AITA for not wanting to talk to my dad after he cut off all contact?

A Reddit user shared an emotional story about their strained relationship with their father, who has a history of hurtful comments and erratic behavior. After a conflict involving false allegations, the father cut off contact and later demanded the user take responsibility for repairing their relationship. Now the user feels torn about reconciling and wonders if they’re being dramatic for wanting to distance themselves. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ AITA for not wanting to talk to my dad after he cut off all contact?’

Me and my dad have always had a difficult relationship. My mom and dad divorced when i was 8 , and I’ve been living with my mom ever since but i went to live with my dad this year because it was closer to school and my mom lives in another city.

At the end of my school term there was a huge issue between my dad and some lady that drove me to and from school (my dad has a tendency to over react) And suddenly he called when i was visiting my mom and said that he never wanted to talk to me.

Apparently the lady had been going around saying that i said my dad was hitting me , now my dad can be very strict and he can get angry quickly but he had never really hit me, but when i told him that he didn’t believe me and dropped off all my stuff that he put in bags at my moms house.

Now at around 11pm he called again and said we had to go to the police station bc the lady was reporting him (she didn’t even end up reporting him) and my dad wanted me to make a case against him for abuse.

Of course i said no bc wtf im not opening a case against my dad but neither me or my mom could tell him that because he didn’t want to hear it (his words not mine) and he parked infront of my moms house and said that he wasn’t leaving till we went to the police, and so we drove to the police station in the middle of the night.

When we got there my dad told my mom to go in and open a case of abuse against him , ao we went in and explained the situation to one of the police officers who was just as confused as we were because my dad had never abused me.

So the police officer went outside with me and my mom and he tried to talk to my dad , the conversations went back and forth between the 4 of us but eventually my dad said that he’d leave but that he never wanted to talk to me again. For about 3 weeks we didn’t talk , in that time i went to stay with my grandma because it was vacation.

Today he called me and told me that if i wanted a relationship with him i was going to have to work on it and that the phone works both ways. He said he was going to talk to my mom about me going back to live with him. I didn’t say much because honestly i didn’t know what to say , but eventually we said goodbye and he hung up.

Now im honestly sobbing because i dont know what to do , i cant call my mom because she got married to my step dad yesterday anf i dont want to bother her, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff and i dont know what to do because i don’t really want to talk to him again because he can say some really hurtfull stuff when he’s mad (i might just be overly sensitive but it everything he said really hurt me) even when i was younger.

To give an example of what i mean, when i was very little i remember he and my mom were arguing and he randomly pulled me infront of a mirror and squeezed my stomach and told me that i was so fat i looked pregnant (i was fat when i was younger but last year i lost about 20kg and i look much better now) and i don’t even think he remembers that , but like I said i might be over reacting.

Or another time me and him were arguing about something stupid and i said I wanted to go live with my mom, he said that she didn’t want me anymore and was so much happier without me because she had my step dad now , and even now i have trouble believing my mom when she says that she does want me and that she loves me , but once again i think im just sensitive.

So now i don’t know what to do , i don’t wana live with him but he’s my dad so i feel really bad , so can someone please tell me if im the a**hole because i really dont know what to do and I’m wondering if im being dramatic..

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

TheWizard767 −  Hi its me again. I wana give more background because all of the lovely people in the comments are saying that im nta but i really want to make sure of that because i dont want to seem selfish and lose my dad.

First just a bit more context , im 15 and i recently changed schools, so thats why i went to live with my dad in the first place because like i said my mom is in another city. Im doing a lot better in this school compared to my old one , I’ve made a lot of new friends and my grades have really gone up.

Also we never opened a case officially bc I didn’t want to, and he’s my dad so he would have lost his job and i just really didn’t want to do that to my dad. So in my dads defence i was diagnosed with bp (bipolar disorder) and I’ve been on medication for about a year now,

but it can still be very stressful for my dad to have to deal with me because i cry very fast (i try not to but its difficult) and its probably very annoying aswell for my dad to have to put up with it. Im not good with conflict and i usually just shut down and im a bit scared to tell him that I dont want to live with him.

A bit more background, i have a sister (19) that stays in her own apartment. She has very little contact with my dad because she has basically cut him off , she has told me to do the same on numerous occasions becauseshe feels like her life has improved when she stopped talking to him.

My dad only has one friend from work and he also broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years, he doesn’t talk to his family for a few reasons, so i feel really bad for not talking to him. I talked to my grandma and she suggested that i cut him off but im still really worried about him.

Also for the person who asked about my mother , i get that she’s my mom but i don’t want to worry her . She has so much stuff to worry about and i feel like I’ve caused her enough stress with the whole police thing. im scared that she’ll agree that i have to go live with him because of the school situation. Ater the divorce I went to live with her but this year i moved in with my dad because of school , its holiday right now so thats why im at my grandma.

Now i feel completely stuck because i have no clue what to do , my mom said to not worry about it now and that she would figure it out later but i can’t stop thinking about it, she’s always told me i worry about stuff that i shouldn’t like money and other stuff so thats why I think im over reacting because im sensitive.

I just feel like this is all my fault and that im causing a very stressful situation for both my parents and i dont know what to do, i feel like im being really childish about this.

Commercial_Tough160 −  Why would you want to be around a j**k like that? You know you wouldn’t even dream of it if it weren’t for the genetic link. Feel free to cut those unasked-for chains and deal solely with people you chose for yourself.

Ok-Cockroach5899 −  NTA. This isn’t “being dramatic,” it’s setting boundaries. A parent-child relationship shouldn’t feel like negotiating a hostage situation. Take your time, protect your peace, and remember—love doesn’t mean tolerating chaos.

Organic_Acadia_1098 −  NTA. Your dad is . Your father’s crazy story about the abuse and forcing you to open a case is absolutely insane. My gut instinct I’m sorry to say is that he created this narative on purpose so you have to live with mom.

And now he is trying to gaslight you into thinking you are to blame and it will be your fault you can’t go back to live with him. Stay with your mom if you can. Sometimes the best thing you can do cut people out of your life. Your dad is a sick person.

rosebud-2911 −  Your dad is a**sive OP. Don’t let him treat you like this. Ignore him and speak to your Mom. You may need therapy because he treats you this way and it’s not ok. He is g**lighting you, verbally a**sive and eroding your self worth.

celtictriune −  Miss, I could share a whole book of why my sperm donor and birth giver s**k. I cut them off for two years because I realized how toxic they were. I was polite about it, but firm. I text my sperm donor, again two years later, saying I was willing to talk but we were gonna have to have some hard conversations.

This man text screamed at me that I was never welcome home because of ‘what I had done’. I had tried to keep the peace, I had tried to talk to them about how they were hurting me. And after all of that, I was the a**hole because I had dared to stand up for myself and my family.

If your dad is saying that its your fault you haven’t been talking, when you just tried to avoid whatever insane situation he had concocted, he isn’t rational. You *cannot* win against irrational people. It will always be your fault, you will always be expected to just take whatever awful s**t they do to you in stride.

I was 35 when I first cut them off. I was 37 when I literally told the people who’d caused my birth to go f**k themselves. And without them? This is the most peace and calm I have ever felt in my life. Text or email your father. Be blunt, polite if you need, but blunt all the same.

Explain you don’t want a relationship *because of how he treats you*. And then immediately block him on every possible platform because he’s going to explode, and make you feel like s**t, and second guess yourself.

I’m very sorry you’re going through this, but I promise, you’re stronger than you think, and you *will* be happier without your father in your life. I wish you the absolute best.. NTA

Edit: I just saw your update in the comments. I’m a father. It will *never* be my child’s responsibility to deal directly with my problems. That’s on me. Your father’s problems are on him. YOU ARE NOT WRONG for prioritizing yourself. Listen to your sister, because she’s absolutely right. You have time to figure things out. Rely on the people who are good for you and cut off the ones that aren’t.

analogclok −  No, no, no, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not too sensitive. You are emotionally aware and intelligent. This sounds a lot like my father growing up. For people who are highly empathetic, it can be hard to realize that the people around you are truly to blame for their own effects on you, because at all times you want to connect, you want to find understanding.

It takes a huge and difficult learning experience to realize how wrong the examples around you have been. How much turmoil you’ve been through in your own mind to understand, how much pressure you’ve put on yourself to find what you’re doing wrong and fix it, when all along you were falling on deaf ears;

you were the only one seeing the other. You don’t have the responsibility of coaxing your dad into being a parent to you. I cannot imagine the carelessness it takes to tell your own child you never want to speak to them again, but I know it from first-hand father experience.

He seems unhealthy and impulsive (forcing you to go to the police station at night to report him is a messed up power move, and was public shaming of you. That is not normal and not okay.), and you seem emotionally intelligent among people whose dysfunctions are very hard on a highly attuned emotional antennae such as you.

(A mental gift) I know this kind of father. Something’s feels off, and it is off; don’t let him convince you that your emotional alarms are faulty. Your emotions are there to protect you, and should not be dismissed.

I should have listened to myself when I felt as a child that my dad wasn’t acting how dads were supposed to. If not to save myself from abuse then to save myself from self doubt and self h**red. I am so sorry for your position. This sounds very stressful. You will go on far beyond the childhood you were stuck with, and you will have a strength you hadn’t seen yourself developing.

I know this exact situation. Hold your head high because you have been empathetic and wonderful to somebody who may not have deserved it, who was supposed to do that for you instead, and that takes mental fortitude. I wish I could help you more, but I can tell you that you will be okay. Everything always ends. As long as time moves by, you will always be free.

Even_Video7549 −  DONT GO BACK HES SHOWING NARCISSCISTIC TRAITS.. IT WILL GET SO MUCH WORSE….. NTA

DawnShakhar −  NTA. Your father is a**sive and manipulating, and it’s natural for you not to want to live with him. So don’t!! Your dad saying he never wants to talk to you again, and then putting the responsibility on you for communication, is sheer manipulation with a touch of guilting.

That is not the behaviour of a responsible parent – that is the behaviour of a man-child who puts his own feelings before the feelings of his children. Stay where you are till your mother comes back from her honeymoon, and then make decisions. You don’t owe your dad a thing.

laughter_corgis −  NTA. Talk to your Mom and Step-Dad. I think you should stay with your Mom.- your Dad has some issues and needs mental help. Write down all the instances where he has been flying off the handle. Accusing you of pregnancy after you lost weight and kicking you out makes me think he has mental issues. He needs therapy and a medical check up.

Do you think the Redditor should prioritize their emotional well-being over repairing their relationship with their father, or should they attempt reconciliation despite the hurtful past? How would you navigate such a complex family dynamic? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!