AITA for putting my ex on speakerphone in front of my new wife when she calls?

A person (M, 30s) recently remarried after a tough separation from his ex. He shares two kids with his ex and has a complicated co-parenting arrangement. The ex often manipulates situations, such as doing their son’s homework instead of letting the father help, and has filed for child support despite agreeing not to.

In an attempt to show his wife the truth, the person puts his ex on speakerphone during calls so his wife can hear how his ex manipulates the situation. The ex found out and is angry, but the person feels it’s necessary to let his wife in on what’s really happening. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for putting my ex on speakerphone in front of my new wife when she calls?’

My ex and I separated 3 years ago and I’ve just recently gotten married to my new wife. My ex and I have 2 kids together. We have almost 50/50 with me having Wednesday, Thursday, and every other Friday and Saturday night.

We went through a tough custody battle in which she agreed to not file child support in exchange for me giving her overnights on my Sundays. Because I wanted to settle things without going to a conference I agreed.

She immediately filed for support and because she has 2 days more than me per month I have to pay her child support of roughly $1100 per month. I make $60k and she makes roughly $120k. The problem here is that my ex is a habitual manipulator.

She speaks to me n**ty, she twists situations, she does things but pretends my kids insist on it. For example, I think it’s important that my older son do homework with me every other week. This is the way it’s always been.

I want to make sure I’m involved in his school work and I want him to know my house isn’t just the “fun” house but he needs to have responsibilities here. I have always been a super involved dad.

This year she changed her tune and has been just doing his homework completely every Monday so I don’t have a chance to help during my days. I’ve had to ask 4 or 5 times now but she just does it anyway. I know this is so she can frame it to the court that I don’t help with homework.

One time I took the kids to the farm and my younger son peed in his underwear a bit (he was 2) and so I took his underwear off and we drove home. My ex was waiting to pick them up and then complained to the court that I was dropping him off “without underwear”.

There’s always 2 sides to the story but frankly I’m tired of sounding like a crazy person when I explain how she talks to me and it’s assumed I have a part in it or that it takes 2 to tango. For a while now when she calls around my wife I just put her on speakerphone so my wife can see the truth.

My ex found out she was on speakerphone and is now going ballistic and saying these things are supposed to be just between her and I. I don’t want to keep secrets from my wife and frankly, it’s just nice to have someone else know the truth.

To be fair here — our coparenting therapist said I should not be doing this but I’m really tired of being berated and then having the situation framed differently.. AITA?

 

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

CervezaFria33 −  Get a coparenting app and only communicate through the app. Then all correspondence is saved, which you can use to show everything you are doing.

CivMom −  Stop having calls and put everything in writing. Apps are great, texting is also good, emails work. Make sure you are communicating with his teachers if you are allowed, and checking his online portal regularly.

Adventurous-travel1 −  Request through the courts that a parenting app be used. They have some that also have a part that you can records conversations and both are notified when this is done so both understand and so would the courts as that information is recorded or documented.

Meaning it says recorder activated and stopped. This allows anyone to ask why you stopped it there. I would also ask for a look at your child support also. Either the close visitation time and her income so much higher that is odd. I know there are many factors but cannot hurt a consolation.

Cock–Robin −  Get a new therapist. That one’s s**t.

DogTheBotHunter −  Your co-parenting therapist is telling you to stop for a reason. It just plain isn’t going to help to involve your wife. All you’re doing is putting her in the cross fire This also doesn’t really make much sense. How does a kid get all of their homework assignments at the beginning of the week and complete them all before Wednesday?

shockerdyermom −  If the ex uses the conversations against you in court, they were never just between you and her.

CelestAsh −  Been there, dude. Use a co-parenting app for all communication. Keeps everything documented and reduces drama. Trust your therapist’s advice on this one—getting your wife involved just adds more stress. It’s tough, but keep things as civil and straightforward as possible for the kids’ sake.

jtj5002 −  Whatever court decided that someone making half of what the other person have to pay a single cent of child support is some fucked up b**lshit.

CarrotofInsanity −  Contact your children’s teachers directly. Can you volunteer your time in the classroom? Find out about school events directly from the teachers and ask them how you can become more involved.. Field trips?. You’re a chaperone.

Get in front of a JUDGE, ask for a guardian ad litem and also require your ex to provide tax returns— showing she makes double what you make and yet you are being roped in to pay child support because you were tricked into giving up your Sundays and you want them back.

Get in front of a judge and make sure the Judge knows you are an active parent. Show that you have things set up at your place, a homework station, planned educational outings… fun things too. But a great Dad!

[Reddit User] −  Choose better partners to have kids with 😅

While it’s understandable that you want your wife to be aware of the situation, putting your ex on speakerphone could be seen as a violation of privacy, especially since the co-parenting therapist advised against it. How should the person balance honesty with boundaries when co-parenting with a manipulative ex? What do you think? share your thoughts below!