AITA for picking a restaurant my stepsiblings couldn’t eat at?

A Reddit user is grappling with family dynamics after choosing a restaurant for a birthday celebration with her uncle that her stepsiblings couldn’t eat at. After years of accommodating her stepsiblings’ food allergies, which often dictated family dining choices, she finally opted for her favorite place when given the chance.

This decision led to tension with her father and his wife, who felt she was inconsiderate, particularly since her stepsiblings were present and unable to eat. Now, she questions whether she was wrong for prioritizing her own preferences over her stepsiblings’ needs.

‘ AITA for picking a restaurant my stepsiblings couldn’t eat at?’

My uncle brought me out to eat on Saturday because he wasn’t here for my 16th birthday three weeks ago. He had to take my stepsiblings (13f, 11m) with us. He’s not their step-uncle btw. He’s my mom’s brother. Stepsiblings are my dad’s stepkids.

But my uncle and dad used to be best friends but their friendship ended when my mom died 7 years ago. Things are messy because my uncle still wants to see me and I want to see him but dad doesn’t want my stepsiblings left out so they get dragged around sometimes.

Something kinda relevant is that my stepsiblings have (not-anaphylactic kind) food allergies. Their allergies are different from each other and they get rashes and puking and stuff from eating foods they’re allergic to. This has become such a focus for my dad and their mom that I don’t get to eat at places I like, even when my stepsiblings aren’t there, because it’s not fair.

I’m also the only person in the “family” (I think it’s more a burden than a family) who never gets to have my favorite restaurant on rotation for eating out. My dad, his wife and both my stepsiblings get their #1 choice but because mine doesn’t easily accommodate my stepsiblings I can’t have it.

All of my top 5 are out. Even for stuff like my birthday. I hate it. I resent it. I don’t have the family affection or mushiness for them to make it easier. I just basically s**k it up.

But when my uncle was taking me I chose my top choice. And he took us. My stepsiblings didn’t eat. I didn’t even feel bad because their needs are always put first and they shouldn’t have been tagging along anyway.

Their mom was SO mad when my uncle dropped me off and dad was disappointed in me. He asked me why I chose it and I told him it’s my favorite restaurant and it’s been almost 6 years since I got to eat there because they decided I can never have it while I live with them.

I told him it was meant to be celebrating my birthday and since I get fucked over when they “celebrate” me because of my stepsiblings, I didn’t see why I had to do it when my uncle was taking me. I told him they shouldn’t have been there in the first place. I didn’t want them there. He was just f**king with my uncle.

His wife heard me say her kids shouldn’t have been there and she asked where my compassion is and where my sibling bond went and I told her I never had one. My stepsiblings were really upset they’d been forced to watch two of us eat and that made their mom more angry at me and dad more upset with me especially because I didn’t feel bad about it.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

IAmTAAlways −  NTA, he’s your uncle, not theirs. It was your birthday celebration, not theirs. Steal those little moments for you whenever possible.

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA. Something kinda relevant is that my stepsiblings have (not-anaphylactic kind) food allergies. Their allergies are different from each other and they get rashes and puking and stuff from eating foods they’re allergic to.

This has become such a focus for my dad and their mom that I don’t get to eat at places I like, even when my stepsiblings aren’t there, because it’s not fair.  I feel for your step siblings, BUT to not to get to choose even if step sibs aren’t there is all sorts of messed up.

Having-hope3594 −  NTA.This was your one time to pick a place that you liked. Your uncle wanted to honor you for your birthday.
That’s crazy that you can’t even go to your preferred places when your step siblings are not around.  And it’s also crazy that your parents forced your uncle to include them. Good for you for finally getting to enjoy a special meal. 

AussieDave63 −  NTA – surely there are times when your step-siblings spend time with their mother’s (your step-mother’s) family without you. So why do they have to come to everything your mother’s family organizes?

MajorAd2679 −  NTA. Sorry that you have such a s**tty dad and stepmonster. Make sure to study hard in school, get a part time job as soon as you can (ask your uncle for help opening a bank account so they can’t steal your money) and get some sponsorship for college. It’s time to plan for your future and escape route. Would your uncle allow you to live with him when you’re 18 to help you out?

Grand-Corner1030 −  NTA. Your Uncle knew what was happening. He knew they couldn’t eat there, he approved of your choice.
He’s also probably tired of having to spend money on the other kids whenever he wants to see you. Your parents are the AH for forcing the situation onto everyone involved.

AntiquePop1417 −  NTA your dad is though, for allowing all of this. The nerve they have to control you like this is beyond. Stepmom sounds like the evil stepmom.

signal_nine −  NTA. Was he taking them out? Is he friends with them? This is such a strange pattern I see on these forums where parents or step parents try to force siblings into every aspect of each other’s lives.
Sure you want family to do things together sometimes, but people need to have some things for themselves too.

NapTimeIsBest −  NTA. Going to one meal one time a year for your birthday is hardly what one would call a hardship for your siblings. Your parents are failing to teach your step siblings that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Like, let’s break this down: there are 365 days in a year, lets assume three meals each day that equals 1,095 meals a year. You are asking that 1 in 1,095 meals be something that you choose. That is beyond reasonable.

[Reddit User] −  Nta I’m sorry, what allergies did they have where they couldn’t have one single thing on the menu? Not even a plain green salad or side of french fries.