since they don’t get billed), if anything doesn’t go exactly like they want it to all of a sudden you become the bad guy and they’re blaming you, no appreciation, nothing but hassles.

Also, you have overhead… rent, insurance, supplies, etc. that you have to cover, so you’re not just working for free, you’re effectively losing money. They will whine and complain but stick to your guns.

Tamihera −  My FIL is an orthodontist and he’s done free work on all his grandchildren and step-grandchildren because he cares about his family and wants them to have healthy bites going forward. And everyone appreciates him for it. Hugely. I don’t know.

I can see you’re drawing a line in the sand here, but you’re their UNCLE, and it sounds like they won’t get orthodontic care at all if you don’t step up. And you should know more than anyone how important that care can be to a kid’s development. It’s more than pretty teeth.

I think you’ll have to accept that this will hurt your wife’s relationship with her brother, hurt your image with your in-laws, and yes, damage your relationship with the kids. And if your principles of ‘no freebies, ever’ matters more to you than your familial relationships, then well, go right ahead.

txchainsawmedic −  I would fix my nieces and nephews teeth. Save the sanctimonious “It’s about the principle” b**lshit…  yes, you are correct. You are not obligated to help your family, but damn you sound like an a**hole. YTA.  

KimB-booksncats-11 −  “My mother-in-law and father-in-law keep telling me I’m being unfair and that family should come first. They say I should “help out” since we’re financially stable.” Great. Tell them they can pay for the treatment then. NTA. Have you ever heard the story “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”? If you give in on this that will be your life.

tre_chic00 −  This is somewhat interesting to me because my mom worked at an orthadontia practice for many years that offered free treatment for employees and their children. I assume this extended to their actual family members as well.

I live in a capital city in the midwest and this seems to be quite typical, and the other offices in town often extend discounts to each other in a similar way (ie my parents did not have to pay anything over what insurance paid when my wisdom teeth were removed at the oral surgeons). Are you close with your nieces and nephews?

I can’t imagine not doing something for mine that I have the capability to do that would change their life in such a way, regardless if I thought my sibling or in laws were being e**itled. I wonder what the culture is like in your area and if you are outside of that?

You say you don’t offer free treatments and I wonder if that is standard practice? NTA for family I guess (you have the right to run your business and spend your money as you wish), but you might be for your employees lol.

Soggy-Effort-5250 −  Meh, it’s what 10k? 15k? And it’s for family and the kids to boot. I get it your position. But it’s kinda s**tty, morally grey and will be definitely destructive in the long run for your wife. I’m a corporate banker. I have worked my way up so I get the value of a dollar and time.

But I know how much money dentists can make and I’d say that for the family harmony, for the nieces and nephews and especially because they are struggling….kinda YTA.
You know that there are ways around it. Like ask them to just pay cost and comp them time and labour.

My dentist and I talk stocks, our trucks and my shelby 350 vs his Porsche on a track. He’s got 3 kids too and only runs a single practice. If he had to do something for family it would be a small bump in the road. If 10k ruins you, you aren’t a great dentist lol. Do something good for family ffs.

Dangerous_Shake8117 −  I might be in the minority but I do think it’s appropriate to give family a discount. You could’ve offered to do it at cost but if they’ve gotten e**itled then I would second guess it.

No one is e**itled to have you work for free but I do think that if family comes to you and respectfully asks if you can give them a discount I would definitely offer to help them with providing my services at cost or free if I could afford to.