AITA for refusing an “emotional” ultrassound?

A woman in her third trimester recently learned her MIL offered to pay for a 3D “emotional” ultrasound to see the baby’s features. While all necessary prenatal exams have been done, the woman feels this request is invasive and unnecessary, especially given her already strained relationship with her MIL.

Though her husband supports her decision, she wonders if refusing makes her the bad guy. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing an “emotional” ultrassound?’

I’m in the third trimester of my pregnancy and yesterday this question came up. To put it into context, my MIL and I have a shaky relationship and I try to minimize contact with her. Normally, when she wants to send a “message”, she tries to do it through my husband.

Fortunately, he understands the situation and manages it in the best way possible. However, yesterday it slipped out that my MIL was willing to pay for an “emotional” ultrasound (a 3D ultrasound where you can see the baby’s features) to have images of our baby still in belly.

Where we live, all essential prenatal exams are free and I have done everything according to the rules. I have been having normal ultrasounds, with the recommended frequency and everything is fine with our baby.

Therefore, this request seems invasive to my privacy and unnecessary. I explained this to my husband and he understood. However, I was wondering if AITA, since despite feeling invaded, the procedure itself is simple.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

mdthomas −  Your MIL offering to pay for the ultrasound does not obligate you to have it done.. NTA

andromache97 −  NAH it sounds like MIL hasn’t done anything wrong in this specific situation other than make an offer? it sounds like the “emotional ultrasound” would just be a “bonus” that she is willing to treat you to, unless i am misunderstanding. just politely decline. as long as she doesn’t continue to push, no one is doing anything wrong.

kodak723 −  NTA for declining an elective procedure without medical value. I’m curious though…has she given you a hard time for saying no? I guess I’m not clear on what the conflict is.

hamhead −  NAH. She made an offer. You can refuse it. Unless she comes back yelling about that then there are no assholes.

NArcadia11 −  NAH. I don’t think her request is an i**asion of your body or privacy. She’s offering to pay for a service that many people enjoy and would want. It’s totally fine that you don’t want it (my wife and I didn’t see the need either), but I don’t see how her offering it is her invading your privacy.

It seems like there is a lot of past issues and history with your MIL which could affect your feelings, but on the surface, this seems like a normal, non-invasive request.

rlrlrlrlrlr −  NAH . Invasive? That’s a real stretch.  But it’s your time. If you have other things to do, there’s no need to accommodate requests from others. You’re busy and simply don’t have the time for non priorities. No need to go searching for an excuse.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −  So, yeah, I’m saying NAH. Simply say “no”. You’re NTA for declining this request. I minimize contact w/ my FIL and very much like you, my husband understands why and it’s all good. He’s VERY good at setting boundaries.

But – I sometimes have to catch myself and my reactions to FIL. I’m going to caution you on this. you have your valid issues with her. But don’t start making non-issues into bigger issues just because it’s coming from her. Her *asking* isn’t invading your privacy.

To make that claim, you’re making this into something it isn’t. As much as my FIL annoys me, he IS still my husband’s father and my husband loves him. Same goes for your MIL and your husband. There IS a line out there that you could unknowingly cross where your husband will get upset at *you*. Be careful about how you frame issues.

Longjumping_Ant704 −  NAH. undoubtedly you are not the a**hole but in this situation she isn’t either unless she bothers you about not doing it. 1. I want to point out that your husband seems like a good guy as he knows ur boundaries and respects that you don’t really want a relationship with MIL due to past reasons.

2. However just because of the past you don’t have to decline the chance to have it done. if you’re up to it i think it would be a cool opportunity to have a 3d scan done as long as she is not there while it happens and you want to have it done.

thisisfunme −  NAH You are free to decline any offer for any ultrasounds you want. Your body, your time, your choice. However it seems like you are creating a problem out of nowhere. Her OFFERING to pay for it, is very generous and definitely not an ah move or an i**asion of privacy.

If I was offered for free, especially since it’s very non-invasive, I would take it. It’s very much okay if you don’t though. All I am saying is, it’s a nice offer regardless of you wanting it or not. She would only be an ah if she insists or betates you for not doing it.

But it doesn’t seem like she’s been doing that at all. No assholes, no stress. A generous offer that wasn’t something the other person wanted and therefore simply declined. All well. Honestly the most annoying part is you calling a nice offer from someone else “an i**asion of privacy”, bit rude but still not ah material

liosistaken −  NAH. She can offer it, that doesn’t make her an a**hole, and you can refuse it, which doesn’t make you an a**hole. It’s your body, your choice. Personally, I see no harm in doing it, it might even strengthen your relationship with MIL and be a fun thing to show your kid when they grow up, but you do what feels good to you!

Is she right to set boundaries, or should she have accepted the gesture to keep the peace? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!