AITA for playing D&D when I have 2 kids?

A Redditor shares his dilemma about playing Dungeons & Dragons while balancing work and parenting responsibilities. He plays D&D every other Sunday, but his wife, a stay-at-home mom, is frustrated by his absence on his limited days off.

Although he encourages her to take time for herself, she doesn’t get many opportunities. Recently, she asked him to quit D&D, feeling resentment toward the game for taking him away from their kids. Now, he’s torn between continuing his hobby and being there for his family. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for playing D&D when I have 2 kids?’

I (25m) have two little boys (one 2 years and the other 5 months) with my wife (24f). I have been playing D&D every other Sunday for the past year, minus the semi-frequent cancellations that everyone in the ttrpg space is familiar with.

When our second son was born last October, I took a 2 month hiatus from playing but I went back about 3 months ago. However, my wife has been increasingly frustrated with me for continuing to play.

She is frustrated that I work all week (she is a stay at home mom and I have recently been working 6 day weeks) and then still disappear for 4 hours on some of my days off. She is also frustrated that she doesn’t get out of the house or get a break from the kids.

Now this point I completely understand, 99% of the times that I don’t attend sessions, it’s because I want to stay home and help her with our kids. However, at the same time, I have regularly encouraged her to get out and do things with her friends or her mom on the weekends, and there have been times where she did do so while I stayed home with our boys and that has never been a problem.

However, those instances are few and far between due to the fact her friends are all also mothers so there are often scheduling conflicts. Today she asked me if I could quit D&D. She said she has begun to resent the game as it takes me away for hours on my too few days off.

I feel so awful and guilty, and I am considering it. But at the same time I feel conflicted, as that is the only time I see my friends and also my work recently declared we would not be working any Saturdays for the forseeable future. I suggested maybe cutting myself back to one session a month, and just missing every other session, but she didn’t seem satisfied by that suggestion.

See what others had to share with OP:

FKAFigs −  YTA. I say this as a childfree person: when my friends had kids, I just understood I wouldn’t see them much the first few years. In fact, I’d go out of my way to visit them on their own schedule which was always changing.

If you work six days a week, your Sunday NEEDS to be spent with your wife and kids. I’m not saying you can never have a life again, but until they’re school age socialization is going to be minimal. Your wife isn’t taking time for herself because she’s prioritizing her kids over protecting a social schedule.

You need to do the same. Maybe stick to D&D one-offs only for a few years, and only ones where it’s ok for you to skip last minute. Or figure out what needs to happen for you to only work five day weeks. Whatever it is, you can’t be spending half your days off away from your family. Sorry, you signed up for this.

StAlvis −  YTA. I work all week … and then still disappear for 4 hours on some of my days off. she doesn’t get out of the house or get a break from the kids.. FFS, you’re a **parent**.. So, like, *parent*. at the same time I feel conflicted, as that is the only time I see my friends. Dude. PARENT. You made your bed. You know how some people wait another 15 years to have kids? THIS is why.

Reasonable_Shirt5431 −  Having read all the comments, I applaud you and still have to say YTA. You sound a lot like my dh (married 34 years) as far as what you’re doing re: childcare & housework; good job. But my dh did all that & you know what all our arguments were about? The time he spent out of the house.

It makes it seem like EVERYTHING is more important to you than her, even if that’s not the case. Children are subsuming your wife’s personality. She NEEDS time with adults, & if she feels like I did, the one she most wants to spend time with is the person she married & the person she loves.

Right now, with the kids this little AND with you working so much, there is not enough time in your life to be spending as much time as you do on D&D.  (My kids were 5 years apart; can’t imagine doing this with them that close)  With the attitude you’re presenting, you got this, but it sounds like she may be floundering.

She needs you more right now. The suggestion to host at your house is a good idea (if your wife agrees; you may have to do clean up 😁); also the idea to get a sitter & go do something WITH her (actually the best). Let the kids get older & keep the convos open. You’ll figure it out.

SnooPredictions5815 −  YTA if you work 6days a week and play D&D on the 7th day for 4+ hrs then your wife is working 7days a week. When does she get large chunks of time to disconnect 100%?

Illuminator007 −  YTA. This is part of the adjustment of having children. Your time is no longer yours. And I hope you understand that your wife staying at home with the kid is \*not\* a vacation.

Your and her need to sit down and hammer out a schedule that works for the both of you, and works so that both of you get your down time. I don’t think this necessarily excludes your gaming activities, but it might.

Either way, taking for granted that your wife will care for your child while you’re off engaged in an activity solely for your own benefit makes you an a**hole. You need to pick and choose what you’re going to do, and what the highest and best use of your time is.

Right now, she you as having decided playing D&D is a higher and better use of time than giving her a break, or even better, getting a sitter and you both enjoying an activity together.

pacazpac −  Sorry bud but YTA. Yes, you deserve leisure time. It is ROUGH working as much as you do. But you have exactly 4 days off a month with your family right now and you’re bailing for half the day on two of those. That’s s**tty no matter how you slice it. Once a month as a compromise is completely reasonable once you are RELIABLY home more often but until then, you’ve gotta s**k this one up. 

twelvedayslate −  So you work six days a week and, on your days off, you disappear for FOUR HOURS to play some game?. YTA.

Acrobatic_Hippo_9593 −  Look at it this way. There are 365 days in a year. You’re working 6 days a week leaving you with 52 of those days off. You’re spending 26 days a *year* with your kids / family and 26 playing D&D. Yeah, I imagine it’s wildly frustrating when she’s do it solo 339 days.  You need time for you – but she needs time for herself too. Maybe try to plan a D&D night where it’s after the kids are in bed.

sfzen −  YTA. Parenting is tough, dude. A huge part of it is having to prioritize the wellbeing of your family over your own wants. I had to pretty much entirely give up DnD, and really anything that would consistently demand my time that wasn’t totally necessary. Your wife needs you, man. Sometimes you just have to grow up and make sacrifices.

Feroc −  YTA. You work 6 days, so there is only one day that you can actually spend with your family. Yet you choose to spend every other Sunday with your friends instead of your family. The ratio isn’t right, not with a 2 year old and a 5 month old at home.

Do you think the Redditor should quit his D&D sessions to focus solely on his family, or is it important for him to maintain this hobby and social connection with friends? How do you balance personal time with family responsibilities? Share your opinions below!