AITA for not welcoming my MIL & 10 other guest unannounced?
When cherished family traditions and holiday plans are suddenly disrupted, the resulting chaos can feel overwhelming. In this story, a woman recounts how, just days before Thanksgiving, her mother-in-law decided unilaterally to turn her home into a makeshift hotel for a sprawling extended family—without prior discussion. The sudden appearance of MIL, her husband, the stepdaughter (with expectations of moving in), plus additional relatives arriving unannounced transformed a carefully planned holiday into a source of stress and frustration.
The shock of unexpected guests colliding with unmet expectations for personal space and calm left her feeling unheard and disrespected. With her husband dismissing her concerns and trivializing the disruption, she finds herself questioning whether her need for boundaries is being sacrificed for the sake of familial convenience.
‘AITA for not welcoming my MIL & 10 other guest unannounced?’
Expert Opinion:
Opening up one’s home should be a mutual decision, especially when it disrupts established plans and personal boundaries. Dr. Sheri Meyers, a seasoned marriage and family therapist, asserts, “Setting clear boundaries with extended family is crucial because your home should always be your sanctuary. When those boundaries are crossed repeatedly without discussion, it undermines not only your personal well-being but also the trust and respect that form the foundation of a healthy partnership.”
In this situation, the repeated unannounced visits and the expectation of a permanent move-in from the stepdaughter signal deeper issues than mere scheduling mishaps. The husband’s tendency to dismiss her valid concerns—minimizing them as trivial inconveniences—reflects a power imbalance where her needs are consistently sidelined. Dr. Meyers explains that healthy relationships require open communication and mutual decision-making. When one partner consistently prioritizes external pressures over their spouse’s emotional well-being, it erodes trust and creates an environment where the home no longer feels safe.
Furthermore, the lack of discussion about significant changes—like an adult family member moving in—indicates a failure to engage in critical conversations about expectations and future plans. This kind of unilateral decision-making often stems from unresolved personal insecurities or a reluctance to confront conflict, leading to a cycle where boundary violations become normalized. Dr. Meyers emphasizes that establishing and respecting boundaries is not about being inflexible but about nurturing a relationship where both partners feel valued and heard.
She recommends that couples consider professional counseling when repeated issues like these occur. A neutral setting can help both parties articulate their needs clearly and work on a compromise that honors each person’s space. If such efforts repeatedly fail, it might be necessary to reassess whether the relationship dynamic supports a balanced partnership. Ultimately, the goal is to create a home environment where love, respect, and personal space coexist harmoniously.
See what others had to share with OP:
Many redditors sympathize with her struggle, with some joking that “hosting shouldn’t feel like running a hotel,” while others agree that “a home isn’t an Airbnb for unannounced family visits.” The consensus reflects a blend of humor and genuine concern—highlighting that when boundaries are not respected, even holiday traditions can turn into a source of constant stress.
In the end, asking for clearly defined boundaries is not about being difficult—it’s about preserving your emotional space and ensuring your home remains a place of peace and comfort. While compromise is essential in any family, mutual respect must never be sacrificed.
What would you do if unannounced guests turned your planned holiday into a prolonged intrusion? How do you balance family obligations with your need for personal space? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.