AITA for pulling my daughter from a waterpark trip because her teacher made her stay with a kid she doesn’t like?

A Reddit user shared their frustration after their niece, who has been living with them for the past month, insisted on joining their regular girls’ night in, despite the fact that the user and her friends were not comfortable with this. The boyfriend, eager to be included, would not take no for an answer and kept pushing to join, which ultimately led to a series of uncomfortable situations.

The user, feeling that their space and plans were being disregarded, devised a plan to make the boyfriend feel so uncomfortable that he would leave. The plan worked, but now the boyfriend is upset and has distanced himself. The user is wondering if they were in the wrong for resorting to such a strategy.

‘ AITA for pulling my daughter from a waterpark trip because her teacher made her stay with a kid she doesn’t like?’

My daughter Bryn F9 is going on a trip to a nearby water park with her class next week. She loves water and has been talking about it for months, so I was a bit thrown off when she came home crying a few days ago and told me she didn’t want to go. I asked her why and she wouldn’t tell me because she thought I’d think she’s a “bad person.”

When I finally coaxed it out of her, she said her teacher “Ms. N” has forced her to be the “buddy” of her classmate “Ben” for the entirety of the trip. She was to ride the bus with Ben to and from the trip, eat lunch with him, and go on all the rides with him instead of spending time with her friends.

She then said nobody likes Ben because he whines whenever they have to do work and picks his nose and wipes boogers everywhere. I was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing, but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to.

Unfortunately this wasn’t my first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used my soft-spoken, intelligent older daughter as a “behavior buffer” for the naughty boys until I threatened to report her to the superintendent. It’s clear to me that Ms. N is still too comfortable with enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do unpaid emotional labor for the sake of the boys.

I immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions. She sent me back an email with a bunch of bs that basically ended with “if Bryn goes on the trip, she has to be Ben’s buddy.” Fine. I informed her Bryn would not be attending then. I immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends.

What happened next I wasn’t expecting. Bryn is quite popular, so I have gotten to know a lot of the moms in her class. When I let them know what Ms. N did, some of them were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. In total, eight kids (out of a class of twenty) are either not going, or going with us.

Today I got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn’t going, they either have to raise the cost for the other students or not go at all. She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do.

I told her she should have thought about that before she tried to make my daughter do *her* job.  My husband said I was being a bit petty and that Ms. N clearly feels bad about what she did, and I should let Bryn go as I’ve already gotten my way. He asked me if I really wanted to deprive children of what they’ve been waiting for all year.

The thing is, if this wasn’t Ms. N’s first offense I probably would have agreed, but she has a pattern of this type of behavior and hopefully this will put a stop to it. Plus, if she has to explain this to her superiors, I have receipts. Is my husband right? Or am I justified?. ​

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

ieya404 −  Am I alone in suspecting that the teacher isn’t so much feeling bad about what she did, but faintly terrified of either having to explain to her superiors why the trip is suddenly in jeopardy, or the backlash from other parents when it comes out why the trip she organised has fallen apart?.

Not to mention that if you’ve booked VIP tickets, I’m going to guess that if you DID cancel your plans to suit her, you’d end up paying twice over – once for the school tickets, and again for the VIP tickets you’ve already bought?

NTA. I’d stick with a simple “Sorry, I’ve already commited to and paid for my own arrangements for that date now” (with a possible *unless* other parents ask and you actually can rearrange without significant personal loss).

ReviewOk929 −  “Bryn WAS the only student assigned a “buddy.” The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted.” I mean just this is the only reason you need to be NTA. I’m really bowled over by anyone who would think this is in any way acceptable. Teacher is a piece of work

Sandi375 −  She practically begged me to let Bryn go and tell all the other parents to let their kids go, promising she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do.
So, this is the part that gets me. Ms. N wasn’t willing to make any changes until it affected her. Because now the other kids and their parents are going to blame her, so she has repercussions.

That’s the reason why she agreed to let Bryn be free of Ben. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because it now directly affects her. I think the whole situation sucks. Ben doesn’t have anyone to go on rides with, so instead of putting the kids into groups of 4 where everyone could be with friends and still include Ben,

she doubled down and tried to force her hand.. I feel bad for these kids. NTA.

VioletDaisyAMJ −  NTA Bryn is NINE. Ms. N should be the one helping the boys in the class learn better behavior. What a terrible precedent to set for the young women of the future. Not only are you right, you should detail this and her other actions to the superintendent. She is shirking her duties as an educator and reinforcing archaic gender roles.

BuildingBridges23 −  NTA-I was used as a behavior buffer as a kid many times. Well behaved kids should not be punished…and made to feel guilty about not wanting too. I would have done the same thing!

thirdtryisthecharm −  UPDATE: Bryn WAS the only student assigned a “buddy.” The rest of the students were free to do what they wanted. I’m incredulous about this because 1) a buddy system is a very common way to increase safety for class trips to the point where I would be more surprise if they weren’t using a buddy system, and 2) it’s very convenient for your narrative. But if that’s entirely accurate, NTA.

AnonymousTruths1979 −  NTA And she’s freaking out because with this many students pulling out/needing to cancel the trip it becomes a much larger, much more public issue. The parents of the kids who are still going/won’t be able to go are going to want to know why it’s cancelled.

The school administration is going to want to know what happened. She’s scared because she knows what she did was wrong and she might have to face censure for her immoral and possibly illegal actions. It’s really sad for the kids who miss out, but if you bend now, this teacher will continue these practices and that’s not fair to your child’s class or any of the future classes.

metaverde −  NTA. It’s scandalous making the smart mature kids take care of everything. My daughter went through this doing group work in public school. She was expected to help everyone at her table in her math class finish their work when she was in the 7th grade.

ContentedRecluse −  NTA Stand your ground. Do not let your daughter be used by the teacher. ETA: I would still write to the superintendent and anyone else who might be able to prevent other kids being used this way.