AITA for not working on forgiving my sister in therapy even though we’re in family therapy?
A 17-year-old Reddit user is facing a dilemma about forgiveness after an intense fight with her younger sister. The sister, who has been struggling with the death of their mother and their father’s remarriage, said hurtful things that led to an emotional fallout.
Now, in family therapy, the user is being pressured to forgive her sister, but she feels the pain is too deep to move past. Her father and therapist are pushing for reconciliation, but the user refuses to engage in forgiveness exercises.
‘ AITA for not working on forgiving my sister in therapy even though we’re in family therapy?’
I (17F) stopped talking to my sister (14F) 8 months ago. We always had fights, sometimes even bad or annoying fights. But 8 months ago we got into a fight and my sister told me she wished I’d died with (our) my mom so she could have a perfect family instead of me always reminding everyone that it won’t ever happen.
She said it like she meant it too. She told me I was the worst person she ever knew and she didn’t get why I had to be alive and I kept her mom from having a kid of her own and making the perfect family. My sister realized when she stopped that I wasn’t reacting the same to our fight.
Most of our fights I roll my eyes and walk away. But she stopped and started looking guilty but I jumped in and told her I wish I had a real sibling but I’m an only child now so we can’t all get what we want. She tried to apologize but I completely shut her out.
Our dad heard about the fight and he told me she’s younger and I have to forgive her. I told him I don’t have to do anything and I’m not forgiving her for saying that because I know she means it. He told me I was mean back to her saying I wished I had a real sibling and that I’m an only child when I’m not.
I told him that I’m done so we’re not sisters anymore. He tried talking to me about it but I told him I was done. So he and my stepmom decided we all needed family therapy. A lot of stuff came up. How our mom died when I was 5 and my sister was 2, almost 3.
How I remembered mom and my sister didn’t and when our dad married stepmom our relationship and what she is to us is different. To my sister she’s mom. To me she’s dad’s wife. To my sister mom isn’t anything to her and she doesn’t love her, something she told me so many times.
To me she’s my only mom and I miss her and love her and having my stepmom didn’t change it. I talked about how mom’s birthday and anniversary are ignored. How my dad and stepmom made me hide most of mom’s things even though they were already in my room, because my stepmom felt disrespected seeing them everywhere in my room.
My sister said she hates that I won’t let us be a family of four and she hates that I won’t accept my stepmom because she thinks people who’re alive deserve the love instead of dead people.
She also thinks it’s unfair because my stepmom and dad never had kids together because dad already had two so she thinks I’m selfish to deny her two kids. My stepmom said she wished I had accepted her and loved her but she knows neither thing happened.
When we got to the last fight my sister told the therapist she was so angry at me because when she was out with my stepmom she was asked about having kids of her own and my stepmom looked sad. She said it made her feel bad for my stepmom and she hated me for doing that.
And when she saw me she thought of all the times I showed my stepmom she’s not my mom and when I put remembering mom before my stepmom and it made her want me to know just how she felt. I interrupted and said I knew she meant it and that I had told my dad but he didn’t believe me.
I was asked to comment on the fight and I said I was just done. I said we’ve always fought about my stepmom and I’m tired of being told I’m wrong to love my mom instead of the woman my dad married. I said I accepted a long time ago that my sister loved her and calls her mom but it doesn’t mean I need to.
We went over and over stuff for weeks about the fight and I was asked to work on some forgiveness exercises and I said no. I said I’m not going to work on forgiving her and I’m done like I said repeatedly. The therapist asked why I was there and I told her I was forced to come.
But I never agreed to work on things. My sister started crying and begging me to give her a chance and my dad was pissed at me for making my sister cry and for not doing what the whole point of therapy is for.
He told me I was a disappointment and how I should figure out what I’ll do in two months because he won’t support me terrorizing my sister with lack of forgiveness.. AITA?
See what others had to share with OP:
Wed_PennyDreadful13 − “I talked about how mom’s birthday and anniversary are ignored. How my dad and stepmom made me hide most of mom’s things even though they were already in my room, because my stepmom felt disrespected seeing them everywhere in my room.” What does the therapist have to say about that?
Mother_Search3350 − Tell your father to go fvck himself. His precious daughter wished you dead. Repeatedly doubled down and said that she meant every word she said. Remind him and her that she is dead to you and you will be burying her when your dad kicks you out in 2 months .
Wish him luck and tell him he will only have ONE daughter in 2 months time and he must lose your number and forget about you because for all intents and purposes they will both be dead to you. His money better be a great comfort to him when he is old and dying.
Sometimes you have to choose yourself and your own peace and chart your own way through life without the emotional b**ckmail and g**lighting and financial blackmailers wanting to force you to do what they want because they will ‘cut you off’ . NTAH
Beneficial-Sort4795 − NTA. You’re not the problem. Your dad and stepmom tried to force ‘we’re a happy family’ instead of letting you grieve and feel how you wanted. Your stepmom did the ‘besties’ thing with your sister- on what planet do you confide in a literal child to the point where she’s defending you all the time?
Clearly, stepmom was being inappropriate and oversharing because she hoped your little sister would give you a hard time and b**ly you in to the family. F**k her. Your sister is young and dumb and there’s no telling if she’ll ever grow out of how she’s feeling- she’s been trained for it for a decade.
Your dad is threatening to kick you out, that’s a big deal, do you have a plan? College on student loans, junior college, full time job prospects, friends/family on your mom’s side you can crash with while you figure it out, etc?
You need to have a plan so you can realistically tell this ‘family’ to f**k off and move on with your life. Do you have a trusted parent or teacher or counselor? Hell, I’d bring it up in therapy- “dad told me he’s kicking me out in two months when I turn 18, do you know any good shelters for abandoned teens?”
Also, make sure you have all your important docs (social security card, birth certificate, passport, driver’s license, everything of your mom’s they’d try to throw out) somewhere super safe.
Careless-Image-885 − NTA. Send all of your mother’s things to a trusted friend or relative. Sister may try to go in and destroy them. Your father may try also. You owe no one forgiveness. What your sister said is vile. Tell your father what a disappointment he is to you.
You definitely need a new therapist. She should have made your sister/father/stepmother learn how to be better people and not force relationships on you.
Move out as soon as you can. If you can, speak to you mother’s parents or other relatives about living with them.
netacowo − nta. not sure why ur sister is complaining abt “mom” (stepmom) not being able to have kids even though she’s not even her’s herself
I’ve been in your shoes and it really sucks.
I hope your sister will cool down (14 isnt the best age for most girls when it comes to regulation of emotions) your stepmom shouldn’t veel “disrespected’ that you love YOUR mom. she’s not her replacement, she’s your dad’s new wife.. good luck
Turbulent_Ebb5669 − Am I misreading this? You didn’t prevent your stepmother from having her own kids, who told your sister you did? NTA, people forgive or they don’t now one can order it to happen
Freeverse711 − NTA. Your dad is an a**hole for trying to wipe the whole memory of your mom from you, he’s an ass for making you hide all your moms things and he’s an a**hole for pushing you to forgive your sister, and he’s an a**hole for threatening to kick you out because you are not doing what he says.
babyluxe123 − You’re not the a**hole. Forgiveness is a personal journey, and it’s clear that you have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. Your sister’s hurtful words and the ongoing family dynamics are complex, and it’s understandable that you’re not ready to forgive her yet.
It’s important to prioritize your feelings and healing process, especially given the loss you’ve experienced. Family therapy should be a safe space for everyone, but it shouldn’t force you into forgiveness before you’re ready.
Dresden_Mouse − Tell that in your next session, how your dad “love” os conditional to doing what he wants and he wants to kick you out in 2 months, wich only proves how they don’t love you and only want to pretend
Do you think the user is justified in refusing to forgive her sister after such a painful outburst, or is forgiveness essential in family therapy? How would you handle a similar situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!