AITA for “pandering” to the senior Filipino nurse ?
A white British student nurse (25F) with a background in diverse workplaces has naturally bonded with her senior Filipino colleagues in her new job. She respectfully uses cultural terms like “tita” (auntie) and brings in foods like pansit, which has endeared her to the group.
They support her at work and treat her better than other coworkers, who accuse her of pandering, cultural appropriation, and trying to make them look bad. She wonders if her efforts to connect are crossing a line and if she should stop her approach to avoid further tensions. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for “pandering” to the senior Filipino nurse ?’
So i (25f white british) recently changed jobs and am currently a student nurse in a hospital, the senior nurses are all Filipino, my previous job had about a 40% Filipino and 20% Indonesian workforce so I’m somewhat familiar with the culture. I’m a friendly person and try to get on with everyone,
from my previous work I know that as a whole respect tends to be a big thing for their culture, I call the nurses “*name tita*” (auntie from what i get) when I ask them questions, I love their cuisine and often make it at home, my husband is Taiwanese so even though its different food he loves it more than “british” food.
So if I have leftovers (maybe evey other week) I’ll bring in some egg sambal or pansit and theyve done the same for me (Apologies for spelling) and refer to the younger ones as my paisano (friend I think)
It turns out they’ve taken a shine to me, and apparently can be quite clicky and don’t like the other white girls who dont make an effort with them. If I have any questions they’ll help, if I have a difficult patent or someone rude to me they’ll step in, but tbf they don’t do this with any of the other girls,
they do treat me better than the others.The others have noticied and have been giving me the cold shoulder saying I’m sucking up and purposely making them look bad, that it’s cultural appropriation and
that all I’m doing is pandering and trying to be Filipino because I’m a white girl who’s never actually been to the Philippines and my partner isn’t actually from there. So AITA? Should I stop? Should I ask the others if they find it too much, should I stop with the food and the slang etc.
Check out how the community responded:
EsmeWeatherwax7a − Being nice to people is not cultural appropriation. Maybe if your friends don’t want to look bad they should try it.. NTA.
Active-Designer934 − NTA. Anyone who works in healthcare who has not picked up a Filipino phrase or two is frankly trying not to in my opinion. You’re just being open to what is around you and they aren’t.
urgasmic − NTA im gonna call a spade a spade. the other white girls are just jealous but also don’t care to put any effort in. it sounds like they are the cliquey ones.
Prestigious-Wolf8039 − I’m a white man in America who lived in Japan when I was young. Certain foods and cultural traditions have stuck with me. I’m not culturally appropriating anything, I’m just living my life. Your other white friends are being ridiculous. NTA.
4th_chakra − There’s nothing wrong with being respectful to your seniors in a culture where that is expected. And there’s also nothing wrong with just being a nice person, and a good team member. If the other people there look bad, that’s on them. Their shortcomings are their own.. NTA
Meddlesome_Lasagna − Based on what is shared, NTA. Nothing wrong with showing respect and making friends. Sounds like the white women are clicky too. Maybe that’s the real reason they don’t get along.
SheWolfInTheWoods − NTA I am the honourary Filipino at work, (longterm care). The culture is great, the food even better and they work hard. The white girls are catty, lazy and r**ist, I am Indigenous. I dont find them cliquey, they are just used to racism so dont offer much because they always get blamed for stuff.
It is NOT that hard to get in with Filipino’s. They are friendly and generous. I would trust my Filipino coworkers with my LIFE.
EmilyAnne1170 − “apparently can be quite clicky and don’t like the other white girls who dont make an effort with them. If I have any questions they’ll help, if I have a difficult patent or someone rude to me they’ll step in, but tbf they don’t do this with any of the other girls”
Question… is it the senior nurses’ job to help the student nurses? Or to sit by and watch them struggle. Basically are they giving you extra-special treatment, or punishing the other white girls? The other girls might be angry with the wrong people.
There’s nothing wrong with you bringing them food and stuff, but the others shouldn’t have to do things like that to bribe them to make an effort, if indeed that’s what they’re supposed to do. It sounds to me like the senior nurses might be the assholes here.
Also, you “think” you’re calling them auntie and friend? Isn’t it kinda weird to call someone something without even being sure what it means?
ReviewOk929 − NTA – Being nice, respectful and putting the effort in to understand someone else’s culture is not an a**hole move. It just highlights the shortcomings of your other coworkers all the more.
AffectionateCable793 − NTA. I don’t know about the ones who grew up outside the country, but Pilipinos like sharing their culture. We also love sharing our food. We love it when you love our food. Everything else is just them liking you because you’re a decent co-worker. As long as you don’t make things difficult for them at work, they’ll have your back.
Building cultural bridges or crossing boundaries? Is she genuinely fostering workplace harmony, or could her actions unintentionally alienate others? what do you think? share your thoughts below!