AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked “where is our dinner?”.
The original poster (OP), four months pregnant and managing a sensitive stomach, has been tirelessly caring for her injured husband while his family visits daily. Despite her exhaustion, her mother-in-law (MIL) expects to be fed and entertained, leading to a heated confrontation when OP refuses to cook dinner. The fallout has divided the family, with some calling her disrespectful and others acknowledging her overwhelming workload.
‘ AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked “where is our dinner? “?’
Expert Opinions:
Caregiver Burnout and Boundaries
Dr. Amy O’Hana, a psychologist specializing in caregiver stress, explains in Psychology Today: “Caregivers often face unrealistic expectations from family members. OP’s refusal to cook dinner isn’t laziness—it’s self-preservation. Her MIL’s demands reflect a lack of empathy for her physical and emotional strain.”
The Role of Family Support
A 2020 study in Journal of Family Nursing found that families often underestimate the toll of caregiving, especially during pregnancy. Lead author Dr. Karen Roberts states, “OP’s in-laws’ failure to offer help—while expecting hospitality—exacerbates her stress. True support means lightening her load, not adding to it.”
Cultural Expectations and Hosting
Dr. Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of The Book of NO, argues: “The idea that women must always play hostess, even in crisis, is outdated and harmful. OP’s MIL is weaponizing traditional gender roles to justify her entitlement.”
Solutions Proposed by Experts:
- Delegate Responsibilities: Dr. O’Hana suggests OP’s husband (if able) or another family member communicate her limits to the in-laws.
- Set Clear Expectations: Dr. Roberts recommends creating a visiting schedule with specific tasks (e.g., bringing meals) to reduce OP’s burden.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Dr. Newman urges OP to focus on her health and pregnancy, even if it means saying “no” more often.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with OP, calling her MIL “entitled” and “selfish.” Many praised her for standing her ground, with some sharing similar stories of in-law overreach. Critics accused OP of being “rude,” but most argued her reaction was justified given her circumstances. A minority suggested her husband should have intervened sooner to defend her.
This story forces us to question: Should caregiving and pregnancy excuse traditional hosting duties, or do guests deserve unconditional hospitality? Was OP right to prioritize her well-being, or should she have swallowed her frustration for the sake of family harmony? Share your perspective below.
Usually when someone is sick or recovering for something people bring dishes to help out the family. Like Lasagna, soup, a casserole…… Who the H does she think she is. You’re taking care of your husband AND you pregnant!!!!
So if they are coming over every day, staying for hours on end and expecting to be fed and watered, are they offering to contribute towards the cost of food and electric? I am guessing not. Next time they come over expecting food, respond with something along the lines of “that will be [insert amount in dollars] per person please” and smile sweetly. Then if they get argumentative tell them your home is not a restaurant and if they wish to treat it as such, they can pay for the privilege.
Mil and the family are twatwaffles tell them u less they apologise there not welcome end off!!! Then implement visiting hours that suit you no coffee no food keep it short and be firm if they can’t agree to that then tell them no all together . It’s hard enough what your doing and being pregnant you also need to look after yourself ..
It sounds like the writer is doing a fantastic job and is more patient than most. She should probably do the following,
1. Set up a schedule for visits, perhaps twice a week, at least every other day, daily is too much.
2. Agree to cook say once a week and on other days, note his family’s responsibility to bring food or order out. (sad the MIL didn’t realize this or chose to look the other way).
I recall a family vacation where one man made the mistake of saying where’re dinner, and a schedule with different family responsibilities and nights eating out was established.
3..Note you have some other chores, so explain that MIL will be checking on her son from say 3-4, and provide a list of things to check. Perhaps once she cleans some vomit, she will be less likely to trivialize her DIL’s work.
5. Stay calm, try not to create a fight, but explain there needs to be some guidelines. I recall my MIL living with us (she was a nice woman) but once a family member had a comment, I apologized for my shortcoming and said that mom would be living at their house from now on and there were no further comments. Perhaps mention that mom handles things so well so she can take care him for a week.
Any decent person would visit for an hour or 2, then leave. What they should be doing is bringing meals to help you out & do some shopping if needed. So disrespectful to think you need to wait on them hand & foot. Refuse entry to them if they just turn up & tell them your husband & you need rest & quite time. What is it that the don’t understand that a pregnant woman doesn’t need any more stress?