AITA for putting a private conversation on loud speaker which cost my brother his 18 year relationship?

A Redditor recently shared a dramatic and emotional story about the breakdown of his brother’s 18-year-long relationship. His brother, Ben, had been engaged to Abby for eight years but had been stalling the wedding for months due to commitment issues. On the day of the wedding, Ben disappeared, causing major panic and distress.

After discovering that Ben had been hiding out in a bar, the Redditor decided to take matters into his own hands. He put a phone call on loudspeaker, letting Abby overhear Ben confess that he didn’t think she was “the one.”

This ultimately led to the end of their relationship, and the Redditor is now facing the fallout from his actions, with most of his family disowning him. Want to know more? Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for putting a private conversation on loud speaker which cost my brother his 18 year relationship?’

Ok guys I’m extremely tried and it’s been a long ass day so please excuse any poor grammar or spelling mistakes
To begin my brother Ben (39m fake name ) has been in a relationship with Abby(39 fake name) 18 years.

They’ve been engaged 8 years they’ve nearly gotten married 3 years ago but months before the wedding Ben chickened out.
They went to therapy and basically because our dad left us he has issues with commitment.

We thought over the last year he was finally gonna step up for Abby and be the partner she deserves. He did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but assured everyone he was ok

Today they were meant to get married but as abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church Ben was no where to be found. Everyone tried to calm her down saying it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover.

Well an hour passed, than two, than three and than after the four hour mark Abby said f**k she was going back to the hotel call her when he landed. My family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to Ben or the groomsmen who had not arrived yet

My other brothers and brother in laws (sister’s husband) went looking for him thinking he got hurt or arrested the night before
I went back to the hotel with a very broken looking Abby. We drank and ate food for another hour before I got a text from my brother in law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into GOING TO HIS OWN WEDDING.

My sister rang her husband and heard him in the background he was literally acting like a 5 year old who didn’t want to go to the doctor Honestly guys I had enough at this stage he mess this girl about too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel So he’s here’s were I maybe the a**hole of the century.

I walked into Abby’s room and told her be quiet than I rang my brother in law put him on loud speaker and asked him what was going on than for him to put Ben on the phone the drunk fool started saying s**t like he didn’t think she was the one and he is only with her because they’ve been together to long and he is scared to be alone

I let her hear everything I won’t lie I felt like a monster when she started crying. Abby than grabbed the phone told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good. Long story short Ben ended up at the Church 20 minutes later and Abby took off her dress than left the hotel alone

So he ended being left a the Alter and she went on the honeymoon alone. I’ve been disowned by everyone expect two siblings (sisters) and I had to get Abby’s maid of honour to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel (mom dumped out when she found out) I’m the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You did her a favor by having her hear it. You did something no one else ever did for her. The truth to move on. Everyone saying Y T A OR E S H have their own issues with being told the whole truth..

Edit: TO ADD. Let’s look at this in a few years, Imagine the heartbreak she would have felt if she had a kid with him or she was left in the lurch again. He left her at the altar! He talked about his supposed life partner as if she was an object.

Do you honestly think you did wrong by helping her find out the entire unedited truth? To spare who? The same man that has emotionally tortured her for nearly two decades? She deserves better! EDIT: Thank you guys for all the awards!! ❤️❤️❤️

Delicious_Archer_273 −  Nta. Should have been done a decade ago before she wasted all her good years on your brother

DubsAnd49ers −  NTA personally I think she needed to hear his true thoughts. I hope she meets someone on the vacation.

Coco_Dirichlet −  NTA. Your family is an AH for hating you. They are all ruining this girl’s life. Yes, she is partly responsible for staying for so long, but everyone else is enabling him! Your brother trying to convince him to go to the wedding is an AH, he is a grown man!Also, you didn’t make Ben say anything. He said all of that on his own.

Alienne8r −  NTA, you just did Abby a huge favor: I mean not showing up for over 4 hours to your wedding and being together 18 years is a huge red flag. And if she still wanted to marry him after that’s , she really needed to hear the words he said out loud. She still had hope. She deserves better, good on you. Your family is delusional if they think you’re the reason they didn’t get married. He’s the reason. Period

chagle77 −  NTA – you didn’t say the words. You didn’t make his choices. You simply opened her eyes (and ears) to the truth. May The Flying Spaghetti Monster Bless You. As for those that have blamed you for your brother’s actions, May The Flying Spaghetti Monster Curse Them with a sudden allergy to their favorite food.

confused_turnip −  NTA, you didnt cost your brother his relationship, his own s**tty actions did that. Was it the best way to go about it? Maybe not, but you saved her from wasting any more years of her life on him

thedogwheesperer −  NTA. I’d want someone like you on my team. It no doubt sucked for Abby to hear what your brother said, but it seemed like you had her best interests in mind when you did what you did.

There may have been a better way to do what you had done, but it was a highly emotional situation, so it is what it is. I think Abby deserves to hear what your brother thinks of her. Now she can do what she deems fit with this information.

I really hope she leaves your brother, because she deserves to marry someone who enthusiastically wants to marry her. If you and Abby get along and like each other, I hope you can be there for her and help her as she processes the end of this 18 year long relationship.

Queenbee1120 −  I might be alone here, but I think you’re NTA.

MuntjackDrowning −  We women have to stick together when someone treats one of us like this. How would your family behave if you were Abby? Your brother sounds like an AH. I’m proud of you.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in exposing his brother’s true feelings, or did he go too far by putting such a private conversation on loudspeaker? How would you handle a similar situation if a family member was leading someone on for years? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!