AITA for “pregaming” my wife’s dinners?

A Reddit user shares their frustration about a recurring issue with their wife’s portion sizes at dinner. Despite her cooking, the meals she prepares aren’t enough for him, a man with a physically demanding job. After trying to communicate his needs and finding no resolution, the Redditor starts “pregaming” by eating fast food before dinner to satisfy his hunger.

However, when his mother-in-law catches him at a fast-food drive-through and informs his wife, it leads to an argument. Now, the Redditor wonders if they were wrong for doing so, and if the situation could have been handled better.

Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for “pregaming” my wife’s dinners?’

My wife and I are both 32. Since we got married and moved in together five months ago, my wife has simply not made nearly enough food for me. This is not a kind of situation where I’m constantly agitated at her for incompetence or anything like that. I would be more than happy to microwave a burrito.

I would be more than happy to whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But I can’t. My wife has, every single night of our marriage, done the same thing: she’ll make me a tiny dinner. I’m talking like a Chinese chicken salad with 30 grams of chicken and ten leaves of lettuce arranged fashionably with dressing.

When I finish eating, I’m still hungry because for a 230 pound man who works a physical labor job, it’s not enough food.
At first, I tried to openly communicate with her, but she always took it horribly. She would adopt a thousand-yard stare, and then begin talking about how incompetent she is and how she can’t even make her husband a proper dinner.

I’d try to calm her down with “Oh honey that’s not the case! I just eat too much” or “Don’t worry about it. I can make a bit more.” I’d try to be overwhelmingly positive. It never helped. She would always just get incredibly disappointed in herself, cry, and/or take it out on me. Then she would make the same exact amount the following day.

After the communication route failed, I tried to eat her dinners as-is. It became hard to sleep at night due to hunger and I lost seven pounds in the first month. Eventually I figured out my own system. On my way home from work, I started swinging by a fast food restaurant and getting myself a burger. I would basically pregame her meals with some more calories.

I figured it was win-win, as what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, and I could have my fill of food. I would eat on my way home, walk in the door, pick at the salad or quinoa or homemade Mac and Cheese she made, compliment her for her delicious cooking, and later dispose of the wrappers discretely. Two days ago I was on my way home and in line at a drive-through.

My MIL was coming out of the restaurant. She ran over and greeted me. I asked her in a humorous way not to tell her daughter where she saw me because she’d take it badly, and she agreed, but then she narced on me anyway.

I got home to a furious wife who demanded details. When I provided the truth she got extremely angry and looked legitimately hurt. I’m not good at handling confrontation and feel like I betrayed my wife in some way. Was I wrong here?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Cataclysmus78 −  It’s a little concerning that she goes full passive-aggressive when you say something to her. It sounds like she has a REALLY hard time when her carefully crafted mental image of herself is even slightly challenged.. NTA

YouthNAsia63 −  OP, if you didn’t *need* to drop seven pounds in one month, (and wow, that’s a lot of weight pretty fast, I think the recommended weight loss is one pound a week), then NTA. Your wife is willfully under feeding you.

She is feeding you like a weight conscious, sedentary middle aged woman, *not* an active man. She needs to get over her defensive “thousand yard stare”, or the whining that “she can’t make her husband a proper dinner”.

And you need to stop reassuring her-because she *isn’t* making her husband a proper dinner. Is she this uncommunicative and unwilling to change, and you so placating in other situations? And, OP, a steady diet of fast food isn’t good for you.

You need to start preparing your own meals, wether your wife likes it, or not, or she needs to get TF over whatever this is. Because your solution, while clever for the short term, isn’t viable for the long term.

And I would be pretty unhappy with the MIL. She could have minded her own business and this dysfunctional little compromise dynamic could have proceeded indefinitely and without drama. Good luck, buddy

youserneighmn −  NTA. Honestly I find all the ‘what’s to stop you cooking’ etc. comments so off the mark; would you say that if a man was controlling a women’s diet and guilting her for stopping for fast food or making a sandwich? Clearly OP and his wife have a set up where he does a physical job and she mostly cooks, nothing wrong with that.

She’s controlling his food intake and refusing to adapt to his dietary needs, she applies avoidance tactics when reasonably confronted, she is likely not eating enough herself for dinner based on the description of a typical meal. All signs point to an eating disorder. OP, get your wife some help please.

morgaine125 −  NTA. You have tried communicating openly and directly with your wife, but she refuses to hear you. You found a harmless way to fix the issue when she refused to make any changes. Any chance your wife has an eating disorder?

Amerysse −  NTA. She put you on a diet without your consent and is now g**lighting you about it.

CheeseAndPasta97 −  NTA. Just cook you own food. If she makes a fuss just communicate that she is simply not making enough food and despite telling her repeatedly, she refuses to increase the amount. Although, from her reactions…she might be trying to get you to lose weight.

Appropriate-Access88 −  Wife thinks OP is at an unhealthy weight, and has him on a diet. Quinoa and lettuce for dinner says “lose some weight, bubba” Wife is trying to get him to lose weight without telling him he’s fat.

Defiant_Mercy −  NTA. “She would adopt a thousand-yard stare, and then begin talking about how incompetent she is and how she can’t even make her husband a proper dinner.” When she does this you need to cut her argument off immediately.

This is not fixing the issue at all nor is it adding anything of value. If anything she is emotionally abusing you by saying this. The “Oh woe is me im so stupid” mentality.

NO. I don’t know how else to stress to you that this is a communication issue with your wife. You are bringing up the issue clearly and she is refusing to see it. I don’t understand her logic. If you are still hungry you guys should just make more food. Yes one can argue that you could just make more. Perfectly reasonable. But then what?

She gets mad that you’re making more food?The fact that you are getting food before dinner should be a huge tip off. You are still hungry and just need more food. Frankly when she complains about how “hurt she is” you should say the exact same thing. What else are you supposed to do when you bring up how hungry you are and nothing changes?

Whatever386 −  Bro I think she is putting you on a diet. In a kinda messed up way

This_Grab_452 −  INFO: Does she have a history of eating disorders?

Do you think the Redditor’s approach to solving his dinner dilemma was fair, or did it complicate things further? How would you handle a similar situation in a relationship, especially when communication seems to fail? Share your thoughts below!