AITA for paying for my kids class trip when their stepsister and stepcousin can’t go?

A father (30M) decided to pay for his twins’ upcoming school trip, which falls during his parenting time. His ex-partner, now married with additional children from blended family dynamics—including a stepdaughter, stepcousin, and a younger half-sibling—was upset because she and her husband couldn’t afford to send the other kids on the same trip.

She demanded the father either cover the entire group’s expenses or keep his twins home. He refused, arguing that he only has financial responsibility for his own children. His ex and her husband accused him of being selfish and harming the children’s relationship by treating them unequally. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for paying for my kids class trip when their stepsister and stepcousin can’t go?’

My ex and I (both 30) separated after the birth of our twins 8 years ago. We had only dated for 14 months when she got pregnant and we only stayed together during the pregnancy because we wanted to try and be a family for our kids sake. But she met someone else and fell for him and wanted to “have a chance at love”.

Our separation was amicable enough. We co-parented well for the first two years. But when she met her husband (not the guy she fell in love with during our relationship) things changed.

He was a single father and sole provider for his daughter who was the same age as our kids and she declared I would be responsible for including her like she was my child too if I was buying gifts or doing anything fun with our kids.

This started us on a bad path and now we parallel parent instead of co-parent because I was expected to babysit her stepkid (and nephew and now younger daughter) when I wanted to have fun with my kids and I was supposed to spend equally across all kids for gifts. Ex and I have 50/50 custody.

Nobody pays child support because we both have our kids an equal amount of time. My kids and I are close. I do not include the other children at their mom’s house when I have them and I do not interact with those other children.

Three years ago their stepdad’s nephew moved in with them and a year later their mom and stepdad had a baby daughter together so they have a stepsister, stepcousin and a half sister at that house and my ex is expecting again (potentially).

This is partially where the fight comes from. The school the kids go to is small so they’re in the same class as the steps. And they have a class trip coming up in November to an interactive museum. It’s expensive for a class trip at their age but I can afford it and the kids want to go so I paid. But my ex was pissed.

She and her husband can’t afford to send the stepdaughter and nephew and my ex told me I should either pay for all four to go or all four could miss it. I said no. I told her I have the right to pay for them to go and the trip falls during my parenting time so I can send them.

Her husband told me I was sabotaging their family and being a d**k to kids who get to see their family go on the class trip they can’t be a part of. He told me I should care more about all the kids. My ex backed him (of course) and said the kids hating each other will be all on me.. AITA?

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

East_Parking8340 −  You have zero responsibility towards children so wholly unrelated to you and, frankly, if you start there will be a never ending series of demands. TBH if they can’t afford to pay for the trips why on earth are they potentially having another child. Where are the step and nephew‘s parents in all this?

Where are all the bio grandparents? You do need to make sure that your children are not being penalised by the mother and stepfather whilst they are with them. I dread to think what will happen when you help your kids through college.. NTA

Ok-Horror-1049 −  NTA! Your ex made her decisions about how she wanted to live her life after ya’ll broke up. But that’s the point- you broke up. You aren’t responsible for funding those decisions. It sounds like you are doing your best to respect her wishes in general when it comes to the whole dynamic (her wishes sound kinda f\*\*ked up if you ask me…).

But it’s not your responsibility to fund the children other than yours. Instead of asking you, they should be looking at ways they can tighten their belts to fund the kids that they are responsible for, and be glad that you are 100% funding your kids for this (instead of expecting her to pay for 1/2 theirs too)…

Suggestion for them: Not sure where they live, but one of them can take on UberEats on Fri & Sat nights to fund the trip for the other 2 kids if they can’t think of any way to make extra cash.

Future-Science1095 −  NTA. This is ridiculous. So if you were to treat the step children like your kids do you get to trade off on claiming them as dependents on your taxes. I think not. Your ex and her husband are trying to pull one over on you. Keep that boundary

Peony-Pony −  NTA. Her husband told me I was sabotaging their family and being a d**k to kids who get to see their family go on the class trip they can’t be a part of. He told me I should care more about all the kids. My ex backed him (of course) and said the kids hating each other will be all on me.

Sounds like Mr Big Talk needs to get a better job or start budgeting for extras for his children. You have no moral or financial responsibility or obligation to anyone but your children. Life’s not fair. You can afford to fund certain things for your children. You’re not responsible for another couples finances or children.

jemoss9 −  NTA. What is up with all the people expecting their exes to financially/emotionally support kids they have no obligation to?

Ok_Homework8692 −  NTA it’s on your ex and her husband making their kids resentful, not you. Their kids expect you to pay because your ex tells them you will, they didn’t come up with that all on their own. If they can’t afford those kids why on earth are they having another one? I would not start paying for anything, its a slippery slope.

HollyNoelle79 −  If they can’t afford the kids they have, they need to stop popping out more.

mfruitfly −  NTA. First, it was your ex and her partner who created a t**ic environment where you have to parallel parent instead of co parent. There is a chance that if they had just accepted that you weren’t going to treat ALL the kids as yours/the same, that in special circumstances, you may have been willing to do things with/for the step kids.

Second, as someone who grew up knowing my parents struggled to pay for even class trips, it is on them, not you, to manage their money better. So while this is a bit expensive- as you say- if they can’t come up with the money for this for two kids, while having another child and another on the way, that’s on them.

If the trip is really expensive, then probably other kids aren’t going, so they won’t be the only ones “left out.” If the trip is just slightly more expensive (aka, typically trips cost $25 and now it is a $100), honestly, these people shouldn’t be adding to the family if they can’t afford a few additional expenses for their kids each year ($200 is something they should be able to save for, if they are also attempting to have more children).

Their lack of family planning isn’t your problem. And finally, your kids are just as likely to “hate” their stepsiblings if they can’t go to stuff, as the stepkids are to hate them if they are left out of stuff. It is on your ex and her partner to instill good values and an understanding that the kids have different parents and therefore different opportunities.

Now just make sure your ex doesn’t do something stupid to keep the kids from going (like calling the school or keeping them during your custody time). I’d also suggest moving all communications to a parenting app, because I foresee more court in your future.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. First of all, **step-cousin** is such a tangential relationship that I literally laughed when i read the title. Secondly, it is **her** responsibility to treat all the children in her home equally and fairly. Not yours. She has been ridiculous about this situation since the beginning and has repeatedly attempted to overstep boundaries and enforce rules she has no right to implement.

It is your ex & her husband’s responsibility to teach the children that your kids have another parent & will therefore receive time, money, gift, attention from that parent & it has nothing to do with them and does not need to be a cause for division.

ReviewOk929 −  Her husband told me I was sabotaging their family and being a d**k to kids. NTA – Honestly those kids are their responsibility and not yours. IF anyone is sabotaging anything it’s your ex and her husband. And if those kids end up hating each other I’d bet it’s because the husband has soured the relationship between them

Should the father feel obligated to cover the trip for all the kids to maintain harmony? Or is he right to focus solely on his own children’s experiences? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!